a hopeless romantic in the 21st century

the air is full of bones

and smells of boiled hair.

 

What I was, what I grew

up to be,

             I no longer am.

 

I put down the pencil

and picked up a pen;

                 its' ink as smooth

                 as the inside of the moon.

 

I know so, for that

is where I once slept-walked

and when I came back,

my hair was cut and

burned deep red.

 

The autumn trees in the woods

behind your house mimic

my whispers:

                   dry branch hush.

 

I want to kiss someone there,

the one with a still beating heart,

 

and lullabye the moon

with our blue pulses.

 

The wind will carry our sharp scent

to the weeping stars, who mourn

for the youth.

 

and we breathe in the marrow of night,

 

we breathe out dust from fallen stars.

Reviews

[~]

Nothing says I love you like bones and boiled hair :) You know, being a hopeless romantic in the 21st century is a bit different, I have to admit. There are far less sappy odes and theatrics....it is far less melodramatic.....poetry has taken some very sharp turns when it comes to talking about love. There is a lot more realism. I really like how you started this poem with those haunting bones and hair, then let it be reminscent of the poems of old, only to bring it back with the "marrow of night" at the end. It was very modern of you :) Great work on this, my friend. A very enjoyable read.

[eglantine]

haha, yep, I'm quite the romantic and yes, things are different these days rather then the stories we were told when we were younger. Thanks for reading, I'm always eager to read your reviews :)

[~]

Well, you caught my attention with the bones and boiled hair. It was very Victorian :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I loved the detail. I enjoyed reading this poem. I also loved imagery considering I can imagine the hair being burned. Thank you for sharing. :3

[eglantine]

and thank you for reading :D

[Angie Diane♥♥]

You're welcome :3

[Mark]

"and we breathe in the marrow of night,

we breathe out dust from fallen stars."

Fantastical :)

[eglantine]

thank you :)

[Amelie]

I dunno and it's kinda weird but it established an Arthur Conan Doyle vibe on the setting in the first stanza which has a classic kick to it.
My instincts were pretty much validated when I read upon second stanza when I spotted "was" and "grew up to be" (we used to be ecstatically idealistic with the thought of love. in my case, high school) Again, excellent form. "I no longer am" won't have that oomph if aligned the same with the rest.
Juxtaposition of the then and now in the 3rd stanza retrospect "pen" and "pencil". the persona has become bolder in expressing his thoughts with the use of pen.
Buoyancy in the 4th and 5th stanzas- might be the persona's subtle desires, she might be inlove with the thought of love( dry branch hush- melancholic.)Uhm however, I just thought of what if, "burnt"?but if it'll be, I'll get the "and" after "cut" so it'll go like:
"my hair was cut
burnt deep red"
Her being hopelessly romantic and being all too idealistic with the thought of love is fantastically spoken of and woven in the last 3 stanzas except the last 2 lines.
Last 2 lines pulled off solid. Excellent form and rhythm. heck no doubt you are in your masters in Creative Writing.

Execellentfantasticwooohoooo!
I give you all the liberty to bombard me with RR's lol

[eglantine]

wow lol Thank you so much for that wonderful review. It's nice to see someone with such a knowledgable grasp on poetics. I will def take advantage of that liberty ;) lol

[RYDER]

wow its awsome

[eglantine]

thanks!

[RYDER]

ur welcum

[Leslie Philibert]

This is a very fine poem, and even without your bio I would have noticed that you are used to working with words and understand literature. There are lots of good things going on here, the way you structure the verses, the good use of punctuation, the breaking up of the phrases and above all the great imagery like boiled hair or marrow of night. Excellent.

[eglantine]

:) thank you very much for reading and reviewing. You must also be versed with the poetics of literature to recognize this all

[Pól]

This is a very mature piece of writing for one so young. Well done.

[eglantine]

thanks! :D

[tamsin]

Wow, this is just beautiful, and so well written : D
You are wonderfully talented.

[eglantine]

thank you :)

[tamsin]

That's coolio, and it's true : D

[h d e rushin]

I have only a few poems in my library I want to keep forever. This one I
wish never to end...So tender, so willingly elegant.....dana

[eglantine]

aw, I'm glad you enjoyed it that much :) thanks!

[MachinaWriter]

Wonderful poem. Its pieces like this that make me believe that someday you truly could become a Poet Laureate. "we breathe out dust from fallen stars." What an amazingly beautiful ending. Thanks for sharing this one ^^

[eglantine]

:D you really think so? I'm determined to be it one day lol no joke, i really do :)

[MachinaWriter]

That's a great goal to have. But you write well, and not only that but you've always given great advice, which shows that you have a deep understanding of the way poetry works. Practice, practice, sleep...then practice some more lol But pieces like this make me believe its possible from you.

[eglantine]

:D thank you so much!

[MachinaWriter]

No, thank you for sharing this. ^^

[Alex]

This is so good, really emotional great read :D