Before the Vortex

Leaf faces despair over her lost family and yields to her loneliness.

Leaf

 

By Eddie Davis

 

© 2015

 

 

1.

Before the Vortex

 

 

In the timeless place, the place of the Sidhe, Llaiannileaf stood unmoving.  She stared, wide-eyed, into the Chronal Well, hypnotized by the swirling of time in the multiverses.

 

They were fading; disappearing one by one, and she was not sure how she knew this.   Yet this did not concern her now, like it should, for she had graver concerns.

 

Her family was not coming back.   Of course here there was no time, no gauge to show the passage since they had left.   But it was clear to her that they would not return.

 

It was the way of her people - caught off guard and trapped, or killed; perhaps captivated by some of the mortals and then lost from this place within the whirlpool of time.   Why did they find the worlds so fascinating?   Was not everything  that would give them contentment and joy found here?  

 

Yet they had all been pulled away, for various reasons.   A desire to assist, or perhaps foolishly prevent the onslaught of change upon the mortals.   A longing to be within the flow of time, in one strand and in one universe, moving forward amidst the mortals.   Watching them desperately fight the hourglass until death took them away.

 

How few ever returned here; though it was possible.   Hadn’t her father mastered the Chronal flow?   He had jumped back and forth in one specific flow, in one universe, moving forward and backward in time.  

First, he had gone to the very end of time, as their universe collapsed and they tried frantically to escape in their jump-ships to other worlds that they knew nothing about and had no hope of ever reaching.   Then he went back to the beginning, where they savagely built empires of mud bricks with bronze tools, bowing before him and proclaiming him a god.  

 

Back and forth he had moved and worked, pruning and picking as if their world was a shrub, until his hand had greatly changed the flow of time to a course he thought best.

 

Then, once he had set that right, he had moved on to another Chronal flow, then another after that, and yet another, until he had helped craft the courses of many worlds.    

 

But, one time, he never returned.   They waited in their timeless way, until her mother and brother jumped into that world, to search for him.  

 

Only none of them ever returned.  

 

Next went her two sisters, but they too vanished.   Finally her aunt and cousin left.   They also failed to return.

 

Waiting was impossible in a timeless place like this.   There was no waiting; for departures and arrivals into the well were immediate and one could spend centuries in a world and then jump back here to find that those who remained here had only time to blink their eyes before they had returned.

 

No, they were not coming back, and she was the last one here.   The last of her people- at least in this timeless place.   Perhaps there were many others, but she had not known of them.

 

The thought of a solitary life was unbearable, even here.   So Llaiannileaf did what she knew she must.   She did what any of her people would have done; though perhaps sooner than she had acted.

 

She looked around at the only home she had known and took in the sight so she could remember it in the long ages without it.   Tears filled her eyes as she inhaled the flowery air one last time.  

 

Then with her eyes closed and her arms spread wide as if to embrace a giant, she fell over.  She tumbled for only an instant, before slipping into the maelstrom of time.

 

Reviews

[Elina]

Well, I have finally made it around to reading and editing this. I apologize for taking so long. It was good to read this again...I am excited to continue on with the rest.


"In the timeless place, the place of the Sidhe, Llaiannileaf stood unmoving, staring wide-eyed into the Chronal Well, hypnotized by the swirling of time in the multiverses." This may sound better as two sentences; "...stood unmoving. She stared, wide-eyed, into..."
"They were fading, one by one, and she was not sure how she knew this, but indeed they were disappearing." This feels a bit repetitive and awkward, to me. You might try rewording it a bit.
"Of course here there was no time, no gauge to show the passage since they had left, but it was clear to her that they would not return." This is a bit of a run-on. Perhaps start a second sentence at "But it was clear..."
"Was not everything here that would give them contentment and joy?" Perhaps move "here" to the end of the sentence... "Was not everything that would give them contentment and joy here?"
"First, he had went to the very end of time..." You will want to change "went" to "gone."
"...they tried frantically to escape in their jump ships..." It might make things a little easier if you combine "jump ships" using a hyphen. It makes things a bit more...obvious? for the reader.
"Then back to the first..." It may sound better as something along the lines of "Then he went back to the beginning..." ?
"Then, one time, he never returned." Because the sentence/paragraph before this one also starts with "then," it may sound better to start with "However" or "But" or something along those lines.
"Only to not return." This is an incomplete sentence, and sounds a bit awkward, too. Perhaps a little re-wording?
"Next came her two sisters, but they too vanished. Finally her aunt and cousin and they too did not come back." Perhaps, instead, something like "Next went her two sisters, but they, too, vanished. Finally, her aunt and cousin left. They also failed to return."
"So Llaiannileaf did what she knew that she must." You can probably leave "that" out.
"Then with her eyes closed and her arms spread wide as if to embrace a giant, she fell over, tumbling for only an instant, then into the maelstrom of time." Perhaps make this into two sentences? "...she fell over. She tumbled for only an instant, and then she entered the maelstrom of time."

[Eddie Davis]

Thank you, Elina, I appreciate your expertise.

[Dhaye]

Wow! This sounds interesting, Eddie. I am guessing she will also go to the world of mortals. About your character rendering, she's so beautiful, I think my favorite among those I have seen from your other books.

You're fantastic. Keep it up!

[Eddie Davis]

Thank you, Dhaye, this story is a bit of a different style for me and (for me) it is rather short. It is about 154 pages total, 15 chapters in length. Thanks for the compliment on the rendering, it turned out very nice.

[Dhaye]

You're welcome.