Secret Technology, Unrequited Love, Absolute Vengeance
© December 2022 - Written by David Wicker
Please do not reprint without permission
CHAPTER 18 - "THE TWINKIE-WEINER-SANDWICH"
Slice Of Life (12-20-22)
Christmas is just around the corner. As I have said for years this is really quite the strange holiday in that everyone gets gifts ... except for whose Birthday it really is ...
C O D I N G B U L L Y
Occasionally in life you will have one person follow you, dog your heels, cursing everything you do and talking down every project you've ever made and thoroughly confusing others by replying to messages out of context. Well I have such one, goes by the name of Freds, and he's really too old to be playing mind games like this, for over 5-years now, but I suppose it could be worse.
While he is indeed a bully and I'm certain he is aware of this, he is not bad to the point that he will get banned from the board he is on. And yes, this is regarding Pico-8.
So what all is happening here ?
I would like to say I'm eagerly working on new projects and can't wait to get them all out.
But no, it is the holidays. There is holiday depression, it obviously has hit me pretty hard myself, I sorely miss my Dad. I just cry thinking about it - and - I'm just going to do one more project in Pico-8 and then pull out of the Lexaloffle community - quite possibly for a very long time.
I'm not going to say WHAT the project is until it's finished yet I know it will be very well received and likely used on the daily by others once it is complete.
I will especially know it is a great project if Freds doesn't write a single word there, but just quietly shakes his head hoping I would've written worse code so he could slam me on it.
I know that sounds a bit paranoid yet you have to understand, this fellow, anytime he has written regarding a Pico-8 project I've done, has ALWAYS been negative - for five years now ! He really does have it out for me. And anytime he writes all the praise comments from everyone else just - STOP. He knows this and relishes in it.
Nonetheless despite these differences I have certainly written some projects that have definitely brought joy not just to myself but others.
And somehow he seems to forget to comment in these. Oh, but that's fine. How does that statement go ? That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger ?
I fully believe that. Without adversity there would be no strength, there would be no growth. We need conflict and opposing views to make us better people. To commit to our own ideas, to be stubborn and forcefully continue to work on something knowing it will be of good and use for others.
The greatest strength in my case, however, is my brain. I have used it so early and often to get myself out of the most sticky of situations earlier in my life. It has never failed me and I hope in the future it never will.
. . .
T H E S I N G I N G C H R I S T M A S T R E E
I did indeed go to the "Singing Christmas Tree" presentation and WOW was it sure pretty ! Laser lights, people climbing into this massive Christmas tree to sing in the choir, live band with hologram imagery on the walls, rock solid beautiful Christmas music, the works. What a great show !
If you haven't gone, you should. It's 100% free and the seating, at least for me, had to have been easily 400 people all the way around. The church we went to not far from where I live is HUGE. I mean big, really big.
To quote Douglas Adams:
"Big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts."
Whole lot of truth to that. And afterwards they even had a booth of audio CDs with the very music I just heard. I eagerly put out my credit card for a purchase. Afterwards we finally went home commenting on how great the whole thing was.
. . .
C H R I S T M A S M A R K E T
Now we did try to go to that Christmas Market in Germany thing they had downtown but it was $25 to park your car ! The event itself was free. Carlos was determined to find a free parking space somewhere around the building but I just shook my head.
I KNEW those jokers would not pass by a single penny of that $25 per vehicle and with no doubt in my mind they had covered all the entrances and exits for a full clover mile.
Hell I suspected even if we walked up finding a free space a mile away they would charge us $25 just to walk through the door, vehicle or not, even though the event was clearly listed as FREE. So - we had to give up on this and did not in fact go to it.
A shame as Käthe Wohlfahrt's exhibit there is the absolute best for beautiful German Christmas miniatures and decorations.
. . .
L I G H T S O F I N T E R L O C H E N
The other great Christmas event I went to was the Christmas lights on Interlochen in Arlington. Wow ! Whatta great sight ! It took us a few tries to get there.
All kinds of pretty lights and fortunately all detailed by police leading the traffic the correct way. Why is there so many great Christmas lights here ? Well most of the rich people live there and what money doesn't blow out their window gets nabbed and Christmas decorations are purchased with it. And boy the decorations they had !
They had one which was Frosty The Snowman but you could watch the show straight from his belly as it was being broadcast in there somehow. There were lots of animatronic figures, music, and ubetcha, stuff to buy !
Halfway through the drive were some teenage girls selling Cotton Candy, Hot Cocoa, and Popcorn, right off the curb. It came to about $8 and I gave them $10 to keep. That was fun to do. I took the cotton candy, gave the cocoa to Carlos who was driving and the popcorn to Katy who sat in the back.
. . .
