Cigarettes and Sitting.

Flash fiction.

An ashtray, a pack of cigarettes and two coffee cups, occupy the table where the couple is sitting. The man smokes his cigarette slowly and sips his coffee between his teeth. She looks at him. 

"Weather turned out great today, Nico?" 

He puts on his sunglasses. "Mmm, great. Yeah." 

"You haven't said much since we sat down. Something's botherin' you.." 

He flicks the ash and takes a drag. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

"Well, we're not so good anymore, you and I. My cigarettes don't taste the same. My coffee even lost its flavor not too long ago. There's just no juice left, sweetheart. We’re boring together, you know? We sit and smoke, sit and drink coffee, sit and stare. Why? I have no f*****g idea. But it's ripping me alive. I sit and stare when your not around because it feels as if I can't sit and stare without you. Do you have that problem? Well, f**k if you don't. Then I guess I have it bad enough for both of us. You hearing me, Zooey?" 

She has no response, which is present through her eyes and the slight, noticeable tremble on her upper lip. A few minutes pass and she stares into her mug while gripping it like a fisherman and a catch. "Ripples." She puts the cigarette to her lips and exhales through her nose before says, "Every time I light one of these, it reminds me of you and that there is a deep fire within both of us." 

He puts the cigarette out in the ashtray filled with butts, mainly from him. Staring he says, "So. You agree then?" 

"That maybe we.." 

"No. I'm finished, kaput. You hear me." He reaches for his last cigarette, stands and rolls his Zippo to life. "This is our fire, baby. And I'm putting it out for good." He leaves the Zippo behind.

Reviews

[Lola Nation]

two minor edits: first line "an ashtray, two packs of cigarettes and two coffee cups occupy the table" (occupy)

Not sure what the expression here is - she draws a blank? She draws blank, clearly present by her eyes and the slight tremble on her upper lip. (I would revise)

I like his last response.

[Vanesa Markovic]

It worked well, up until the very end, and you lost me in one line.
"He puts the cigarette out in the ashtray filled with butts from these two. Staring at her, he says, "We're going to fine." "We're not going to be fine. I'm finished. Kaput." "
Was that entire bit spoken by him, as in "We're going to be fine? We're not going to be fine..."

Lost me a little there, however that aside, I did like this.
I really enjoyed one part in particular...
"We're not so good anymore, you and I. My cigarettes don't taste the same."
Very well written, that.