Black Flag

"I give it to you for twenty dollars."

The grey haired old hag had been trying to barter with her for ages. Lotus looked at the old lady, really looked at her. Bones were sticking through her skin, dark shadows rimmed her eyes. The old hag was tired, and hungry.

Lotus looked at the bracelet. It was only worth five dollars, in all honesty. However, today she was feeling generous, a mood that was far and few in between for her. Lotus snorted in disgust before flinging the fifty-dollar note onto the beggars table.

"Do yourself a favour, and buy some new clothes you pathetic old hag"

Nose upturned into the air, she stalked off. In her hand, she held the bracelet. Shining a silver colour, encrusted all over with blue gemstones, and if Lotus had to guess what it was, sapphires.

The girl sighed and shook her head, continuing her march down the uneven cobblestone road. In front of her, the crowd split in two, none daring to touch her.

She, always seen as the person to avoid, even as a child. She had matured young for her age. This led her to create a colder mask for herself. One that extended so deep into herself she had forgotten who she really was. Was she this cold, woman who had no care for anyone? Or perhaps was she able to be kind and caring.

Kind and caring.

Two words that was never associated with Lotus. Ever. Just like the word family was never associated with her. The word was never spoken around her, for she had lost hers at a young age, barely that of four revolutions. Young enough to remember the carnage that stole them, but not old enough to remember the smiling faces - or at least she liked to assume that they smiled.

Lotus liked to assume many things, that she had the capability to be nice, that her parents had been happy. She also knew many things, like the fact that no one knew her true name. To name someone was to mean that you could find them, and names had power.

When someone calls your name, you knew that it was you that were called, and not the person standing next to you. Names were the things that defined you. If someone knew your name, by default it meant that someone knew how to control you.

When she had arrived to this small town five weeks ago, the local bar tender had given her the name Lotus, meaning dreamlike. She had snorted then, peering down at him. He reeked of alcohol and was balding. Despite this, she did nothing to stop him from calling her Lotus, and soon the rest of the village had begun calling her that.

Lotus pulled the thick wool cloak around her shoulders, tighter. Her fingers clenched the rough material, holding it for all she was worth. Almost immediately, Lotus regretted giving the old hag that much money. She needed it for herself. However, she was more likely to live through the night then the old hag, and by default, did not need it as much as her.

One step, two.

For every step she took, she could feel the worn rocks beneath her feet. She knew if she looked at her slipper, she would be able to see that the material was worn, almost right through to the hardened skin of her feet.

Casting a weary glance around her, she slipped into an alley nearby. It stunk of human waste but there truly was nothing she could do about that. Holding her breath as best she could, she continued her walk home, glancing nearby at the local theatre, noticing a black flag was displayed proudly.

Wondering what play was on, she wondered closer. Many people queued in front of the wide doors, standing in the middle of the crowd, she mentally calculated if she had enough money to enter. Sighing sadly in disappointment, she tried turning away, only to be swept inside by the crowd.

Bodies were crammed together, the smell almost making her gag. Lotus was being pushed around by many. However, when they noticed who they were shoving, they all stopped. Most had terrified looks upon their faces, some sneered.

Ignoring the urge to gag, she pulled the nastiest scowl onto her face, and straightened, pretending to put out an air of dignity around her. It was hard, considering all she wished to do was crawl home and sleep the day away.

Lotus allowed the crowd to sweep her into the theatre, and remained silent as the actors began swarming onto the stage.

When the play was over, Lotus was disappointed. The play did not do anything for her, despite the fact that almost every one in the theatre was weeping when the play finished. She herself had experienced something much sadder, the play were more likely to make her laugh.

However, Lotus could not laugh. Laughing meant she felt something, and Lotus did not feel. She had lost the ability to feel a long time ago.

Turning on her heel, she followed the swarms exiting the theatre. Once again, no one dared go near her.

Lotus could not understand why people did not approach her, however she did not care to find out. So, it was not much of a surprise when a body slammed into her side, the people who could see gasped loudly, causing those around them to turn and look themselves. The whole crowd became silent, except for sharp gasps or small murmurs.

