DW-04 "Reasons Of Rhesus"
A Chapter by dw817
 I'm going to digress a little here.
Kari for instance asked if she could have some of that "brain" juice Dad gave me years ago which I believe attributes strongly to my current intelligence today. 
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D A T I N G W Y O N A
© November
2020
- Written by David
Wicker
Please do
not reprint without permission
 CHAPTER 4 -
"Reasons Of Rhesus"
I'm going digress a little here. Perhaps a bit more than I have been in these chapters. Kari for instance asked if she could have some of that "brain" juice Dad gave me years ago which I believe attributes strongly to my current intelligence today.
You know ... I've never really given much thought to what that wonderdrug actually was; its ingredients.
I'm not getting any younger. I suppose this story is overdue. The hell with it. Let's do this ...
Now with what I know about chemistry today, I would have to say that the lime green medicine Dad gave me as an adolescent for 2-weeks straight, once every of the 14 days had to have a basis of Methamphetamines in it. But not at the level where you BAM you're there and you're high and crash and stuff.
No, coming from where my Dad worked this had to be some kind of slow-release long-term effect for primates - and one of the benefits of Methamphetamines that is recorded in science today is temporarily increasing intelligence and giving you sharper thinking. Once again, temporarily only.
I remember when Dad tested my IQ at the age of 16 and it came out at 168, he was so incredibly pleased and proud of me for this.
Despite the seemingly positive benefits there were consequences which I'll explain now. While I was finally doing well in school, I think it affected my physiology, mentality, and emotional stability, also inflicting me with slight Anageria and I started to hallucinate and hear things all the time.
For one thing I knew there was no way I was born with this intelligence. That something inside of me, and it wasn't me at all, was the one that was so damned smart - but I knew for a fact it wasn't the actual me.
I remember that kind of weird floaty feeling that someone else was sending my brain messages and the only actual control I had was over my emotions - which were a bit of a wreck in truth.
And then there were the hallucinations. They have been so strong that I've been in and out of mental hospitals, suicidal, foaming at the mouth with wild tales of seeing things no-one else could see if you will. I remember what I saw and - it was beautiful and horrible both at the same time. Some of which I have written about online already.
That would actually be some of the side-effects of long-term Methamphetamines I believe. And since this was slow-release and designed in such a way to "stick" with you, it's been with me all my life and I've never been able to shake it despite my age.
Fortunately today I am on one of the strongest anti-psychotics on the market today but I require it every day JUST be be "normal."
If I miss one day of medication, just one single pill, the blurry demons, they come to tear me apart at night, body and soul ! I never miss a pill now and I have an emergency stash if for whatever reason I am denied or there is a problem getting refills.
And this medication I take while it does indeed remove the hallucinations it additionally shoots down the genius, much like an animal tranquilizer.
* * *
Now I still work on code and program and write chapters and stories and articles and stuff today, but that very razor sharp edge I used to have, the level of genius where everything was a flowing white vibrant river - it's gone forever now only to be replaced by periods of unthought and mental exhaustion.
As for my Dad, I don't blame him in the least. I know I was born with a learning disability. I remember as a child not understanding really anything at all.
And I don't think he wanted to face that fact - so instead of accepting it as most parents might, he changed the rules of life and took home from work what likely was an experimental medication that was supposed to only be used for the research monkeys.
So any remote bits of intelligence you see from me today, my writing or programming in whatever capacity - is because of that medicine I took those many years ago.
And no I wouldn't wish this on anyone else. And yet - I wonder how my life might've been had my Father just accepted me as I was - dim. Nonetheless I fully believe I have the better deal today instead of being placed in a halfway house or a permanent resident of a mental housing facility.
As for one of the side-effects, the Anageria, when a beard and mustache finally started to form on my face I nurtured it, kept it, never trimmed it. And let it stay. Because if I shaved today I would look no older than 25 and for my age nearly twice that now I have always run into problems from the past with me looking younger.
Some of these items I am aware of today. Very slow puberty, emotional retardation, very little body hair all over, smooth skin with no wrinkles - even today. Change in voice's pitch.
I remember back in High School students verbally accused me of shaving my arms and legs like a girl.
NO ! I just didn't have any hair anywhere except on my head. It was really noticeable to others when I showered after gym. All from that wonderdrug that many years ago.
My appearance and quiet feminine voice back in school caused bullies to have a real interest in me between classes. Even as a teenager I received considerable unwanted advances from total strangers both straight and gay.
So today, I AM THE AGE I AM ! And that's all I can be ...
I'm sorry, I get a little emotional. Hell Chris says I'm emotional all the time. I doubt that - but I understand what he's saying.
Not everyone is born a genius, but there are a great many people who ARE born with learning disabilities. My Father - Dad - just could not accept that ...
Okay despite going off on left foot this chapter is still instrumental. The attention from bullies I got years ago almost always wound up with my head in the toilet but I think that was more a way to suppress me as they had their hands on me feeling me up while they did so.
This, too, I believe has a bearing on my sexual development and how I did not just go marry a woman, have kids, blzzzz, and live happily every after. Instead feeling how good it was for bullies to caress my head and hair despite it being a clear violation of my personal space and privacy.
In time - I permitted their advances. And I think they knew that. I think that's why I never got hurt. Not a single bully punched me or did anything to physically hurt me. Yet after lunch they would find still find me and drag me into the boys' restroom.
And as much as they manhandled me I have to believe this is not normal behavior for bullies. That usually bullies will physically hurt you and not spend a great deal of time gang-groping you all over and trying to take your clothes off while your head is in the toilet.
And once again I must blame the Anageria for this, a side-effect of the green Rhesus medicine.
