You're the breathing dead

You're looking at yourself

through tinted glass;

you're not aware

that summer's passed.

 

Shivering in a mini skirt,

you tighten your hug

and think it could be worse--

you could be in love.

 

But oh, how your arms

tremble from holding yourself

together and seperated from

life; but life is what you

need since you're the breathing dead.

 

You mistake the snow for ash

and the wind for whispers;

the night is falling--an icy crash

and the homeless angels stir.

 

Your stars are just broken glass

and your chapped lips pray for a wish--

you just want something to last--

something other than life's ashen kiss.

 

But oh, how your arms

tremble from holding yourself

together and seperated from

life; but life is what you

need since you're the breathing dead.

 

And the angels are selling

their wings for cocaine,

poets are pawning

their souls for comfort.

This is the world I live in

you whisper to your reflection

in the tinted glass

 

and you blink

and you blink

and you blink

but you're already awake,

you're just the breathing dead.

Author's Note

So, first lyrics I've tried to write. Be critical, honest, but please remain nice (I'm well aware it's not amazing) :D

Reviews

[Mark D]

I've tried to write poems and tried to write songs (only two or three songs) and I'm well aware that lyrics don't really come across as well written down. Being intended to be heard rather than read I'd say that is always going to be the case.

With lyrics of songs that we cherish it is easier to read them as we know a melody which gives a flow to something that may look broken. Try reading songs lyrics without signing along in your head!

Your lyrics read well and there is some nice lines for sure. I guess the question would be if they come to life with melody and emphasis on particular parts.

I enjoyed reading this. Wish I could hear it as a song. Well done.

Mark

[Celestial Witch Child]

Love it so much. Though perhaps consider revising the usage of "ash" in the fourth stanza and "ashen" in the fifth. To me this gave it a slight feel of redundancy. But all in all it was very well written. (:

[Clayton Bardwell]

I like it. Dark and gloomy, but well done. I'm not versed in lyric but aren't the stanza's supposed to have the same amount of lines? Or does it matter anymore?

I like the repeating stanza.

[eglantine]

thanks , and not sure how lyrics used to be, but no, they do not require the same amt of lines anymore

[Clayton Bardwell]

Good to know. So much to learn.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

To be honest, I never tried to write lyrics and I cannot judge properly your poem. For me it was a pleasant experience. It has a part very evocative and concrete with a mini skirt, I remembered so well one of my university teachers at our final reunion before the final exam, I was impressed because she was not so young wearing her mini skirt, so for me your poem worked as a memory trigger.
Sincerely I think that the verb blink is well chosen here, it has a powerful meaning and it is musical maybe.