The Room

The Room

A Story by dylanw27

The walls were black.  The parts of the sky I could see from the corroded ceiling was also dark.  I couldn’t see more than two feet in front of me.  But I could hear something.  It sounded like footsteps.  They were getting closer, and louder.  The thuds were all I could hear, it was as if that was the only thing in reality.  I stood, only to slip in some warm liquid.  I fell onto my back, a sharp pain jabbed up my spine as I hit the floor.  I brought my hand to my nose and sniffed.  I was lying in my own urine, the stench rancid.  How did I not notice this before?  I looked around, my eyes adapting to the darkness, I could now see faintly.  All around me was pee and feces.  Vomit came to my mouth and spewed onto the yellow and brown floor.  I could still hear someone drawing nearer and nearer, but now I could hear something else.  It sounded like metal scraping against concrete.  Whoever it was, was pulling something behind them, but what were they going to do?  I stood once more, this time being careful of my surroundings.  That wasn’t enough though; I was disoriented and fell to the ground once more, this time my head hit off the piss stained ground.

Horrible memories flooded back into my mind as my cranium was smacked.  Visions of someone in a black hood dragging a large metal chain behind him.  He was big, too big to be human.  His broad torso exposed to the chilled air.  I was a cop, my gun held up; “stay back!” I warned him.  The giant just kept coming.  I shot him in the leg, it didn’t even phase it.  The things arm rose up and whipped back down.  The end of the chain heading straight to my head.  There wasn’t enough room for me to move.  Then I remembered being stuck in this room, trying to desperately get out, all to no avail.  He came in every once in a while to feed me, but I had to use this small room as a washroom.  That was all I could recall; I had no idea how long I had been in here, no connection to the outside world.  KLANK!  The bolt on the metal door shifted.  A red light flooded into the room blinding me.  As my eyes adjusted I noticed it standing there, chain in hand.  I decided to try to escape again.  I let the thing walk further into the room, it left the door wide open.  I ran for it, slipping in the gunk.  I managed to make it all the way to the door when I felt it.  The chain was flung and wrapped around my neck.  I got pulled back in, and the door closed.  I was left in the dark again, trapped with the beast.  But it had other plans.  A giant hand grabbed my small head and squeezed tightly.  I yelled with all the air in my lungs, but that was to be my last breath.

I was surprised to find myself able to awake again.  There was something weird this time.  The room was empty and hot.  It was lit up with a red furious light.  I walked to the door and opened it with a loud creek.  My eyes widened as I saw what was beyond the door.  There was fire everywhere, people in chains being led by red monsters with bat-like wings.  It just had just registered what had happened.  I was dead, and in the fiery pits of Hell.

© 2013 dylanw27


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Featured Review

This has the potential to be a really good story but it needs tightening up. I felt that it would have had more impact if it had been a third person POV as it would have freed the writing up. Third person point of view gives you room to heighten tension as you gradually bring the focus in from the room to the character.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dylanw27

11 Years Ago

Thank you for the review.
Lavender Btooke

11 Years Ago

You're welcome, this is a story well worth working on. Keep up the good work!



Reviews

This has the potential to be a really good story but it needs tightening up. I felt that it would have had more impact if it had been a third person POV as it would have freed the writing up. Third person point of view gives you room to heighten tension as you gradually bring the focus in from the room to the character.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dylanw27

11 Years Ago

Thank you for the review.
Lavender Btooke

11 Years Ago

You're welcome, this is a story well worth working on. Keep up the good work!

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Added on November 16, 2013
Last Updated on November 16, 2013

Author

dylanw27
dylanw27

St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada



About
I am just an ordinary guy going to university and writing as much as I can. more..

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