a few poems for my identity

these poems are written by, Emma Collete Wise. please give all credit.

Distubance in your head:

i hate the light how it reminds me of the dreams that used to live inside my head. close the blinds, pull the curtains do not disturb the man inside my head. he is creating new nightmares, new horrible thoughts that cross my mind at 2 am. the man chooses my path. i sit in darkness waiting for the signal, waiting for it to be ok to sleep again. the pain comes from the mans ideas, they start out as memories but fade slowly into depressing reminders of what is left. i dont listen to the man when he tells me to sleep. i just lay there crying hoping he will be gone tomorrow morning. but the sun rises and i try to rest my head but they all quickly flash inside my head every mistake every failure. everything that keeps me from living begins to play and i listen.

Memories no longer help:

i remember all of them, i lay in bed thinking about everything happy.then the moons starts to shine and it becomes night. i count the seconds before it begins 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. you may now begin. how did it happen? i loved it, i was happy for the dear parts of each day, i need to go back, i cant go back. i cry throughout the night so silent the black cat doesnt creep up next to me its all gone. i cant fill the holes that have been made.they crumble around the edges forcing me to remember they are still remaining. i dont belong here this is not my place to live. i shall find a way out. goodbye cliche world you have nothing for me anymore you can keep your lies i never liked them.

Don't you remember?:

why cant you remember, what have you done? the memories, all the pain the suffering, the holes inside my heart. i wasted one too many lives. i must sit in the dark rest my head and let the demons eat me alive. i did it, i caused all this why cant the moon just go away! i dont need your f*****g reminders i know what i promised. i wont give you the satisfaction of keeping my heart, you only get the broken peices. i didnt like them anyways. the light is rising and i am falling its time to put that barbie smile back on and give the light what it wants. not you, not me, but your thoughts. the light takes your dreams and removes them from the safe keeping place you always kept them at, your tears.

Get out of my head:

get out ! get out, get out, get out ! i dont need this from you. you already told me what to do. i denied, i refused, declined making sense yet? you will never get what you want because you drilled a hole inside my head for the little visiters. they come as they want and leave once i have been hit to hard to continue. i cant believe i trusted you. get your memories out of my head ! i dont want them anymore. you forced this on me. now im gone and your still there. now you wish we switched spots. i dont want you in my head get out memories. or ill leave instead.

Lighter than my heart:

i go outside. the light shines on my eyes, it burns the memories back. how did you get here? your supposed to be at the back of my head, and yet you continue to wander closer and closer to my former thoughts. its like even if i wanted to burn the thoughts away, i couldnt. without this disease to constantly crave the darkness, i might be happy. but i dont want happiness, i want to feel something. i want to be able to feel my pain. you caused it memories, you made me numb. and now i feel nothing. memories are supposed to create happiness right?  my memories are drugs, one more pill, one more pill, one more pill. and now after years of thoses pills being brought into my head, i finally went numb. thanks memories.

Fake memories:

i thank the sky for all the fake memories i have inside my head. none of the feeling went both ways. tears wasting, words molded into such hate i couldnt breathe. you were my strength but what do you do when your strength leaves you to die. i lay there weak drowning in my own tears and thoughts. blades cant fix it this time. nothing can. what happened to together? what happened to forever? was any of it real or was my mind just playing tricks on me? were they all behind the words? did they all fake the memories? what did i do ! what did i do ! i was trying to live right. to live safe i dont know anymore whats happening? was i having a good life for too long? was i born to be sad.

New broken start:

as the golden half moon searches for its spot in the sky i lay in the grass. watching the stares begging them to give me one reset. i want a new start, a new broken start one that will be broken just enough for me to care about. i close my eyes and before i get a second of peace, the tears gently rush down my cheek. i used to love this world, it was gentle towards me, i always felt safe. now i just hope tiredly that the next disaster wont be worse than the last. i dont know how long i can survive these diasters. my heart breaks everday, over and over again i trust the moon. but it always seems to disappoint me and my heart. the sky has cut me so deep inside me, blades cant even reach it.