So,
Kari, no, I don't think you want to have this wonderdrug for your kids.
Just bring them up in a loving and caring environment as well as you
can.
This next chapter will continue with Mark and me, back at camp, having a nice lunch - and how that one time of him seeing me standing in the doorway as I was earlier - how that affected HIM and does change his own and personal moral compass later.
Until then ...
END
OF CHAPTER 4
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© 2020 dw817
Featured Review
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Thanky!
Wow, it's good to know the details behind that. It's quite different from what I imagined. Still, I think I would do the same in your dad's position, knowing the consequences. It's not a risk I'd take if my son was of normal or average intelligence, but under the circumstances, yes. Thankfully, my son is looking good so far. They found one of these on the second trimester ultrasound:
https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/faq-choroid-plexus-cysts#:~:text=In%20about%201%20to%202,not%20considered%20a%20brain%20abnormality.
But it looks like it's gone now. I had an NIPT that that came back looking good, but it's not 100% foolproof:
https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/testing/nipt/
I could do a more invasive test, but the ultrasound doctor said there were "no other signs of trisomy 18" and being over 30, I decided not to risk a miscarriage because my husband and I really want a baby, and it took us almost two years of trying to conceive. Basically, he's looking healthy, so I'm not going to let one little thing scare me.
The man my character Marc is based on also has no body hair. It was confusing and delightful at the same time when I first felt his naked body against mine. I can't quite express that in the story because it happens after Joan has been dating Marc for some time, but wow! I want to feel that again someday, after the pandemic.
I think that the desire to manhandle and the enjoyment of being manhandled is somehow integrated into our DNA. While males are usually the dominant ones, everyone has an X chromosome, and I like to imagine that a Y chromosome is actually an X chromosome that broke somewhere in the distant past of animal evolution. Where was I going with this again . . . yeah. I was going to say that I've never been sexually bullied in that way, yet I enjoy tentacle porn, rape porn, and rape play - as long as we establish the rules beforehand. Modern feminists cry that society teaches men to rape and that we need to teach men to not rape, but this is a flat-out denial of our evolutionary heritage. Many successful breedings were achieved through rape, and this is why it's an instinct ingrained in our species. While I can see that actual rape is not pleasant or enjoyable for most women, ignoring and suppressing the urge won't solve anything. First, we need to acknowledge that it's OK to have those urges. Second, we need to find consensual outlets for those urges. This is a huge reason why we need to legalize prostitution and why I write about it. If it were legal, and I had legal protections against clients who broke my boundaries, I would absolutely be earning a living that way right now. Hold me down, wrestle with me until my strength gives out, bring a buddy to help hold me down if I'm stronger than you, and f**k me hard! But ffs, wear a condom. If you don't wear a condom, I sue you for every last penny. That's the kind of world I want to live in.
We have urges for ice cream, we buy ice cream. We get diabetes, we buy more expensive ice cream or learn how to make it ourselves, substituting erythritol for the sugar. We have urges for sex, we buy sex, and we get to pick the flavor. Doing it without a condom costs extra, and it's not available at all locations. We get HIV, we either buy more expensive sex or start going to a prostitute who already has HIV and an IUD. Since buying and selling sex is illegal, the economy is crippled in when it comes to the sex industry. Prostitutes have to hide behind the veil of "escort" and can't openly discuss what services we are willing to provide. I say “we” because I hid behind the veil of “escort,” but that’s a story for another time.
As virtual sex technology improves, we may alleviate some of the crime from unfulfilled urges, but why wait when we could do that now?
Oh, I was going to go back to my theory on why I enjoy rape porn/rape play. Female animals are wired to seek the strongest mates in order to ensure the strongest offspring. Some species wind up like peacocks. Some wind up doing elaborate songs and dances. Human females have evolved to enjoy a variety of methods, and one of those methods is pure, direct physical domination. Thus, I’m not ashamed that it’s one of my kinks.
Anyway, circling back to the XY chromosome thing . . . I think that males are more likely to be the aggressors during sex rather than the submissive ones, but since I believe a Y chromosome is a broken X chromosome, there must be some crossing over between them:
http://www.phschool.com/science/biology_place/labbench/lab3/crossovr.html
And this is how you wind up with a female dominatrix or a male submissive.
……………………
Thanks! Yeah, as I said, I wouldn’t rely on a wonder drug for my children’s intelligence as long as they’re somewhere in the normal range or higher. Having a smart kid is important to me, though. I’m doing what’s in my power, such as eating healthy and exercising after every meal to control my gestational diabetes. I’m also avoiding people as much as possible during the pandemic, and with the recent spike in cases, I finally signed up for Instacart. My husband went out grocery shopping without me a few days before, but he couldn’t find a few things, so I ordered two pounds of fresh spinach, two pounds of frozen collard greens, two eggplants, and the eggs that I forgot to put on the shopping list in the first place. Anyway, I’m making palak/saag (different words for spinach depending on what part of India you are from) paneer tomorrow. It’s my favorite Indian dish, but Husband doesn’t like it, so I’ll make him some pulled pork in the slow cooker while I make my food on the stove, and then I’ll have lots of leftovers. Yummy!!!!!!
Posted 4 Years Ago
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4 Years Ago
Quite a bit here ! Reading all of it ...
Right, no I definitely remember being dim. I.. read moreQuite a bit here ! Reading all of it ...
Right, no I definitely remember being dim. It was not a comfortable feeling. Someone would say something and - you had no idea what they were saying. You would say something - and no-one understood you. It was really bad.
Trying out your link. You know I'm surprised we're not at the level now where you can force birth of children to be the very best in every possible way through genetic manipulation. Genius IQ, strong as an ox, and you could even program their interests their interests when they arrive. Mathematics, Biology, Science, etc.
