[ Walking an uneven road, ]

This is my latest attempt at rhyming.

Walking an uneven road,

carrying a heavy load.

with no place for repose-

or spot to unload.

 

My mind writes an ode

to open spaces and rain.

for seeds we haven’t sowed,

and links of time like chains.

 

Feet planted in the soil left unplowed.

the earth beneath us, rough, rugged-

tear drops fall from thunder-clouds.

pouring from- an emptying bucket.

 

Like memories fade away,

as metal turns to brownish rust.

the past like boulders weighs

upon me, reminders of broken trust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Still a beginner when it comes to writing like this. Could use some mentoring in rhyming and different forms. Would love to develop the skill further. Give me honest critique.

Reviews

[TheAimlessWanderer]

honestly i actual found that it gave it quite unique tone and pace to it by having not all of it rhyme
my interpretation of it is life beats us down not giving us a chance for rest and all we can do is regret the past not having a chance to stand back up by the time we realize this we are already old and regret that we thought back on it so much and wasted our time in the present only living in the past and future we lose faith in life and hope for it getting any better that is what i got from this
if i were you i would continue to pursue this style because it seems you have natural flow outside of rhyme which a lot of the time is more beautiful great imagery and use of figurative language keep writing ! (:

[CoffeeHunter]

I definitely get a sense of disappointments, things not accomplished, an empty life almost or a life that has lacked nurturer.

[Robert Haigh]

Not a bad effort. If you want to improve at writing metered, rhyming poetry, read some poems by famous writers, and study how the poems are structured. Basic things like counting the syllables in each line, and the rhyming pattern (ABAB, or AABB for example). The more you write the better you will become.