Summer's end lake

The sun is almost empty.
The last of its honey-light
slowly drips into the linear crack
in-between lake and sky.

The embers in my heart
that keep me alive
are fading from the cold
air I breathe in

as I stand on a grass-stubbled
sand dune, watching
the sun dry out and the lake
wrestle with its grey self,
           spewing angry white froth.

The wind is so sharp
if you were to shout secrets in my ear
I couldn't keep them--
           sand fills the air instead.

Reviews

[lost girl]

a definite sandstorm! So many great lines in this...wrestle with its grey self...the sun is almost empty...slowly drips into the linear cracks... I can feel the grit on my face, the dryness in my thoughts, the burden of heavy on my shoulders....magnificent write dear MAGNIFICENT!

[eglantine]

thank you very much :)

[Ana Soo]

a wisp of dearth in the heart and mind.. or the soul?

[G!o]

Cool description that grabs the reader to feel the moment. This is a beautiful expression of loss. Well written Eglantine....

[eglantine]

thank you bvery much :D

[Rusty]

I like the external nature since I feel as though I am the one experiencing the lake.

[eglantine]

good, glad to hear

[Kim]

Another lovely piece! The first line is really compelling. I also love the last line. The images are so interesting and they're all related, which I like. My only wish would be for a bit more introspective of the narrator. It's all very external, which is fine, but I want more of a connection to the internal. You start to do this in the last stanza, but I think you could strengthen this poem by doing a bit more of it.

Also, it's "its" (without the apostrophe) in the second line.

Great work! :D

[eglantine]

thank you for your suggestion. I'll def take it to heart while revising this piece. Also thanks for the grammar point. :)

[bob, small b. aka invs]

a nice sense of both beauty and loss. cold sunsets.

[eglantine]

thanks!

[Amelie]

I read it like humming a tune in my head; lovely swoon- worthy piece for tonight. This is all I've got to say for now, it was too fantastic it blurred my head!lol

[eglantine]

thank you Amelie

[tamsin]

Completely beautiful

[eglantine]

thank ya Tamsin

[tamsin]

: D

[.]

Beautiful sensory detail here miss lol. The imagery is quite appealing:)

[eglantine]

merci

[Mark]

Nice, I can hear wind and water, feel the cold. :)

[eglantine]

good! :)