noitcelfeR

If I am there,

   against the glass--

   on the other side of

   the crooked mirror on the wall

   (crooked because I hung it myself),

 

then who is here,

   cross-legged and delicately

   tasting words she learned

   beneath invisible stars

   (invisible because she drew them herself)?

 

Same freckle, cross-stitch

of veins, yet our eyes

meet--my eyes,

and the warmth retreats

from my pulse.

 

My lungs are pinned like

moth-wings inside of my

chest, contained from

dust and safe from rust.

 

But my moth is not yet dead--

it is center gravity

and it steers me, gently, to the light.

Reviews

[Androglossia]

I like this, actually I liked everything you write. It's like abstractness burried deep within abstractness yet not far from understanding. Your work reflects how great you are. As of the poem, it centers on your wavering but undying passion.Thank you for sharing.

[eglantine]

thank you very much Maryanne :)

[caesarkreshen]

so this one:

This has a similar quality. I would prefer less words. For me, I'd like to see... the crooked mirror/I hung myself. haha. For shock value. Wordplay.

Make them re-read.

The revisited parenthetical is not as strong. invisible stars, maybe, is not as strong in general, but to explain why they are invisible, to me, makes it less interesting.

I like "My lungs are pinned like moth wings" but I wonder about "and save from rust." I often wonder if (and there's someone I know who would say this, so forgive me for my impersonation) "My lungs are pinned like moth wings" is the opening to a new poem that you haven't finish writing in your head yet.

cya

[eglantine]

good points! THank you :)

[Hidden Happiness]

Whenever you want something to smile about or just be dazzled imagination and creativity, all u need to do is check out this very special person's profile:-):-):-D.

[eglantine]

I searched -):-):-D but no one came up? :(

[Hidden Happiness]

o_O:O omg i hate people:-[.x-(

[eglantine]

????

[Pól]

A most beautiful reflection.

[eglantine]

thank you

[bob, small b. aka invs]

you constantly amaze me with your style and consistency. again, the last lines blew me away.

[eglantine]

thanks! :)

[quinfinn]

ah, like a moth to the flame, your write draws us through your angst and toward the light of reason.....well done

[eglantine]

thank you!

[G!o]

Strong and lovely imagery and very well writen with nice lines...beneath invincible stars...lungs pinned like moth wings. This is an amazing poem.

[G!o]

Strong and lovely imagery and very well writen with nice lines...beneath invincible stars...lungs pinned like moth wings. This is an amazing poem.

[eglantine]

thank yoU!

[dukovan]

becoming your own inspiration is quite the feeling.

[sierrasparks91]

good job it just needs a little bit more details and work put into it.

[eglantine]

yes, I agree. What do you suggest?

[sierrasparks91]

add some more details to your poem like why your person is feeling the way they are

[eglantine]

kk, thanks for ze direction :)