La princesse flamant rose

My nana did not bathe

in the tin tub

her family used, not did her vocal

cords capture the air so she

could speak the language of love.

 

She prefered sneaking from laundry

and bread baking to be where

the moon once shed its pearly

skin: le jardin dans son coeur.

 

It was there she folded her clothes

onto the eyelash-grass shore

and joined the flamingos--the

 

heartbeats the moon left behind.

The water wrote her name in words

 

only skin can understand...

 

and here, her hue was just faint

of what the moon

 

once loved.

 

Here, avies and young woman bathed in the cool

nectar of the hidden pond.

 

Shed flamingo feathers floated towards

my nana and clung

softly to her legs.

Author's Note

My nana always told me when I was a young child, how there was a garden in her heart where we could escape to. The title translates into The flamingo princess and "le jardin dans son coeur" translates to the garden in her heart.

Reviews

[Ryan Zeller]

This is beautiful. I felt even more moved when I read that it comes from your real life. I loved the line "The water wrote her name in words / only skin can understand," although I would suggest dropping the ellipsis. Ellipses tend to give the impression that an author is trying to sound more "deep" (not that I'm saying this was your intention), I just mean to say that the line has strength enough on its own without the additional punctuation.

I also notice you tend to use the moon as imagery in poems about femininity. Imagery motifs can be great, but when it comes to a poetic cliche like the moon, I would try to use it more sparingly (or in a way that your reader won't expect).

[eglantine]

yes, this is true... I need to reign in my moonlight a bit lol

[Amberlight]

"a garden in her heart where we could escape to" . What a wonderful nana you had..

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Come on !!!!!! I've seen the title and I've thought "She had finally written a poem in French" and then I saw it was in English :( The poem is good as always, my dear, but try to stay in contact with your nana's language :)
If you want I can even advise you some cool French poets to read, there are so many ! Christine de Pizan, Rutebeuf, Villon and so on !!

[Melobldnfr]

What a treasure, both to have such a story from your nana, and also this poem! Well done.

[Clockwork]

This reminded me of my grandmother who did many similar things in her Italian neighborhood in estern Pennsylvania. I like your use of metaphore and personification. In addition, I think you use enjambment quite well.

This line is my favorite: The water wrote her name in words

[eglantine]

I'm glad you enjoyed it

[Clockwork]

I enjoy a lot of your work

[Crazy Cat Man]

i love your mixture of different languages in the poem. makes me have to use the google translation.

this is a beautiful poem, reminds me of my fam in central america where people took baths with water hoses lol....it was always cold lol and buckets of water to wash clothes. great tribute to your grandma

[eglantine]

thank you! :)

[That_Girl]

Quite an impressive piece. The flow and imagery are smooth and spot on. Very well done!

[afra]

awww simply beautiful ...well done

[Moonflower]

"not did her vocal".....I believe that this was meant to be "nor did her vocal chords"..and so I read it as "nor" :)

This was an enchanting piece, and I enjoyed your dreamy writing style throughout. You never seem to dissapoint.

One small thing...I believe that with the last stanza, it could be a bit smoother and get your point across more effectively, without the assertion of "My Nana" since we are made aware of who the piece is being narrated about in the beginning of the poem.

But of course, this is your writing and sentimental in that way. I hope you are not offended by this small suggestion..

"Shed flamingo feathers floated towards
her, clinging
softly to her legs."

[eglantine]

not offended at all, thank you very much :) makes sense

[Moonflower]

You're welcome dear. Just trying to be helpful, I'm not very good at reviewing, trying to improve on that, without being nit-picky. lol. So if I helped, that's awesome. If not, you can cyber slap me? haha Either way, you're an amazing poet, and I'm happy to have found a new favorite. I was starting to worry that there weren't any great writers on here any more..and then, there you were! ;)

[eglantine]

woah now, i appreciate ALL types of feedback. if i'm willing to put myself and my poetry out there, i must be willing to listen to what the world has to say

[JewelsIsabella]

thats awesome really magestic

[Hidden Happiness]

another epic poem about a woman and the beautiful moon:-).