21st century

It's the age of fast food
and protected sex.

We wear the skin of
young stars and flaunt
our mundane lives as if
they were universes,
thinking someone, God perhaps,
actually cared what class
got canceled or how drunk
we were last night.

We've lobotomized ourselves
like lobsters--eyes-first
into boiling water,
our flesh tender
and craving acceptance.

We follow needles,
whether in a clock or syringe,
because something
(faith, work, drugs)
has to fuel our mannequins.

We carve into ourselves
searching for the one gear
that will turn the world
in our favor. But blood
is red, space is black
and stars are silver
surgical tools.

Author's Note

instead of "actually cared what class" in second stanza, should it be "actually gave a fuck about what class"

Reviews

[Amelie]

My fave from your "recents". It didn't sound cocky or presumptuous though the voice is assertive. The language you used has a tight grip. I couldn't agree more to the 3rd stanza, and "lobotomize" is one of the words I've been meaning to use in a poem. haha. but oh well, you owned it. dang! :))

[eglantine]

ooo you should use it and then send me a read request!!! Thanks for reading :)

[TLK]

I've just realised the homophonic tendencies of 'lobotomize' and 'lobster' thanks to this review. I think this link definitely improved how the work reads, to the point I didn't even notice it consciously.

[I Shred This Cabbage]

hilarious black humour...protected sex...we wear the skin of...

i would change to 'actually gave a f**k about what class'

i would also change the last few lines to read;

but blood is red,
space is black
and stars, silver
surgical tools.

really fantastic write on the whole, best stanza has to be;


We've lobotomized ourselves
like lobsters eyes-first
into boiling water--
our flesh tender
and craving acceptance.

[eglantine]

Thank you very much for reading and taking the time to comment :) I really appreciate it :)

[I Shred This Cabbage]

no problem :)

[Mark D]

That last stanza is absolutely beautiful! A really great piece of writing and attack on modern society/individuals. Really well done

[eglantine]

danke!!!

[Mark]

An excellent overview of modern humanity. 'We carve into ourselves, searching for the one gear'. This could be a statement for all humanity I think. Loved it! :)

[eglantine]

thank you as always Mark

[The Analog Kid]

I really like the needle reference:

"We follow needles
whether in a clock or syringe
because something
has to fuel our mannequins."

I like it better without the parenthesis part though:)

[eglantine]

kk thanks for the comment! :)

[The Analog Kid]

Sure...anytime:)

[Steven]

"We carve into ourselves
searching for the one gear
that will turn the world
in our favor..."

That IS quite brilliant. I love the concept. What is that hope? That belief? This one left me thinking. Nice write.

[eglantine]

merci! and thanks for the extended suggestions as well :D

[Steven]

pleasure! :)

[Aaron]

and stars are silver
like surgical tools

Where do you come up with this stuff...
Damn. Comparing us to lobsters. I love this.

Crazy beyond me. Above me. And now... I now embarrassingly leave without any addition to the conversation except a rating.

Seriously. Damn.

[eglantine]

thanks Aaron

[quinfinn]

i am constantly amazed at how well you write and can't find a damned thing wrong with your word usage or your content, not that i want to, it's just so nice to expect nothing but the best from you and never finding myself disappointed . so i'll class this review up a bit by saying "bra-f*****g -vo!"

[eglantine]

lol thank you, I appreciate it