Paradigm Shift

What you see on the outside,

May not always be what’s in the inside.

It may not always be deceitful or pretentious,

It may just be a paradigm shift.

 

She’s confident,

Calm, and ready

Amidst diversity.

A façade at its best.

 

He’s diffident

Despite the countless

Achievements and praises.

A clamor to be free.

 

Within the walls

Set by society,

They are as expected

But to themselves, empty.

 

One day, things changed.

She went out of her routine,

He drank from the same well she did,

And journey sprang forth.

 

To this day,

humanity condemns the union

Of the shrewd woman

And the ideal man.

 

How will we ever know

That what triggered things

Was simply due

To a paradigm shift?

Author's Note

I think this'll be my last work up till summer vacation ends. Wait, can anyone clarify what a paradigm shift is?

Content: Bat it out. Tell me what you think.

Technicals: In dire need of help, so bash it. :D

Reviews

[Simple_mee]

it was a pleasant read. Great choice of words I would say.
Me too, No good at suggestions, think have not reached that level where I can offer any advice on such poems which are already so lovely...

[harman kour]

i liked the poem... What would have forced the girl to change??? A paradigm shift...
I am not gud at technicals but was gud to read this one!!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

A paradigm? That's about 20 cents right? lol Sorry, that's an old philosophy joke from an old philosopher. Great poem.

[The Perfectionist]

It took me two read-throughs to find the technical problems, so that probably bodes well for you.

As I would expect from a poem that is very word-heavy, your problems mostly result in language overtaking form. Line 3 is too long considering its surroundings, for one thing. Also, here's a more general tip. In a poem like this, a line needs to hold up on its own. That is, don't start a phrase on one line and finish it on another, it just breaks up the flow. It works often, but not in this poem. You do it a couple of times, but the worst offender is the middle two lines of the third stanza.

Oh, one other technical. Line should say "he drank FROM the same well she did".

Other than that, it's a nice little example using a few simple metaphors and some high language (I seriously do think this is the first time I've seen the word paradigm used). A good one to go out for the summer on.

[Bette]

i am not good at technicals ill leave that up to the professionals.lol but i like the poem.