Yes your right it is not a Traditional Japanese Haiku. It is an English Haiku. Japanese Haiku is 5-7-5 whereas English Haiku are based on 17 syllables and under.
This is really good! But it's not a haiku. A haiku has in it's first line five syllables, then seven syllables in the second line, and five syllables again in the last line. This goes two, four, five.
A really good write, but not a haiku.
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