Reading about NIPT ... Wow I don't think Dad had any access to this stuff. I guess have to ask, if this test came up positive, what could you do to remedy it ?
As for being manhandled. It's kind of strange. You know how you can grip a cat by the scruff of their neck to pick them up and they freeze up and might even start to purr. This is because it's the exact spot where their Mommy picks them up to move them someplace. They are familiar with the grip and they know they are safe when they are held this way.
I think the same was (still is) true with me. If you caress or even brush my hair, tendrils of pleasure literally shoot out down my spine from the feeling. But it doesn't work if I do it. Rose my G/F learned this years ago and every time she sees me, her fingers are automatically in my long wavy hair which I don't ever cut anymore.
So the bullies knew this. That was my "grip" as related to the cat. While I didn't purr I also didn't fight them - in any capacity. It originated I think from 3rd grade with girls who also swirled me. Yet I remember one girl who constantly wanted to touch my hair and I think - I think I reacted to this, in a way that let her know as long as she was holding my hand or stroking my hair I would go anywhere with her and do anything she told me to.
In this I'm uncertain as to agreeing if being manhandled is something we all want; that it is part of our DNA. I think it is more - at least with me - the lesser of two evils. I would rather be manhandled by guys or girls as the case was rather than be physically hurt. And - that was the punishment - to be physically hurt if I did not do absolutely everything they told me to.
I've always believed my Chromosomes were messed up. I asked Chris once if I was gay and he replied, "No, you're just confused." I asked Rose one time if I were straight and she replied the same, "You're just confused honey, it happens." So - yeah, I guess I'm just a big mess of confusion, however you want to word it. :)
Rape at least as I am understanding it from a psychological viewpoint is not so much the aggressor wanting sex as they want to be in control - or at least FEEL they are in control. There is a classic song called called, "Sweet Dreams Are made of this."
The lyrics of note especially are:
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.
https://youtu.be/qeMFqkcPYcg
Hmm ... At some point I need to make a post that points out the most influential songs I have ever heard in my lifetime - that I believe in some way shaped the person I am today.
So, yes. I think it was Japan that allowed pre-teens to buy any media or pornography they wanted. The belief of the government was that not being denied it, they can "get it out of their system" without acting out violently in society.
I feel the same way. I have - appetites of my own - strange, lurid, sometimes stygian. And yet today I feel had I grown without the influence of bullies and people who sought to manipulate me, that I might've turned out normal. No such luck. :)
As for legalizing prostitution. Hmm ... You know I've never been with a prostitute, never been arrested or put in jail, never shot up heroin. I'm not saying I wish I could - because I believe society has taught us this is a negative thing - and yet I fully believe that which does not kill you can only make you stronger.
If prostitution were legalized - I would think there would be some variables to consider. The least of which is cleanliness. There are a great many prostitutes out in the world today that have a whole host of venereal and sexually related diseases and I think that would be a strong negative about prostitution being legalized.
If it were clinical, sterile, sanitary, and pure - then yes I could definitely see prostitution as being a very valid thing for the government to get its grips into. But both ways. Just as there would be prostitutes and mistresses so too could there be gigolos.
And yet in this I am reminded of the movie, "A.I." by Steven Spielberg and especially, "Gigolo Joe" the robot who said to his client:
"Are you afraid of seeing the stars ?"
"I can show you how to reach them."
"Patricia ..."
"Once you've had a lover-robot -"
"You'll never want a real man again."
"You are a goddess, Patricia."
"You wind me up inside."
"But you deserve much better in your life."
"You deserve - me."
(( he kisses her ))
I think society has taught us that "sex for sale" is always dirty, it is something to be avoided, to be shunned. As if it is a cancer on society, a very wound in the fabric of humanity. But I think in time, beyond my time, that it could be something that is a driving force for GOOD. Much like a drug with zero side-effects, sex albeit prostitution could be used as a way to reward society for a job well done. I don't know ... I'm just shooting in the dark here, Kari.
Once again having never been with a prostitute nor given it any serious thought, I suspect my views may be skewed from those who have. I have always admired the complete translucence of computers. Unlike the human equation which can definitely go off a kilter for a total meltdown I think if I were given a choice of prostitutes, one human, and one a robot, I would probably choose the robot - understand the visuals and aesthetics were all in perfect place.
Because what life has shown me thus far is people hurt me. If they're not hurting me, they're using me, if they're not using me, they are - as Gigolo Joe said, "Winding me up." and sometimes - I don't know for what - until later.
Life to me has always been a series of balances. In many cases any kindness shown to me in real life I =TRY= to reward, and sometimes it's just inappropriate. Like for instance Chris takes me out for lunch. I in turn buy something that he has expressed an interest in, maybe it's more expensive, maybe it's less. But it's my way of showing appreciation for that person whomever they may be.
My sister for instance for Christmas said, "Oh you don't need to buy me anything." Now when she first started this it rather angered me because it showed me there was no way I could get something for her with the direct understanding that she had already stated she didn't want anything.
And it's not just moot words she is saying she is quite serious about it. I remember buying a gift-card for my Step-Mom years ago and she went ballistic on me saying, "You can't afford this ! What are you doing ! Save your money."
Well today ? I treated Chris for Lunch because he managed to get a comic-book reader installed on my cellphone. I then promptly transferred from my computer hard-drive 493 Star Trek comic books. We went out shopping. I found this silly kid's book with toys in it designed I guess for 8-year olds but it had some really neat action figures attached to it I wanted to put on my shelf. So I bought it and will give the remainder - the playset and book to Kay and her children.