F U T U R E C O D I N G
As stated I will be leaving Pico-8 until ZEP can do one of a few things. Either allow you to compile to APK or he gets that Picotron in working order. One of the two. Until then while I'll be writing games in that last Pico-8 project (not real programming for me), I'll go back to good old Blitz and write a few things I've been meaning to.
One of which of course is a very new and very modern version of Tilemaster, the tool I use to edit all my graphics.
The other - well you remember I said I was going to make one more project for Pico-8 ? Well this will be the penultimate project for Blitz, using a similar data method but taking full advantage of unlimited graphics and sound.
It will also use a new Truetype font library I have in mind that should work well no matter how you resize the screen. You remember I already wrote a robust frame system in EVE. Should keep me busy to integrate it all together.
. . .
Well with that let's return back to Dev and the not-so-to-be-trusted Dr. Seisbee in his following.
. . .
Seisbee spoke, "This way." And continued to lead the way down.
I followed after him in the brightly lit hallway looking all around. I shook my head in disgust. While I knew the Arkos Institute was no more this place I was traveling through looked very much like it. Would I need to go through the same murderous steps to be free of this place again ?
Caught up in my thoughts I was not even paying attention to where Seisbee was leading me. We entered an elevator and traveled down for - quite some time. I couldn't see it but I could feel it. We were underground and getting deeper with each level.
Finally we arrived. The floors were not marked with digits but symbols. The final one was like the division symbol except on its side.
"Here we are." He continued to lead the way. We passed by many doors. I glanced into one that was open and empty and it was a little padded cell for inmates.
We came across another and already I could see the small protective glass window allowing the doctor to peek in on the patients was scratched up.
Inside there was the sudden sound of movement and - something tearing.
Seisbee was not concerned. He spoke into a microphone for the room. "Nikki, I have a guest to see you."
Her voice was livid, frantic, and furious. "I don't want to see anybody ! I want out of this hell hole, right now !" She accented this with another ripping sound. I realized now she was using her claws to tear at the padded cell and likely had made stuffing out of them.
Seisbee smiled with an oily expression and explained, "Nikki. This is Dev. Dev is here to see you."
At once the ripping sound stopped and suddenly I saw Nikki's pretty green eyes peeking through the small protective glass, hope clearly shone in them.
"Dev ..." she said quietly, quite the different voice from the scary earlier one.
"Nikki." I replied in kind.
As we were grateful to see each other, Seisbee hit a button and the security door opened up. Inside it was quite shocking to see just as I predicted. There was a mass of white stuffing on the sides of the now no longer padded walls and only steel springs remained.
Despite the ferocity she exhibited earlier, she quietly stepped out of the room and gave me a big friendly hug.
"Oh, Dev ! I'm so glad to see you ! They've had me kept in this chicken-coop for too long ..."
After her warmth transferred to me making me feel all tingly inside, she pulled back to regard Seisbee with more than a murderous look.
Seisbee quickly reached into his pocket for a small silver box.
At once Nikki backed up slightly.
"Yes, you know what this is, don't you. You don't like being shocked, do you ?"
I confronted the doctor. "Hey ! What are you doing !?"
He only glanced to the right briefly at me before fixing his gaze back on Nikki. "Dev, you see how violent she is. We can't even put a strait-jacket on her because of her sharp claws."
He narrowed his eyes, "But she's got to sleep sometime."
He answered my question before I could, "And to answer your other question, yes, she's also immune to Tangerine. She's clearly not human so it doesn't affect her the way it does humans. In fact we haven't found any conventional means of calming her down yet - except for this !"
He motioned with the silver box, backing Nikki up even further.
I knew what that was. "A taser !?" I demanded.
He nodded, "If that's what it takes to keep her docile. Then that is precisely what we will use while she stays here."
Still keeping Nikki in sight he guided her to another of the padded cells. He motioned her inside. And the look on her face was like a trapped animal ready to kill !
He spoke evenly, "Behave, Nikki. And I'll bring you some lunch. Perhaps a few dead mice ?" And he laughed thinking about it.
He then quickly jerked his hand forward to punch a wide button that quickly closed the door.
Quicker than I knew how I suddenly saw myself snatch the taser from Seisbee and now I had it pointed to him.
He sighed, "Oh, Dev. That is so disappointing. I thought you liked me. I thought we were friends."
I shook my head. "I - don't really even know you."
He reached his hand out for the taser giving a deep sigh. I reluctantly gave it back to him. He chuckled and put it back in his pocket.
"You see there ? You can make the right decision when you think about it. Come on, let's get some lunch. I will have many questions for you afterwards."
"What about Nikki ? You weren't really going to feed her dead mice, were you ?"
He looked back at me with a grin most uncomfortable to see. "What. Mice ? Nono, of course not. She'll be offered a choice of the same meal we have. Someone will be with her shortly to - ah - feed her."
