Night One: Wake up Scream

The first chapter of my story.

Night One: Wake Up Scream

 

Got to keep running, just keep running.  I have to keep moving.  I can’t let her catch me!

Derek began to run faster at the apparition gained on him. She was the scariest thing Derek had seen in his life, and from what he could he could tell, she always would be.

Faster…Faster! I have to go faster!

Derek was running faster than he ever had trying to escape this…Thing. He looked behind him to try to get another glimpse of what he was running from.

She has long flowing white hair, and a wrinkled face. Her eyes were sunk in so deep that it appeared that she had none. Her jaw seemed as though it was detached as she glided effortlessly down the hallway after him. She was wearing a long robe that flapped in the wind behind her.  Scariest of all, she had claws that looked as if they would slice steel in half.

Derek gulped and turned his head forward and pushed himself to run faster. Suddenly he tripped on the floor, and he was sent reeling to the ground. He scrambled against a wall as the ghostly woman closed in on him.

This is it I guess…This is the end of Derek Atlas! Derek thought as she raised her clawed hand. With one single swipe she would end this…He watched in horror as she brought her hand down. The last thing he saw was her horrible grin and then…He woke up.

“Whew…What a dream that was. I’m sweating like a pig. I had better go take a quick shower. He glances at the clock. It was one in the morning. Derek has gone to bed pretty early last night because he had a lot on his mind. What was he going to do about his girlfriend? She hadn’t called him since yesterday, and he wasn’t even sure she would. She was the kind of person who tends to make a decision and stick with it until the person learns a lesson. This was a poor match up, as Derek was strong willed and never gave in to demands. He almost never learned a lesson from anything.
                He shed his clothes and stepped into the shower. When he turned the faucet he jumped back. The water was ice cold. As it began to heat up, Derek could feel his muscles relax. He let the warm water flow over him. This was nice. He felt as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He looked up and jumped back once more. The facet was leaking a red substance instead of giving off water. Derek reached to turn it off, but it appeared that whatever had happened was gone, and it was flowing normally again.

W-Was that…Blood? Derek wondered.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. This night certainly was out of the ordinary. Suddenly, Derek heard a peculiar noise. It sounded a bit like a whistle, only a little to shrill. Derek opened the bathroom door and the sound filled his ears. Derek then recognized the sound. It was a scream. Derek quickly got dressed and headed for the door. Before he even got a grip on the door knob it seemed to turn by itself.  He grabbed it, and turned it the rest of the way, and the door swung open. As soon as he let his hand drop from the knob, the screaming stopped. The blood curdling noise still run clear in his ear, but when that faded, so too did his courage. He could feel his hands begin to tremble as he stood in the hallway.

Thump…

Derek looked up. What was that?

Thump…Thump…

Derek’s eyes searched around in the darkness. What the hell is that?

Thump…Thump…Thump…

Three steady thumps could be heard. Derek saw something dart along the shadowy hallway.

“W-W-Who’s there?” Derek asked. His voice was hoarse and small. A bone chilling cackle could be heard resounding through the hallway.

“Do you really want to know?” said a voice as cold as ice.

Derek’s heart leapt into his throat. He wanted to scream, but his vocal chords weren’t working. He then saw a face appear in the darkness. Derek couldn’t believe his eyes.

“W-W-Who a-are you?” Derek managed. The face just emitted the same cackle as before.

Darkness enveloped him and then…Nothing.

Author's Note

I usually write short chapters when it comes to stories. Assume what you will about the ending. All will become clearer in the next chapter.

Reviews

[seal]

HOLY CRAP! This story's got suspense to the MAX! I love it! Love it so much. I you would like to enter this in my contest go to
http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/The-Night/10592/

it's a contest i don't think you'll have a problem with. :)

[J.M. Barrett]

Another small suggestion before I begin. Again, I may just be reading it wrong.
It reads: Derek began to run faster at the apparition gained on him.
Shouldn't it be "as the apparition..." due to the word apparition being a noun? I could be wrong though. At almost makes it seem he is running towards the figure.

I really like this sentence: He looked behind him to try to get another glimpse of what he was running from.

I feel like you really capture in your writing how the human mind works.

I also like how after the description of the ghost-ish character you added this: Derek gulped and turned his head forward and pushed himself to run faster.
It gives the story a very realistic tone.

I thought the dream was brilliant. It's portrays sort of a "residue of the day" type dream. Things come up in our dreams in weird ways, when it really represents what is occurring in our lives. Derek's dream seemed to suggest something went on with his girlfriend before being kicked out (hence the fear and the chasing by a ghostly woman, maybe she is sort of naggy?) and a mixture of him staying in a creepy hotel with an eccentric hotel worker. Just my interpretation I could be completely wrong though! :]

Another great ending to your chapter as well. It kept me wanting more. I can't wait for your next chapter! Read request it to me as soon as you are done!

[Moth Phoenix]

Wow this is a great story :]
Feel bad for Derek but who wouldn't being chased by that thing. Great description of her by the way :]