I also saw some "painting" books for Carlos. Beautiful paintings exactly like you see in a museum but 100 per book. I bought all 3 so there are 300 unique paintings he can look at and read stories about their origin. Good stuff for Christmas.
I also saw some Mixie-Q's 2 for $2 so got 4 total. What I'm getting at is I believe it's possible to go through life without being with a prostitute, without being arrested, without being put in jail, and without shooting up heroin. I think the internet has us so wired today they would have us believe that honest real warm human beings are nothing compared to the world they can show us in what you can hear with your ears and see with your eyes in video and original, skewed, and quite possibly, kinky art and stories by storywriters.
Prostitution in itself may very well be dying out in the massive face of highly diversified internet porn.
I was very close to my Dad. He passed away and - now I just sort of drift. I've always been the dependent sort of person. Not necessarily reflecting that I am reliable which is a synonym, no I am dependent, that means I depend on others to point out what we're doing for the day, what I need to do to make it happen, and where it is we are going.
Chris my best friend has been very good at this. Without direction he will definitely pick one for me. Back in school instead of fighting bullies I yielded to whatever they wanted. Back in camp it was the same. I have never been independent in my life and perhaps that could be because of my parents not wanting to let me go - and me not wanting to let go of them.
I agree with you in that I believe legalizing prostitution may actually be a very good thing. So it not done in the shadows, not specifically a nighttime activity, nor EVER require a pimp. Instead a legal and very organized government organization could head up prostitution for the greatest financial gain to the women involved as well as the government getting its legal cut for maintaining hygiene and sterility in this.
I neve used a condom of course since I never had intercourse - and maybe I should flip that around. I have never GIVEN intercourse but have received it back in Middle School. One time. And the principal and teachers were all over it and apologizing profusely to me that such a shocking thing could happen and why the HELL didn't I run away from it.
HIV and IUD and what have you. That could be karma right there. If you're going to risk that, you may deserve it. I've fully believed that heaven is nothing of the story our churches teach us. That it is in fact hell if the person so desires and chooses this. There is heaven, yes, but can we truly say every red-blooded American has the exact same idea of what they would consider paradise ? I don't think so ...
I agree with that the norm is for females to seek the strongest men yet there is the reverse. What I had. Where I was the weakest man and the strongest woman sought me out - and did. And we're still together today.
As for XY chromosomes I'm pretty sure my chromosomes did a backflip and somersault to become completely corrupted. It is possible that medication Dad gave me may have had strong and permanent binding female estrogen in it as well as part of the process in expanding your mind and consciousness for learning.
I have always fully believed women have a stronger sense of organization and meticulous detail compared to most men. And it is this attention to scrutiny that makes them such great persons as seamstresses, artists, sculptors, cooks, and yes, computer programmers.
Your XY chromosomes at work.
Reading more of what you wrote ... I have always been very fond of spinach, even as a child and spinach souffle, cream of spinach, spinach salad, even just raw spinach out of the can, to me has a taste unlike anything else. Naturally I am also quite fond of kelp, seaweed, and anything else that has a leafy and very green taste to it like collard greens and mustard greens.
Palak Paneer is the very dish I get at the Indian Restaurant me and Chris to go, "The Maharajah." And it is simply scrumptious, your husband is completely missing out. :) You might let him try Chicken Tikka Masala sometime though, as that is a very spicy and meaty dish if he is not fond of vegetables.
Hmm ! All this talk of food - I think I'll start dinner a little early here.
Once again, very good to hear from you, Kari. You have quite the ideas - and a good number of them distinctly workable and possible. Not all pipe dreams.
Just save those days for me ... :)
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4 Years Ago
If the test came up positive, or rather high likelihood since the NIPT collects bits of DNA and not .. read moreIf the test came up positive, or rather high likelihood since the NIPT collects bits of DNA and not a complete set, my next step would be a more invasive test to confirm the results. At our current level of technology, there is no way to fix any type of trisomy, so we'd get an abortion, even for trisomy 21 a.k.a down syndrome. This is one of the things my husband and I discussed before we got married. Our mom are both Catholic and wouldn't be happy if we got an abortion, so we also agreed to keep the pregnancy quiet for the first trimester. My husband's brother's wife had a miscarriage during her first trimester, so we had a convenient excuse on why we didn't want to reveal it until later, because miscarriages are less likely after the first trimester.
Very interesting! Well, one way or another, I say only you get to decide what your sexuality is.
Haha! I was actually considering sharing the "Sweet Dreams" song but got exhausted from typing somewhere along the way, so it didn't make it in.
Indeed, I agree that prostitutes should be regularly tested. However, having a disease should not be the end of a prostitute's career. It should simply be something the prostitute is required to disclose, and the clients can then make their own choices. I'm also in favor of requiring the clients to get tested, if a prostitute is negative and wants that information. This is why I include rapid HIV testing in my story.
Back when we were just friends with benefits, my husband visited a brothel and told me the story. It was too expensive for him to go again, but he enjoyed the experience a lot. Shortly after he moved in with me, I think it was before I even started calling him my boyfriend, we went to a joint talk by some sex workers and sex work researchers at a book festival and got a signed copy of this: https://www.amazon.com/Alice-Memoirs-Barbary-Coast-Prostitute/dp/1597143618
That triggered a lot of discussion between us, and ultimately it's part of what inspired "Kaiba's Prostitute." My husband is my beta reader for that story, and just thinking about that makes me all warm and fuzzy. I'm watching him take a nap right now and grinning all lovestruck as I type this. The thing is that I never felt comfortable enough to share my writing with my ex-boyfriend, so being this close with my husband is something I truly treasure.
