21st century

It's the age of fast food
and protected sex.

We wear the skin of
young stars and flaunt
our mundane lives as if
they were universes,
thinking someone, God perhaps,
actually cared what class
got canceled or how drunk
we were last night.

We've lobotomized ourselves
like lobsters--eyes-first
into boiling water,
our flesh tender
and craving acceptance.

We follow needles,
whether in a clock or syringe,
because something
(faith, work, drugs)
has to fuel our mannequins.

We carve into ourselves
searching for the one gear
that will turn the world
in our favor. But blood
is red, space is black
and stars are silver
surgical tools.

Author's Note

instead of "actually cared what class" in second stanza, should it be "actually gave a fuck about what class"

Reviews

[Amelie]

My fave from your "recents". It didn't sound cocky or presumptuous though the voice is assertive. The language you used has a tight grip. I couldn't agree more to the 3rd stanza, and "lobotomize" is one of the words I've been meaning to use in a poem. haha. but oh well, you owned it. dang! :))

[eglantine]

ooo you should use it and then send me a read request!!! Thanks for reading :)

[TLK]

I've just realised the homophonic tendencies of 'lobotomize' and 'lobster' thanks to this review. I think this link definitely improved how the work reads, to the point I didn't even notice it consciously.

[vspjaguar]

you couldn't have said it better! very impressive poem.

[fireblossom]

This represents the feelings of futility we face living in the western world. Perhaps God, frustrated this, lemming like that... Charlie Chaplin said it well in the movie Modern Times...remember the famous scene where the tramp is inside the gears of the machine.

Human's struggle with the connection between spiritual and physical. We perceive dazzling visions of eternal consequence yet we find ourselves sitting on the toilet at least once a day if we are healthy. :-)

To become a Poet Laureate you must continue considering these larger issues, while at the same time not taking yourself too seriously. I think perhaps you are on the right path.

PS - No use using vulgarity unless it suits a purpose. In this poem it would limit its scope. Great comics use very little or none at all - mediocre comics use it because shock is easier than brilliance.

[eglantine]

yes, that is what I think as well. I'm going to leave the swear word out. Thank you!

[Clockwork]

Yes, I think you can go with "gave a f**k about what class" in the second stanza. Or maybe you could perform it that way at a reading or something.

I really like what you did with "We've lobotomized ourselves/like lobsters." That is a great simile and awesome alliteration. But I wondered about the action of the lobotomy. Yes, I agree that we lobotomize ourselves, and I think that it is a great point to suggest that the stars are the instruments which preform the procedure. However, are we not the ones who lobotomize the lobsters? So maybe it is a question of entities higher on the food chain exerting their influence on those of a lower rung.

Yes, I apologize for the long, vastly incoherent rant. Probably the beer talking a tad.

At any rate, I really did enjoy this poem and I appreciate the fact that you sent me a request to read it. Good morning to you!

[Sir Jaykom]

I think "actually cared what class" is better. "f**k" kind off throws off the feel of the peom. Nice work.

[eglantine]

ya, that's what I'm gonna do. Thanks!

[James William Dyer]

I loved it, the last line especially, and this: "We wear the skin of
young stars "...I always thought of the night sky as having a membrane, like skin.

[Pax Analog]

As Tonto famously said to the Lone Ranger when the latter exclaimed "We're surrounded!" (by hostile Native-Americans): "What do you mean, WE, kemosabe?"

"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lives are rounded with a sleep," sayeth the Bard.

The consensus media "we" (apparently made of some kind of astral cheese) is not significantly countered by academia or other mainstream institutions. It is all Flatland. 2500 yrs. ago Gautama Buddha realized the "I" opens to adamantine infinity, or "God." So most of our conversations egregiously omit the realizations of the senior class on this patiently spinning globe. "We" do not actually exist in the manner we chronically presume.

That said, your poem is a useful scalpel for the sleepwalking "we" norm's more ludicrous contemporary preoccupations. "But blood is red, space is black and stars are silver surgical tools."

For removing fallacious identity emphases, perhaps? Intriguing central edge.

"I" is a koan.

[eglantine]

thank you for this very insightful review

[lee von cleef]

The med school student beams given his tubular body bag ,shiny Patin plastic Thick Zipper conceals death the thing that was person ,life Dreams,to be your clay to mold,to carve to learn to save life,to make life smile again.

[eglantine]

thank you :)

[Talal Hussain]

must say amazing composition...great selection of words and above all excellent flow :-)

[eglantine]

why thank you very much

[G!o]

"But blood is read, space is black and starts are silver surgical tools" this line creates a really tight finisher. Original and with wisdom, well penned...i can't help but admire your brain lol...amazing thinking.

[eglantine]

thank you very much G!o :)

[Leslie Philibert]

I enjoy this, I like critical words - and this has lots to offer, like the fine last line, silver, surgical stars, hard alliteration, and the lobster line is great too - fine job.

[eglantine]

thank you :)