Not Knowing

This is out of depression. If you don't like it don't read it.

Keeping all the emotions for you locked up.
And the only reason is because I don't know how you feel.
I don't want to begin to understand why I like you in the first place.
Since you hide all of your problems anyway.
It is hard not knowing what is on your mind.
I think it was better when you told me things but,
Now you are keeping them from me.
I don't even care anymore because you don't trust me anyways.
It is still hard not knowing what is on your mind.
We were once connected.
Now we are torn apart by love of someone else.
The love we shared was really becoming on ones soul.
Still not knowing how you feel now is driving me crazy.
I think I have the right to know since we were once together.
It is still hard not knowing why you left me for her.
Sure she is pretty and you thought she was right for you.
I was right for you too though.
I have to now keep this all locked up inside.
I can't even show my emotions.
It hurts me so much to think you left because of her.
I don't want it to be hard on me anymore.
I still remember when we were together you would be gone all those times
Not knowing where you were hurt me.
You would come home around three and get in bed and sleep with me.
I would wake up to find you passed out on top of me.
Your breathe smelling of beer.
I then knew you were out drinking with the guys.
Sometimes when you came home I could smell perfume on you.
You would be smiling and ignoring me.
I figured out why.
Still not knowing what drove you away from me hurt.
You told me I was an angel sent to you.
What happened to that?
You still left me.
You know I couldn't handle the pain.
Then you came home not knowing where I was.
You were frantically looking for me.
When you finally saw me I was emerged under water.
I hadn't been under there that long.
I was trying to drown though.
When you held me you didn't know if I was going to survive.
That was when we were still together.
Three weeks after that incident you apologized to me.
You told me you wouldn't cheat.
I believed you not knowing that you were lying.
You were sleeping with someone else.
I found you in our bed.
You were kissing and I was standing at the door.
Silently I was crying.
You both looked up and I ran out.
You tried to chase me down.
Telling me it wasn't what I thought.
I couldn't believe you and I tried to die.
You tried to save me.
I didn't want to listen to you.
Then you got me to calm down.
I clung to you before I fell down.
You still left me not knowing that I would still drown.
This time it was in my own pain.
I loved that you thought I didn't know what was going on.
I could tell that you didn't want me anymore.
When we were sleeping together again you wouldn't even look me in the eyes.
I could tell you had her on your mind.
I got out of bed and you watched me.
You cried silently to yourself.
Then you wrote me that letter.
Not knowing that I wasn't going to read it.
I already knew what you had to say.
I kept it inside and I tried to cry.
I couldn't stop when I started.
Now it is really hard to keep my emotions coming out.
I think it is hard not knowing that you fell out of love.
You moved on and I should have too.
I don't know what was wrong with you.
I don't think knowing would have helped.
Not knowing you weren't there for me started to help.
I would have loved to see your face now.
I am happier.
It is hard on you not knowing you lost something great that was in your life.
I bet you feel bad about it now.
Oh well you should have loved me when you had the chance.
I still keep bottled up emotions inside.
Not knowing what to do.
So I just keep hiding them.

Author's Note

I don't know. Okay. Reviews please.

Reviews

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

i liked the first dozen or so lines and the last three. i think they were the strongest in this piece. however the middle, although good, could've been reduced to say the same amount in less words. that might make this poem all the more powerful. and when you said "emerged" i believe you meant "submerged." but other than that, this piece was great. there was something else i was going to say...oh yea. this poem read more like a monologue than a poem. just the way the sentences were structured and the length.

[Kat Plunkett]

this is really good.

[Manda]

awww... this was so sad but i really liked it. i could totally feel the emotion pour out of this piece as if it was really happening to me at the moment i read it.

[Luna Northstar]

Very emotional. It was so sad and depressing, but you made yourself sound strong, you did a very good job writing this!

[JenLyn]

Very emotional, keep it up! :)

[Levioshock]

I like it, this was very good

[Moth Phoenix]

SORRY FOR THE LATE REVEIW LOVE!!!
It was a great poem.
Amazing and long but great!!!

[Thomas Fleet]

I agree with the other reviews. Amazing poem and it's so emotional.
Depressive, but hold your head up high. :)
You're an astounding poet. Keep it up.

[Blue]

Amazingly long, but amazingly good! This is great.

[Khaotic Katastrophe]

this is amazing. the first part made me cry because it's so close to what i've been trying to say. this was long but totally worth reading! good write thanks for sharing