Yes, and if prostitution is legal, it still doesn't mean everyone needs to do it. Just like skydiving, some people won't want to take the risk or spend the money, and that's just fine. Some people don't even want to drink alcohol for various reasons. Personally, that's how I feel about driving a car. I see it as morally abhorrent to add more greenhouse gasses to the atmosphere with a private motorized vehicle. Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean I have to do it.
If my husband didn't drive, I'd be bicycling to the hospital for all my prenatal appointments and calling an ambulance for labor. What? I need a car seat to take my baby home? No car. We're taking the bus home, bye!
Unfortunately, the pandemic has made public transportation too risky for me right now. Still, I believe that private motorized transportation should be a thing only allowed under special circumstances. Also, emergency vehicles should not cost this much:
https://youtu.be/aEVI6vaONbw
Even so, an ambulance ride is less than the cost of car ownership:
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/cost-car-ownership.asp#:~:text=In%20its%202018%20Your%20Driving,for%20a%20variety%20of%20vehicles.&text=According%20to%20AAA%2C%20the%20average,for%20the%20privilege%20of%20driving.
Thanky! Yes, I will
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4 Years Ago
More to read, I want to catch every word here.
Hmm ... Abortion. I think someone word.. read moreMore to read, I want to catch every word here.
Hmm ... Abortion. I think someone worded it well when they said, "God told us to be fruitful and multiply, not breed like maggots." Might've even been Harlon Ellison bless his black heart. :)
Still ... Life is life. I know in Blake's 7 for the episode of "Weapon" the clone of Roj Blake said, "All life is linked." These are strong words. Years ago I saw an unusual documentation video - where someone was doing research with water, just water, and found that if you surrounded a beaker of water with hateful Chinese words the water's composition itself changed at a molecular level.
Alternatively if you surrounded the water with Chinese words of love and compassion - the water also changed.
I know that sounds too fantastic to be true - but I believe all life, as Blake has said, is linked. While I can neither condemn nor condone abortions not being a woman myself and fully understanding the emotions and mechanics behind birth, I still sometimes wonder if there is a better way than this ...
As for deciding on sexuality, I'm opposed to the belief that it is solely up to the person. I think a good deal of the way you are brought up (or lack thereof) from outside influences and information. Additionally if you are a submissive person, a domate, both in mentality and disposition, then outside influence and suggestion are even stronger to decide your sexuality. Especially by those who are strong-willed, dominant, used to being obeyed, and demanding their thoughts to supercede others.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=domate
This is the relationship I have with Chris today where I am the domate. Yes, I am in the green or I certainly was that bubbly when I was a teenager with him. :)
Regarding testing prostitutes. Well now I mean if we have a sterile and clinical environment regarding this prostitution, then diseases really SHOULD be the end of their career - at least until they are cured and fit for duty again. The last thing we want to do on Earth is spread disease despite people thinking gaining a disease is worth the pleasure.
I remember reading a Heavy Metal magazine years ago. It was showing the future. There was a man with a long trenchcoat going around saying that he had mated with a Xylurian 7 and had gotten a disease from her and trying to find a cure.
To a doctor he opened his raincoat to reveal his naked form but completely twisted in every possible way even going so far as to have a makeshift human eyeball coming right out of his peter.
Now I'm not saying human sexual diseases are as bad as this, but they should not be considered lightly either.
In contrast with "Alice's Memoirs" I must state once again this is something alien to me, to pay for sex, so I'm not entirely sure how to respond to it. Now I do remember one bully that I did blow job years ago. My understanding was that he would return my keys (which he stole) and said he would leave me alone for the rest of the day.
I thought that was a fair exchange so I agreed. However he really liked it, better than his G/F he told me - and the fact I swallowed which to be fair I really had nowhere to put it without making a mess.
But he enjoyed and relished what I did so much he was willing to pay me $20 a day every day at school, Monday through Friday, to have it happen on the daily. That would be an extra $100 in my pocket if I agreed.
But I chose not to. Not because it was difficult or really even very demeaning as I had some pretty low settings on my self-esteem as it was. No I was concerned he would tell all his friends about and THEN I might be faced with a whole team of high schoolers expecting the same personal privilege.
So I said no, not ever again. Unfortunately at the beach he was sitting on one of those porta-potties and I was kneeling in front of him having finished what he wanted. Seeing I was not going to be "reasonable" about this, he quickly leaned forward to grab my shorts and shoved me all the way inside, where in my falling in I sprained my ankle and couldn't stand. Nonetheless he seemed somewhat sympathetic and said he'd help me out by evening.
I thought originally about asking for help when the first patrons arrived but realized that could get the police involved, so I just quietly sat there in silence.
Hours later I was there witnessing I guess what could be described as the absolute worst and filth of humanity, like being mooned with consequences from every beach goer there, guys and girls. Finally as promised about 6-hours later he did return to help me out. He wrapped me in a full-length body towel that really smelled of motor oil and by then my ankle was feeling better.
He did let me lean on him as we worked our way to the shower facilities on the beach. It was so late at night no-one was else was using them so I went in, turned on the water and bathed as well as I could to get the mess off, then went home to bathe more hours scrubbing hard until the stink was gone. Tyler was nowhere in sight and likely went home the moment I had arrived at the showers.
And when I think about what he did - he got what he wanted. Which was to completely smother my self-esteem in waves of teenagers as I was trapped and silent down there contemplating my misery.
Later I met him back at school and realized rather quickly he was getting to the point of wanting to seriously injure me if I didn't give him what he wanted back at the beach. So I quietly agreed but to do it only on Tuesdays. So every Tuesday I got an additional $20 for what to me was just 4- or less minutes of easy work in the boys bathroom stall. And I did put that money to use. I bought up every single Dungeons & Dragons pick-your-own-path books from the local comic book shop. I still have the entire set in boxes downstairs to remind me of my perfidious behavior that I definitely kept secret from Dad.
