You're the breathing dead

You're looking at yourself

through tinted glass;

you're not aware

that summer's passed.

 

Shivering in a mini skirt,

you tighten your hug

and think it could be worse--

you could be in love.

 

But oh, how your arms

tremble from holding yourself

together and seperated from

life; but life is what you

need since you're the breathing dead.

 

You mistake the snow for ash

and the wind for whispers;

the night is falling--an icy crash

and the homeless angels stir.

 

Your stars are just broken glass

and your chapped lips pray for a wish--

you just want something to last--

something other than life's ashen kiss.

 

But oh, how your arms

tremble from holding yourself

together and seperated from

life; but life is what you

need since you're the breathing dead.

 

And the angels are selling

their wings for cocaine,

poets are pawning

their souls for comfort.

This is the world I live in

you whisper to your reflection

in the tinted glass

 

and you blink

and you blink

and you blink

but you're already awake,

you're just the breathing dead.

Author's Note

So, first lyrics I've tried to write. Be critical, honest, but please remain nice (I'm well aware it's not amazing) :D

Reviews

[Mark D]

I've tried to write poems and tried to write songs (only two or three songs) and I'm well aware that lyrics don't really come across as well written down. Being intended to be heard rather than read I'd say that is always going to be the case.

With lyrics of songs that we cherish it is easier to read them as we know a melody which gives a flow to something that may look broken. Try reading songs lyrics without signing along in your head!

Your lyrics read well and there is some nice lines for sure. I guess the question would be if they come to life with melody and emphasis on particular parts.

I enjoyed reading this. Wish I could hear it as a song. Well done.

Mark

[I Shred This Cabbage]

Oh sivvy :) do you have a chord progression for this? I would love for you to share it with me :)

[eglantine]

my friend is a musician and is actually in the process of writing music to go with it. I might sing lol

[...]

This is sooo heavy...I feel it! As a poem or a song; either, it is intense!

[Melobldnfr]

So glad you mentioned these are lyrics! Really made me want to get out my guitar. I think this is absolutely great! Kind of surreal how it relative it feels! Thanks for sharing!

[Hidden Happiness]

omg i feel like slapping myself for not seeing the read requests before...for someone who's writing lyrics for the first time this is really good...the title itself is eye catching but i think that you could work on the way ou construct the sentences...i mean i've read your poems and they provide a much clearer picture through more beautiful words...but stilll great job for a first timer:-):-):-D:-D.

[eglantine]

Thank you :)

[JewelsIsabella]

I don't know why but this reminded me of Thriller the music video and song. I know its weird....i guess because of the zombies and stuff. But the poem is really good. EXTREMELY GOOD!! actully to be honest. This could almost be a scary song if you add the scary backround music.

[SandraBear<33]

i think its realy good!

[afra]

wow ..amazing ..good job

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I like how you compare self-worth with the acknowledgement of somebody else's opinion of that person. How it could be worse if she were in love, or kept alive by the kiss of someone else. The void within us can never be filled by someone else, only by ourselves or to learn to live with it.

It's a very self-critical poem with a harsh inner voice and leaves little compromise for the person being talked about. It's as if she is ruing her loneliness but feels saved she has no-one to depend on. To be caught in that limbo, that bardo that hangs us in the balance.

I like the imagery, I felt very cold and thought of winter. Perhaps just another lonely Christmas for those without family. In that season. Long from human comfort.

We live to die in the company of others or alone.

I like the insight offered by this lyric, as you have quite a personal attachment to it and it speaks volumes.

[eglantine]

Thank you very much for your dissection of my poem :)

[Alex Vidmar]

I have to say. I really enjoy this. It's going into my favorites.