We re-entered the elevator. Seisbee hummed to himself as we started to travel up to a different floor.
Finally we arrived and it was indeed a nice cafeteria.
We left the elevator to stand at the entrance. He clasped his hands together, "So, Dev. What would you like to eat ?"
* * *
I thought for a moment. "How about a Twinkie-Weiner-Sandwich ?"
He tilted his head quizzically. "Sounds - different. Let's see if that can be done."
We sat down at one table and at once a server came to us. "What would you like, hun ?" she asked me first.
I repeated the request. She, like Seisbee, tilted her head in thought a moment. She then pulled out a small digital notepad computer and using the keypad below quickly texted the item.
A cheerful ding sounded stating that it was possible.
"That's fine. What else ?"
"I'd like two of those, please."
She nodded. Tapped the "2" button below and it was registered double.
"Anything to drink ?"
"Coffee, please."
Siesbee interrupted, "He'll have an Orange Sprite."
She got it down. "And you ?" pointing to Seisbee.
"I'll just have a corner-cut cumber sandwich with the crust removed and a glass of water, please."
She nodded, "Okay, coming right up." and quickly walked away.
Seisbee explained, "Dev. You can't have any caffeine while you're here. Now if you want some decaffeinated coffee, we can do that, but no caffeine otherwise. It will interfere with our tests."
"You have more ?" I asked. "When do I get out of here ? When do I go HOME ?"
He leaned forward and I could smell Irish Spring from his armpits. Gack. "I suppose you were expecting me to say that you ARE home. But no, I'm not going to do that."
He looked away in thought for a moment. "We'll have lunch, Nikki, you, and me. A few more questions and we'll run some more tests. If your answers seem correct and we are successful in extraction then we will release both of you. I imagine your parents are quite worried about you at this point."
I nodded looking down in my lap, "Yeah, I bet they are."
He put a hand on my shoulder now, "So do we have a deal, boy ? You don't give me any trouble. Allow our team to extract this 'sickness' within you - then you and your cat girl go free none the worse for wear and tear. Deal ?"
"Deal." I stated feeling better by the minute.
"Thattaboy." he said and clapped his hand on my back.
No sooner did he do so and my food arrived. And the Twinkie-Weiner-Sandwich for all the glorious name it had was naught but a classic Twinkie placed upside-down, cut across the top, a fresh boiled hot-dog was put in the cut there and a layer of Cheez Whizz sprayed and shot across the top both for decoration and flavor.
"Ugh." Seisbee said looking at the monstrosity. "How can you eat that ?" he asked in all earnestness.
"Like this." I said and picked up the Twinkie biting right down the side of it so the cake, white filling, hot dog, and Cheez Whizz all entered my mouth giving a unique and sensational taste.
He looked reproachfully at me and taking a fork went at his two cucumber sandwiches picking out each of the cucumber slices to eat individually.
I looked at him. "Gee, doc. It'll take you forever to eat them that way."
"A little known fact." he told me. "The slower you eat, the LESS you eat, and the more full you will feel."
He continued, "For example. Take this fork. Sure you can just shovel the food in. But to make your food last just take it, lift it up, put whatever you want on it, a small portion. Have that. Don't just swallow it but eat it, enjoy it. Then set your fork down, have a drink or open up a conversation. Then pick your fork up again."
"At no point should you ever just hold on to your fork like a hungry savage. Always pick it up and put it back on the table again. I have done this particular method for years and it has kept me in great shape as you can see."
Well sure enough he was skinny. I had a little bit of a belly to myself if the truth be known but that could be cause I WOULD eat things like a Twinkie-Weiner-Sandwich let alone 2 of them for lunch ! Likely loaded with calories, carbohydrates, and sugar.
Despite this we talked quietly of other patients he had, most of which had the 'sickness' as he called it - where they had superhuman abilities. I wasn't really listening when he suddenly said, "Skunk." and then my ears focused hard to hear what he was saying !
"Skunk !?" I asked eagerly. "Skunk, that's a girl with a skunk's tail, right ?"
"Yes." Seisbee said, skewering his last cucumber slice. "We're not sure what to do with her."
I leaned forward hoping he would agree. "She can go with us. I KNOW her ! She knows me. You can check on that if you like."
"Really ?" he asked. "Well that is puzzling. Small world after all. I will check. If she does know you then - we'll also release her to your custody. We are - ah - not too eager to extract her - problem - and really just didn't know what to do with her."
I finished with my last bite and drank down the Orange Sprite.
Seisbee took a napkin from the metal dispenser on the table and dabbed himself. "I think we're done with lunch. It's time for the questions. Shall we go ?"
END OF CHAPTER 18
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