So on the lines of prostitution, did that make me a prostitute ? That was something I did ask myself years later - finally agreeing, no, I wasn't. I didn't do it with everyone, I only did it with Tyler. And he chose the payment - not me.
I'm blessed he did not have a disease or anything and I hate to admit it in time it was quite a natural thing to do which he apparently never grew tired of. And it didn't bother me at all especially since he kept himself clean.
Anyways, this is not a very proud moment - my dealings with Tyler. Moving on ...
Sharing your deepest thoughts is something I do with Rose, my G/F. We met when I was 18-years old, leaving Wayne behind at that time, and, she was definitely pegging me as a domate. Being quite the dominant one in the relationship it was her that introduced me to S&M and B&D. Those years ago.
I agree with you about cars. I see a future I may not survive where all cars are driven by computer, and perhaps no faster than 30mph. They are all interlinked to each other and no accidents are even remotely possibly. Because of the "slowness" of these vehicles though timetables would need to be changed to accommodate the more leisurely ride.
And yes, ambulances are expensive - or at least they have been to people I've known. Strangely every time I was taken away by an ambulance myself there was absolutely no cost, even when I was living on my own and my address was the only one I gave them. No cost to even see doctors. I never did figure that one out.
Tomorrow I'll write-up about Mark and me and also an unfortunate incident having to do with zealous and curious girls my age which as you remember is 11. Until then.
I definitely do appreciate your comments here, Kari, in many ways it is good to think about many things from the past ...
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4 Years Ago
My husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for .. read moreMy husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for very long to term. They brought it home and spent a precious week (or however long) with it and then grieved when it died. While such stories are meant to inspire women with the strength to do that themselves, I really don’t see the point in embarking on something like that already knowing the outcome. If the parents have boatloads of money to spend on keeping it alive and plenty of maternity leave for grieving, that’s their choice, but I think that time and money would be better spent on other things.
There’s an old Girl Scout song that goes: “I stuck my head in a little skunk’s hole and the little skunk said to me: take it out take it out take it out take it out remooooove it! *spray sound* I remoooooved it! Too late!” Anyway, I was going to sing the “take it out” part of that song right then and there in front of the doctor if they told me that anything was seriously wrong with my fetus.
Anyway, if you read my story, you’ll see Joan occasionally bursting into song. That’s a real-life quirk of mine.
Human sexual diseases shouldn’t be taken lightly, but the ability to openly talk about something doesn’t mean we’re taking it lightly. I remember when my dead boyfriend was alive and his wife had some friends over to the house doing what they called a “stitch n’ b***h” where they knitted and drank and gossiped. It wasn’t the bad kind of gossip, just talking really. I mean, they were a whole bunch of open-minded people. Anyway, one of the ladies there was talking about how she had HSV2 (genital herpes), and so she used a website called “positive singles” to find dates because she didn’t want to give it to someone who didn’t already have it anyway. The point is that people who get diseases still desire human connection, so it only makes sense to let them connect with each other.
My dead boyfriend (he died in a traffic collision in 2015 on his way home from work in case I haven’t brought him up before) also talked about how he had couldn’t convince his doctor to a full batch of STI tests on him every six months, so he got a new doctor who would automatically schedule him for those tests. Being polyamorous, they took diseases seriously and wanted to make sure they were being safe. We still used condoms, of course, but since there’s always a small chance of the condom being defective and the person you’re with possibly lying, it’s important to test yourself as well if you’re engaging in multiple sexual relationships.
If we don’t talk openly about these things, people pass around diseases without even knowing. It’s difficult to gather statistics on things like this, but I hear that serial monogamists actually have a higher rate of disease transmission than polyamorous people because they don’t get tested between relationships, don’t use condoms when they are in a monogamous relationships, and if their partner cheats and they never find out . . . you get the picture. All that silence means the diseases spread more. Polyamorous people, on the other hand, tend to talk about their disease status, inform new partners about how many other partners they have, use condoms, and show each other test paperwork before engaging in sex. We’re not perfect either, but I remember Marc calling me on the phone and asking if I’d had my Hepatitis B vaccine since he’d gotten Hepatitis B from his parents. Anyway, showing that kind of concern for someone by opening that conversation is mature and very attractive in my book.
I’ve tested positive for HSV1 (oral herpes) antibodies and something like 90% of Americans are positive for HSV1 antibodies anyway, but many don’t show symptoms. Most never get tested for HSV1 and I had to practically arm wrestle a doctor to get that test run. She was all, “Even if you test positive, it doesn’t mean you have herpes.” Well, I was dating someone who occasionally had oral herpes outbreaks, so I wanted to know, and it’s good to know. I don’t know where I got the antibodies in the first place, though. Possibly from breast milk.
Wow, that’s an interesting story. I’m almost jealous now that you got the opportunity to earn easy money like that. But knowing it wasn’t your choice changes everything. I mean, I just did a little “escorting” as an adult, but I was too afraid of getting arrested to keep at it, and I had a university degree which my mom was pressuring me to put to good use. Either that or go to graduate school or law school or something. I originally started university planning to be an environmental lawyer, but I got tired of school and wanted to start making my mark on the world. The point is that I would have done more prostitution if it was legal. I didn’t even consider prostitution as a career path in high school because I was a good little Christian, but I grew out of organized religion as an adult.
Thanky! Looking forward to more of your stories
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4 Years Ago
My husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for .. read moreMy husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for very long to term. They brought it home and spent a precious week (or however long) with it and then grieved when it died.
