Z-axis

all the fingers on the hand

are talking nonsensical

 

about puppets and whales

and whether i really is before e,

     except if you're seaweed

     because then you're just

                 wet.

 

they talk and jibber--

and doodles drop from

my washed-up eyes like beads

of liquid mercury:    hazel pearls.

 

Can you sense the rain?

      it's just a flip of the page--

      the sky's mottled fin.

 

let's gather mason jars and catch

the falling water before the whales

stop singing.

 

i'm tired of listening to my hands

gesticulating nonsense and mermaid

teeth are so much easier to swallow than pills.

Reviews

[Kim]

What a stunningly gorgeous piece of work! I absolutely love the style and your wordplay is fantastic. I especially like the title - it really grabbed my attention - and your images are so unique and unexpected. The mention of mermaid teeth is genius and it really makes the final sentence a home run. The spacing and flow is well done (especially the isolation of "stop singing") and I wouldn't change anything. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to critique - I simply adore the poem as is and it's one of the best things I've read all day. I can't wait to read your other work!

[eglantine]

aw well thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for taking the time to let me know your thoughts on it.

[That_Girl]

So. Damn. Envious. lol this was wonderful, as always! :)

"let's gather mason jars and catch

the falling water before the whales

stop singing." Sounds like something you would hear in some epic song. :)

[eglantine]

aw gee thanks! I'm glad you like it--i was a bit nervous people would be more like "wtf?" while reading it lol

[That_Girl]

Ugh you're so damn perfect. I'd like to marry your poetry. ;) I loved it!

[eglantine]

bwhaha not perfect by far but thank you for the flattering compliment. You're a good writer too ya know

[That_Girl]

Maybe... but not nearly as creative. Your pieces are unique... you have a signature that is so... awesome. :) Thanks lol

[eglantine]

:) you just made my day

[That_Girl]

Haha I'm glad! ^_^

[Whales]

WHALES :D

[eglantine]

lol secret: that was for you

[Whales]

for realzies??

[eglantine]

ya for realzies lol i was like, hm, imma put a whale in here for Whales

[Whales]

This made my day.

[Emily B]

loveliness for a day like today

[eglantine]

thanks emily

[Cerise]

wonderfull and poignant....well done..

[eglantine]

thanks!

[.]

I love da stanzzzzaaa "Let's gather mason jars and catch the falling water before the whales stop singing." This is such a surreal scene, which you painted in my imagination (thanks).

P.s. I see the z axis, but where the hell is the x and y axis :)

[eglantine]

thank you very much :) lol and that is the right question to ask :D

[.]

Lol its the only question bahaha

[quinfinn]

this is quite creative, very much so. at first look it appears to be just some silly bantering, but upon lookin deeper it is obvious that you have a message and are daring the reader to figure it out, fact: i CAN sense the rain...every since i had my knee crushed years ago....like this poem a lot..

[eglantine]

thank ya very much for taking the time to review my poem :)

[eglantine]

and ow! sucks about your knee :(

[quinfinn]

u r welcome and thanks for your empathy