The day your death became a possibility in my life

The Day Your Death Became A Possibility

 

I was rambling about meaningless things,

[French tests and bullshit]

selfish and fishing for your sympathy and

you let me complain like you always have

before finally telling me;

they wanted to open your chest after

fourteen years of healthy tests, to fix

fix the leaky valves of your heart, pull apart

your lungs and scalp the skin with polished

silver tools, clear out the matter clogging

your [life] blood from flowing,

but how could I have known what that meant?

How bad things really were? Mom’s voice

 was eerily cheery when she told me “father’s

fine”, I was so far away.

 

Then I came home and saw your bruised

arms and legs, your shaven belly and

chest, and the eighteen inch scar like a

murder wound left on the living and

it wasn’t right. I’d never seen you

that way; I had to make you rest,

let me do the dishes, your eyes tightly

shut in pain, coughing hesitantly

with a heart shaped pillow that the

nurse women hand-sewed

for you hugged to your chest.

 

And we had a stoned talk about if you had died.

You told me you had taught me everything you

had to teach, that finishing school was the most important

thing and though I was beginning

to understand that murky void that

could one day be [a life without you]

it was still so far away, a dim and distant outline,

something that the doctors had fixed and I

tried to neatly tuck into backward corners of my mind.

 

But death is not a sneaking creature,

he is a barefaced bounty hunter reminding

me shamelessly of the promise he must keep.

Eventually he will take you.

Reviews

[LUCIFER LUCIFER]

I like this very much

[Tony]

Your use of enjambment works well to create a fast paced, or mind racing feeling. Really felt the sincerity and emotional content of this one and the images you present throughout are stirring. Riveting write.

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

This was so scary but good as well..I can totally relate.. having been there as well . I love that you take a subject that is hard to look at head on and you look deep and fill the page with meaning and truth.. that is good poetry.