Lotus laid sprawled on the ground, groaning lightly to herself. Her dress had hitched up to her knees, a scandal. Mud was slowly seeping into her cloak and caking her hair.

Lotus almost felt something akin to anger run through her body, but it was impossible, for she did not feel. She only was.

“Excuse me my Lady, I am terribly sorry”

Lotus glanced up at the man, looking only that of twenty five, he had a chiselled jaw and broad shoulders. Long hair curled around his face, most being tied back at the nape of his neck.

Due to the sun being directly behind the man, she could not see the features of his face.

“Perhaps, Sir, next time you should watch where you are going, or lead the risk of knocking a maiden unconscious”

With a deadly calm, Lotus rose back onto her feet. Mud dripped from her hair, and caked the back of her cloak. She knew that she would have to go home and wash it, probably one thousand times before it ever felt the same again.

Holding her head high and her shoulders back, she began walking away from the man.

“Wait! I do not know your name” With a sigh she turned round, to face the stranger.

“Names hold power, they are dangerous. To know my name is to say that you know me, which you most certainly do not.”

Finishing her small speech, she again turned and continued walking, leaving a baffled crowd behind.

Reviews

[Nikki]

I love how you described her at the beginning, and about her theroy of names. (:

[The Calm Scribe]

Very well done. Pay attention to grammar and tenses, as well as wording i.e. "wondering what play was on, she (wandered) wonder over." Very exciting story but I agree with some of the comments below, it seems more of a skeleton of a chapter and can use a bit more fluffing out and stretching. Perhaps some more metal discourse, or a bit more background on the old hag, or even a bit more detail of the city she is in. Great work keep it up!

[Sarah Wilson]

Really interesting! There are a few sentences I would fix, just for flow or grammar, but its pretty good! It grabs your attention, and makes you want to read more, without totally giving up the plot.
I would also maybe add a bit more detail to certain scences, make her linger a bit longer, it seems to jump a bit.
I also like how she got her "name"

[Aarea]

This is a very good beginning to a story. It gets the reader curious and has good ideas. A couple of things to watch out for however: there are a few grammatical errors that make reading the story confusing. Also, the fact that Lotus feels no emotions makes it very hard to relate to her as a character. The story idea is brilliant and your writing is good. The introduction with the hag showed impressive writing skills that immediately let you see who the character is and how she acts. Overall, well done. :)

[EJ Coleman]

Great first chapter, directly puts you in a certain mood and sets the tone for what's to come. You already get to know Lotus and feel sympathy for her, and there's just enough backstory without it being too much info-dump. I expect that the way people treat her will be explained in time, and that's the way it should be; leaving the readers curious and wanting more. I do think the setting needs to be described more, as it doesn't seem to be set in our world and we have practically no idea how everything looks. I was also a bit confused as to how she got into the theatre without paying when they just swept her along, and how did they do that without getting near her?

[richieb]

Your story has potential but there are unfinished thoughts which confuse the reader. The bracelet dealings with hag, Lotus fearsome appearance, and the scene at the playhouse all need to be expounded on. Relax, and don't get ahead of yourself. With more explanation and description your story will have more depth.
Richie B.

[Rick]

You paint a good picture of Lotus's personality, she reminds me of the young Stark girl in Game of Thrones. I felt a little confused by people's reactions to her presence... why terrified looks? I can picture the setting somewhat, but take your time and expand on it, grow it - paint the picture, so to speak. Be patient, it's difficult sometimes (when you know where you are going in your head) to ensure that the reader is seeing the same picture that you are. I believe the saying is "few and far between" but I don't think it works in that sentence. Maybe something like, "Today she was feeling generous. For Lotus, these kindnesses were few and far between." Just a thought. You seem to have a good vocabulary, just keep an eye on sentence structure and make sure that the words flow smoothly. If you trip over some of your own words when reading, then your readers most definitely will. Keep writing! :)