Reading ... Hmm ... I hadn't considered that - where you know your newborn is going to die and you take them on anyways. That would be rough. I don't know ... Life has always been a mystery to me, not so much living it which is but even more so - creating it.
Hah ! That's a crazy song. I had to look up the lyrics. You know that old skunk doesn't give the kid a chance. He says, "If you don't - " and right as the kid pulls his head out THEN the mean old skunk sprays him. Pretty sure that wasn't fair.
"Didn't want to give it it someone who didn't already have it anyway."
That sounds a bit like Chris' friend, Robert. He is HIV positive. Occasionally he'll come in and tell us about his 'exploits' over the weekend. I ask him if he ever - gets friendly - with people who aren't HIV positive. He says oh no, just those who are.
And - I GUESS that makes sense to me. I mean I would think you would to remove whatever disease you have first before mingling with others. Me ? I've got torn insteps and bone spurs in both feet causing me to hobble a bit if I've been sitting in a chair for a-while but other than that I am sound of wind and limb and disease free.
Now that's something I've never used was a condom. Not that I've had any problems. I was with Chris years ago before Wayne and while he did - ah - dock me - there were no difficulties. Same with Wayne who also wanted to dock me. So long as my hand was held during this I wasn't afraid.
I know Rose years later tried to get me to use a condom but the sensations were just not there for me wearing one of these crazy things - and as she had a hysterectomy many years ago she was incapable of having children - so we went without and to this day I have never used one.
I haven't gotten to Wayne yet in "Dating Wayne" but when I do you will see the FIRST thing he did was to get us tested. Nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I had a full physical a few weeks ago with blood tests and they told me everything is fine. No AIDs, no diabetes, nothing at all. Healthy as a horse.
I suppose it was pretty easy money but I wondered just how much of that would gnaw at my soul later - for doing something so despicable, and it certainly seemed that way to me at the time. As I received a GED and got out of High School I never did see Tyler after that. And probably just as well as likely he would've told his buddies about it - and then - well - then I really would have reason to feel miserable.
Religion to me is a curious thing. It teaches us to love one another, to treat others as you would treat yourself, to be pious and caring. It is when religion is guilt, shame, and remorse, then it is not good for you.
"Thanky! Looking forward to more of your stories."
Absolutely Kari ! I am writing down the next chapter in Future Barrier NOW.
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4 Years Ago
I've been having issues with the site the last couple of days :(
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4 Years Ago
Seems to be working for the moment, but it keeps giving me a message saying my account was banned by.. read moreSeems to be working for the moment, but it keeps giving me a message saying my account was banned by site moderators. I tried it in a different browser with a new account and got the same message, so I don't think it's just me.
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4 Years Ago
I'm going to give it a bit more time and let them sort out their bugs.
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4 Years Ago
Now Kari, I got the same thing ! I linked an image from a site and it copied some gobble-dee-gook wi.. read moreNow Kari, I got the same thing ! I linked an image from a site and it copied some gobble-dee-gook with it and said my account wad banned too !
I removed the junk around the image and the text went away. Please let me know if you are still having difficulties, if you like I could edit it for you and fix it as I think you probably have the same problem I had.
Also please let me know if this BAN message appears on only your writings, only on my writings, or any writings at all.
Would like to help.
Best wishes !
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4 Years Ago
It seems to be functioning normally again, I hope!
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4 Years Ago
Very good. Odd you got it about the same time I did. Hopefully it's not Writer's Cafe related though.. read moreVery good. Odd you got it about the same time I did. Hopefully it's not Writer's Cafe related though.
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Reviews
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Thanky!
Wow, it's good to know the details behind that. It's quite different from what I imagined. Still, I think I would do the same in your dad's position, knowing the consequences. It's not a risk I'd take if my son was of normal or average intelligence, but under the circumstances, yes. Thankfully, my son is looking good so far. They found one of these on the second trimester ultrasound:
https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/faq-choroid-plexus-cysts#:~:text=In%20about%201%20to%202,not%20considered%20a%20brain%20abnormality.
But it looks like it's gone now. I had an NIPT that that came back looking good, but it's not 100% foolproof:
https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/testing/nipt/
I could do a more invasive test, but the ultrasound doctor said there were "no other signs of trisomy 18" and being over 30, I decided not to risk a miscarriage because my husband and I really want a baby, and it took us almost two years of trying to conceive. Basically, he's looking healthy, so I'm not going to let one little thing scare me.
The man my character Marc is based on also has no body hair. It was confusing and delightful at the same time when I first felt his naked body against mine. I can't quite express that in the story because it happens after Joan has been dating Marc for some time, but wow! I want to feel that again someday, after the pandemic.
I think that the desire to manhandle and the enjoyment of being manhandled is somehow integrated into our DNA. While males are usually the dominant ones, everyone has an X chromosome, and I like to imagine that a Y chromosome is actually an X chromosome that broke somewhere in the distant past of animal evolution. Where was I going with this again . . . yeah. I was going to say that I've never been sexually bullied in that way, yet I enjoy tentacle porn, rape porn, and rape play - as long as we establish the rules beforehand. Modern feminists cry that society teaches men to rape and that we need to teach men to not rape, but this is a flat-out denial of our evolutionary heritage. Many successful breedings were achieved through rape, and this is why it's an instinct ingrained in our species. While I can see that actual rape is not pleasant or enjoyable for most women, ignoring and suppressing the urge won't solve anything. First, we need to acknowledge that it's OK to have those urges. Second, we need to find consensual outlets for those urges. This is a huge reason why we need to legalize prostitution and why I write about it. If it were legal, and I had legal protections against clients who broke my boundaries, I would absolutely be earning a living that way right now. Hold me down, wrestle with me until my strength gives out, bring a buddy to help hold me down if I'm stronger than you, and f**k me hard! But ffs, wear a condom. If you don't wear a condom, I sue you for every last penny. That's the kind of world I want to live in.
