In My Sisters Shadow

Growing up isn’t easy when you’re living in your sister's shadow. You never get noticed for your accomplishments or praised for your creativity. You’re never loved like she is because you don’t shine as bright, you don’t stand out. You blend with your surroundings. You learn to live in the dark because that’s when you’re strongest; you learn to live surrounded by the sun but never touching it, never feeling it. But the clouds roll in like they always do and you are invisible. You are nothing.

My life started great. My sister and I grew in a warm place and we were never apart. Ever. We were inseparable from the moment our hands touched for the first time. We had no knowledge of anything outside our small room but we would put our heads close and whisper late into the night about everything. Sometimes my sister kicked at the walls and someone on the outside would laugh and call out loudly. I liked when that happened. I liked the person's voice. My sister would place her arms around me and smile and I would never want to leave.

But it wasn’t long before my sister starting getting bigger. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t growing like she was. I was hungry. I was weak. I was scared. She whispered to me again, grabbed at my hands, pulled me closer. It wasn’t long until she had taken everything. I faded into virtually nothing and when my sister was finally born, screaming bloody murder for the world to hear, I found myself on the floor looking up at her trembling red body. 

I was never acknowledged. Never looked after. Never hugged or giggled at or loved. I followed my sister everywhere but no one knew I existed. No one but my sister. She glanced at me sometimes from the corner of her eye, worried, cautious. I stared back with heated silence. She knew I was there and she knew that I knew what she’d done.

My sister killed me.

And nobody was there to see it.

I don’t let her sleep at night; I mix with the darkness and sit next to her in bed, brushing my hands over her face. She cries and begs me to leave her alone but I have no words to respond, only ghost-like lips to press against her temples. I love her with all my heart so I’ll take her piece by tiny piece. She got the life I’ve always pined for and living in my sister's shadow isn’t quite the same as living in her mind.