The Dark Wood

This is a poem I wrote, which is a sort of psychological poem kind of thing. I don't have much to say.

I cannot embrace my fear

I cannot face it.

I cannot stand strong with courage in my heart.

No, I will fall down, my face covered with grit.

 

My heart pounds,

My breath thins,

And makes some sound

And I know that I know in my heart it will win.

 

In this dark wood,

This place of my fears,

This thing is chasing me.

In my eyes there are tears.

 

And I trip

And my fear loosens its grip.

So I look up,

Oh, I look up and see

 

That the thing,

That creature I fear,

That creature

Is me.

Author's Note

This is one of my first poems, so it's probably not that good. Constructive criticism is encouraged, but try not to be TOO hard on me.

Reviews

[la Abeja]

This is really good, much better than some of my first poems.

I like your subject matter too. Some times out biggest fears do come from within, the unseen person that we are, or who we're afraid we'll become.

The line "In my eyes there are tears" doesn't seem to flow as well though as the rest of the poem. Maybe because the rhyme seems a little forced?

All in all, I think it is a really great poem. Keep it up!

[robyn.alexandra]

The things you try and put across are very interesting and I can see the possibility of this being excellent. I feel the rhyme is a little forced and holds the message back, open up the lines a bit more, expand on what your saying. Don't just tell us, show us in original ways, think of something not so direct that needs some of the readers own thoughts and ideas to make sense.
But just keep working and you'll get there, my first poems were so choppy and tight but I've loosened up with practice, it just takes work!

[Sasha]

I'll be gentle since this is one of your first times... writing a poem.
It's really not that bad at all. If you didn't mention it being a first, I probably wouldn't have assumed as much. I especially liked the third stanza. The rhyme worked well in it (for me, anyway), and it created good imagery. The last stanza was a close second because I appreciated the repitition. For a first, third, or twentieth poem, you did very well. Believe me, I've seen "seasoned poets" come up with much worse.