Without hesitation

I knew you

 

after reading your astro-philosphical jottings

even though it'd been only a week

of handholding.

 

My soul felt your souls steady

blue gaze, so she allowed

the top of her head and her eyes

to peek out of the atrium lake

full of electric, pulsing trout

and lilypad beats.  She stared

back at him.  He was nude

and unabashadly so.  He stepped

into the lake, scattering ripples

and muddy light and she rose,

topaz droplets like watery stars

slid down her collarbones, breasts,

curves, follwed her skin back

to the lake.  He reached for

her, she walked into his arms;

       water meeting land,

       woman and man.

 

I saw all of this as we sat on

your half-frump, mostly shrug

of a couch as July cracked

its knuckles outside in front

of the sun. I put down your

Macbook, turned away from

the text on the screen, and faced

you with my eyes fully

open and above the pulsing water.

Author's Note

Alright, my apologies for this piece. It is by far the cheesiest, most stupid thing I've ever written. Tear it apart with silver teeth :)

Reviews

[Rosalind Gale]

;) I love stupid - and on occasion, cheese. Though one humans stupid cheese is another human's cradle of ambrosia (Wha?) I declare you have made me smile with your poem here. Even in your throwaway mood, you have the right stuff. (Or should that be 'write' stuff?)
Much love -
Rosa
-x-

[eglantine]

bwhaha, 'cradle of ambrosia" Glad to make ya smile, your review sure made me smile . nice pun lol

[Melobldnfr]

Lol. I'm chawin' on it. Lol. Not so bad. Puts me in mind of an old song, PART OF IT ALL by Melanie, which is actually quite fun to play on my guitar sometimes while crooning. Lol.

I really really like the line "as July cracked its knuckles". ;-)

[Kaylor Mason]

Actually, I don't think it was that cheesy. It was a cool allegory, what with the water and land and all--very symbolic

[~]

I was torn between liking the Macbook reference and finding it awkward. But, the more I read this, the more it made sense to me. Oddly, it was like time travelling ahead. The first part of the poem seems to be set in the past, dusty romantic verse, but the when you get to the Macbook, it is almost like a jolt into the here and now. Not many poets have the balls to use something as mundane as Macbooks in their poetry, for that, I applaud you!!! It made this unique. Well done, poetess.

[eglantine]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you very much for reading and review :)

[afra]

great write ....one of ur best i think ...well done

[eglantine]

thanks afra!

[Pól]

The images you draw in this piece are as clear as if you had Painted the scene the transitions are beautiful. One small suggestion; unashamedly instead of unabash....
But thats a mere trifle. Superb work

[eglantine]

merci!

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

it's great, but it needs more cowbell.
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but in all seriousness...this is brilliant and powerful. don't change a thing or I promise to cry and s**t my pants. and I have a hilarious confession to make. I read part of this in an astro from the jetsons voice. but I remembered that episode where he got really smart, so it's ok now. It's the way this integrates and congregates with your underlying/recurring theme that intrigues me. Write more of what you consider tripe, because I love it, sir.

[Eloha]

To me it's one of your better pieces, it has emotive power as well as your pretty images. The central stanza is really a joyous celebration of your language but the others give it a contemporary fix.

the mention of 'macbook' and 'screen' rather annoyed me, but it was very minor compared to the language of beauty that your style evokes.

You are a delicate writer.

[eglantine]

yeah, i was wary about including 'macbook' but i thought it might need a bit of here-and-now detail to bring the reader back to reality with the speaker of the poem. thanks for reading and for your thoughts