Lake Michigan mermaid

There is no salt in my tears
because I was born
beneath the moon in August freshwater
to a woman with hair as gold
as the burning innards of stars.

Two long legs, skin the pale
shade of sand at night,
and my thoughts always swim
ahead of me.

Silver beach, Lion's beach, Tiscornia
beach, Grand Mere, South Haven
beach, Secret beach--
          all form the slender neckline of the
          beating of my heart:
                              Lake Michigan.

The sun drowns in tired peace
each night and I must ask--
        have you walked the pier
        at the most vital moment: night?
        The whole universe above you
        and reflected below off the
        water, light lapping against
        the algae-furred pier, faint haze
        of the hint of Chicago.

I don't have shiny scales
but gills do line my heart
and when I step into the lake,
I slip into skin that has
touched stars and held the moon.

Author's Note

um, I've not posted anything in about a week... I'm uncertain about this one.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

let's dispense with your uncertainty here and now...i absolutely adore this write! the last two lines make my soul ache for that watery release that is the changling mermaid entering her true element. beautiful...there is a youtube clip on real mermaids and it is very convincing without seeming contrived, watched it this morning and was saddened and thrilled at the same time.

[eglantine]

phew, I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Yea, I have probably watched it. lol

[quinfinn]

the video had live video of them swimming and ended with the rotting body of a dead mermaid on the beach, so very sad, in fact.... tragic

[eglantine]

oh, ok I didn't see that one lol do you remember what it's called?

[quinfinn]

i have it on my f/b page, i'll go check...brb

[quinfinn]

sameen 115 real mermaids better belive it/youtube

[eglantine]

hahaha ok, imma check it out--thanks!

[quinfinn]

;)

[eglantine]

omg awesome! haha, psoted it on my fb :) thanks for sharing!

[quinfinn]

anytime....glad you found it

[That_Guy]

"Two long legs, skin the pale
shade of sand at night,
and my thoughts always swim
ahead of me."

great stanza. Man I miss the water

[eglantine]

me too :(

[Allycat]

I love his piece, one of my favorites that youve written :D excellent piece, very well written

[eglantine]

aw thanks ALlycat :D

[Allycat]

no problem :D

[James William Dyer]

Some really nice lines here, "as the burning innards of stars.
" and "gills do line my heart" and "my thoughts....swim ahead of me". The poem even has an elusive, slippery sound. Loved it. I live right beside Lake Michigan, on Sturgeon Bay, that brought this poem even closer in my mind. Nice.

[eglantine]

thank you James, glad you enjoyed it

[tamsin]

This is basically pretty magic. You had me on the first couple of lines, and after that I was completely enchanted. Well done dude, another great piece, expertly penned.

[eglantine]

merci tamsin!

[Maggie]

Being a great lakes girl I say bravo(: very cool write

[eglantine]

Thanks Maggie :)

[Steven]

Sand at night, reflecting the glow of the moon, giving off just a faint heart of peachy pastel--quite brilliant my dear!

The whole thing, like a tight sausage on the grill, sizzles and pops with life! And I feel sick with summertime, and a night chill creeps up my neck, thinking of the vampire wind scaling at me from the surface of the water. You are good. I like the Chicago thing too. And this:

"...when I step into the lake,
I slip into skin that has
touched stars and held the moon."

Stop... Yes.

[eglantine]

thanks! :D glad you liked the Chicago bit, i was wondering if that part worked.

[Steven]

Mhmm.

[Aaron]

"Holy crap"
-My first comment after finishing the poem.

To ensure proper comprehension I'll elaborate:
The poem displays a great craft of words. It's sort of fun to read the poem. The images for the story are great.

Forcing myself to think critically,
"to a woman with hair as gold
as the burning innards of stars."
Something doesn't feel natural about those two lines. I thinks it's because your poem is so strongly positive and saying innards of stars is painful to me.
Really, That's a stupid little thing for me to whine about.

Ultimately, it's a beautiful poem.
Thanks for sharing.

[eglantine]

not stupid at all to bring that innards part up; I was on the fence at first, but then, who says innards have to be distasteful? Stars are beautiful on the outside so I'm sure their insides are even more so. Thanks for your comments and for reading :)

[Lily Mae]

Well since I live on Grand Traverse Bay I can say Amen to this one:) I love it .. I even have chills.. You have done our freshwater mermaids justice:) xo

[eglantine]

whoo-whoo! represent! :) glad you enjoyed it.

[Lily Mae]

I did I loved it..xo :)

[bob, small b. aka invs]

this poem took me back to a night i spent on the beach near saugatuck michigan. cool night, dark waves. stars. been there. done that. nice memory.

[eglantine]

ya, michigan is pretty decent :)

[Mark]

wow, what are you uncertain about? It's wonderful! The imagery is fable-like but completely imaginable. I, and I'm sure many others, relate to the water-theme as well. Makes me want to experience Lake Michigan (well, summertime anyway :P) Great read Eg, really.

The last verse about stepping into the lake is really great

[eglantine]

yes, I was very lucky to have grown up on Lake Michigan. It is also brilliantly beautiful in winter as well. I've actually hopped across giant floating iceballs (kinda stupid, i know, but i was a teen lol).

[Mark]

I grew up in Alaska, seen enough ice and snow already. LOL