9 Lines for Her

Your love is like a shot of whiskey, only burns for a few minutes but feels great after. 

I’ve been alone,

hiding under hoarded blankets, hoping it'll change like the seasons soon.

 

My cigarettes, filtered. 

Bringing luck with just one strike.

Your mouth, unfiltered. Shut up.

We walk, but I run. Your stride is longer than a giraffe. You have giraffe legs. Sorry.

 Your head is so very large, won’t you come back down.

I can’t take it anymore.

She crawls through a maze to the edge of familiarity and comfort.

He swims through all the tears shredded from them both.

Only wishing for her to come back.

If we’re together, feelings fly and kites come across a little higher. 

If apart, the sky falls.

The bottle of whiskey is tilted against my lips but my head is split.

Reviews

[x]

I love the subtle Lucky Strike reference; somewhat of a double entendre that probably only a smoker would catch. I also like how that leads into the "your mouth is unfiltered" line. The tone of this poem is interesting, I enjoyed it.

[Ms. Gruye]

I very much enjoy how you are able to leap from observation to logical conclusion. The impact is significantly insightful, from whiskey burn analogy to blanket hoarding, what a great association. I also enjoy the "When we walk, I run"

the syntax here feels a little off, as if you are stuttering on purpose. There is a sparseness that is undeserving of your observations. I would suggest perhaps rethinking the order of some of these statements to make the flow a little more polished. such as:

"Your stride is longer than a giraffe. You have giraffe legs. Sorry."

great write down,

viva la

[.]

. brilliantly captivating ...

[Crinkle°]

cute, tender and funny.