the girl in blue

the girl in blue is a poem/story that is a fantasy style story, please give me any of the thought you have on this piece of writing, i'd love to hear what you think.

the warm air

do i dare

the deer is there

in the warm air

my pistol shakes

as my hand takes

in what it is about to do

what will i do?

the deer walks

and that causes me to stalk

the gun pointed at the deer

and i grow in fear

my hand is shaking

my mind is waking 

then a girl in a dress so beautifully blue

walks to the deer and kneels in the morning dew

the deer walks over without a doubt

and I give a little shout

for around the stunning girl

are all sorts of animals, my mind a whirl

for they all where hugging, showing affection for this girl in blue

what will i do?

i cannot shoot the deer now

but how will i give the king a hoof, how?

then the girl spots me and smiles at first

then sees the gun and i curse

but she keeps on smiling but with fear in her face

because if i shot it would ruin her grace

i  put down the gun to show i mean no harm

and she smiles at my charm

she signals for me to come to her and and the deer

and my mind grows in fear

but nether the less i walk with great fear

but she smiles as i come near

she stands and strokes the deer

"what where you going to do to this innocent deer?"

she asked still stoking the deer but with her fists tight

and i answer with all my might

"forgive me, my lady but it was for the kings commands to have the hooves of a deer"

then her face became rather queer 

"that stupid king, he didnt listen to me!"

i stood there confused, my mind screaming to flee

she looked at me and then shook her head

"he wishes for these animals to be dead?"

i nodded still shaking

but she wasn't faking

anger boiled in her face

and there went her beautiful grace 

her dress turned a blood red 

my heart grew to led

for her anger was clearly in charge

and all animals small and large

growled and yapped and did angry flaps

and you could tell she didnt need a map

because she looked in the direction of the castle in rage

and looked at me, i felt like a lion in a cage

big and mighty on the outside but small and timid on the inside

she said before leaving me

"when he's dead you must flee"

"why must i go"

"because it will show

that you have been with me

because you cant harm an animal" 

"so i will be a canibal"

she laughed at my joke

but didnt laugh like other folk

it was a cold dark laugh

and i will always avoid her path

because if you meet the woman in blue

you life will be in her shoes

and trust me you dont want that

i would know im like her pet deer to pat

what happened to the king you ask

he found a nasty surprise in his golden flask

so dont mess with the girl in blue

do you want her coming after you?

Author's Note

please keep in mind that i'm only 12.

Reviews

[Briana Noël Manzan..]

Good use of vocabulary and imagery! Nice story as well, I'm impressed :) Keep writing!

[earthgirl16]

Thanks! :)