Future Doubts

Aurei lies awake nervously thinking about her future.

57.

Future Doubts

 

 

Aurei Bugley found the night nearly endless as she lie alone in bed thinking about Eleazar after Queen Eioldth had thrown her a beautiful bridal party.   It had been a wonderful time filled with laughter and even tears and throughout it all she kept feeling almost numb with the perfection of it all.

Alis’ party had been certainly fancier back in King’s Reach, but somehow this had seemed even richer and more personal.   It was as if it was held at the absolute perfect time and place.   Nothing interrupted them, nothing distracted them and nothing loomed before them as it had with Alis’ gathering.  

 

So all had relaxed and enjoyed themselves and though it would be a memory she would cherish forever, Aurei now had an almost melancholy mood come over her as she laid there tossing and turning, partially from the Ssinssrigg-Chath, which was worse tonight with Eleazar’s absence, yet also from a strange sad feeling that she was on the verge of a great ending of a stage in her life.  

 

Of course she knew that was the truth, but hadn’t she already changed drastically in the past year?   Nothing was the same, and yet though she had much more responsibility which sometimes stressed her out far too greatly, she also had new friendships, newly found family members, and, most importantly, a soul-mate that tomorrow would be formally and completely her husband.

 

The thought thrilled her, yet carried with it the dread of her inexperience at the role of a wife.   Even the intimate part terrified her to death, though she squirmed in bed longing for that very thing.   Then there would be motherhood.   She knew it would happen very quickly; though she didn’t know how that she knew this.   Perhaps it was Yesh’s will or perhaps their children would serve some great purpose.

 

But how would she be as a mother?   Having a baby look at her for guidance and all of its needs seemed both the most awesome and most terrifying thing in the world to her at that moment.  

 

She took a deep breath to calm nerves down.   She wouldn’t go through it alone.   Eleazar would be there, as would her friends and Zeatt.   It wasn’t a criminal sentence she was facing, but a blessing.   Not that this knowledge made it any easier.   Could she do it all, or would the stress make her lose her mind as she almost did a few days ago?

 

She smiled and knew the answer.   They wouldn’t let her, and she wouldn’t allow herself to either, not when she had people that she loved counting on her.   All of her life she had wondered if she really fit in here, among these people.   Now she knew.   She fit perfectly.

 

With a contented sigh, Aurei fell into the light sleep of anxious anticipation.