We have urges for ice cream, we buy ice cream. We get diabetes, we buy more expensive ice cream or learn how to make it ourselves, substituting erythritol for the sugar. We have urges for sex, we buy sex, and we get to pick the flavor. Doing it without a condom costs extra, and it's not available at all locations. We get HIV, we either buy more expensive sex or start going to a prostitute who already has HIV and an IUD. Since buying and selling sex is illegal, the economy is crippled in when it comes to the sex industry. Prostitutes have to hide behind the veil of "escort" and can't openly discuss what services we are willing to provide. I say “we” because I hid behind the veil of “escort,” but that’s a story for another time.
As virtual sex technology improves, we may alleviate some of the crime from unfulfilled urges, but why wait when we could do that now?
Oh, I was going to go back to my theory on why I enjoy rape porn/rape play. Female animals are wired to seek the strongest mates in order to ensure the strongest offspring. Some species wind up like peacocks. Some wind up doing elaborate songs and dances. Human females have evolved to enjoy a variety of methods, and one of those methods is pure, direct physical domination. Thus, I’m not ashamed that it’s one of my kinks.
Anyway, circling back to the XY chromosome thing . . . I think that males are more likely to be the aggressors during sex rather than the submissive ones, but since I believe a Y chromosome is a broken X chromosome, there must be some crossing over between them:
http://www.phschool.com/science/biology_place/labbench/lab3/crossovr.html
And this is how you wind up with a female dominatrix or a male submissive.
……………………
Thanks! Yeah, as I said, I wouldn’t rely on a wonder drug for my children’s intelligence as long as they’re somewhere in the normal range or higher. Having a smart kid is important to me, though. I’m doing what’s in my power, such as eating healthy and exercising after every meal to control my gestational diabetes. I’m also avoiding people as much as possible during the pandemic, and with the recent spike in cases, I finally signed up for Instacart. My husband went out grocery shopping without me a few days before, but he couldn’t find a few things, so I ordered two pounds of fresh spinach, two pounds of frozen collard greens, two eggplants, and the eggs that I forgot to put on the shopping list in the first place. Anyway, I’m making palak/saag (different words for spinach depending on what part of India you are from) paneer tomorrow. It’s my favorite Indian dish, but Husband doesn’t like it, so I’ll make him some pulled pork in the slow cooker while I make my food on the stove, and then I’ll have lots of leftovers. Yummy!!!!!!
Posted 4 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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4 Years Ago
Quite a bit here ! Reading all of it ...
Right, no I definitely remember being dim. I.. read moreQuite a bit here ! Reading all of it ...
Right, no I definitely remember being dim. It was not a comfortable feeling. Someone would say something and - you had no idea what they were saying. You would say something - and no-one understood you. It was really bad.
Trying out your link. You know I'm surprised we're not at the level now where you can force birth of children to be the very best in every possible way through genetic manipulation. Genius IQ, strong as an ox, and you could even program their interests their interests when they arrive. Mathematics, Biology, Science, etc.
Reading about NIPT ... Wow I don't think Dad had any access to this stuff. I guess have to ask, if this test came up positive, what could you do to remedy it ?
As for being manhandled. It's kind of strange. You know how you can grip a cat by the scruff of their neck to pick them up and they freeze up and might even start to purr. This is because it's the exact spot where their Mommy picks them up to move them someplace. They are familiar with the grip and they know they are safe when they are held this way.
I think the same was (still is) true with me. If you caress or even brush my hair, tendrils of pleasure literally shoot out down my spine from the feeling. But it doesn't work if I do it. Rose my G/F learned this years ago and every time she sees me, her fingers are automatically in my long wavy hair which I don't ever cut anymore.
So the bullies knew this. That was my "grip" as related to the cat. While I didn't purr I also didn't fight them - in any capacity. It originated I think from 3rd grade with girls who also swirled me. Yet I remember one girl who constantly wanted to touch my hair and I think - I think I reacted to this, in a way that let her know as long as she was holding my hand or stroking my hair I would go anywhere with her and do anything she told me to.
In this I'm uncertain as to agreeing if being manhandled is something we all want; that it is part of our DNA. I think it is more - at least with me - the lesser of two evils. I would rather be manhandled by guys or girls as the case was rather than be physically hurt. And - that was the punishment - to be physically hurt if I did not do absolutely everything they told me to.
I've always believed my Chromosomes were messed up. I asked Chris once if I was gay and he replied, "No, you're just confused." I asked Rose one time if I were straight and she replied the same, "You're just confused honey, it happens." So - yeah, I guess I'm just a big mess of confusion, however you want to word it. :)
Rape at least as I am understanding it from a psychological viewpoint is not so much the aggressor wanting sex as they want to be in control - or at least FEEL they are in control. There is a classic song called called, "Sweet Dreams Are made of this."
The lyrics of note especially are:
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.
https://youtu.be/qeMFqkcPYcg
Hmm ... At some point I need to make a post that points out the most influential songs I have ever heard in my lifetime - that I believe in some way shaped the person I am today.
So, yes. I think it was Japan that allowed pre-teens to buy any media or pornography they wanted. The belief of the government was that not being denied it, they can "get it out of their system" without acting out violently in society.
I feel the same way. I have - appetites of my own - strange, lurid, sometimes stygian. And yet today I feel had I grown without the influence of bullies and people who sought to manipulate me, that I might've turned out normal. No such luck. :)
As for legalizing prostitution. Hmm ... You know I've never been with a prostitute, never been arrested or put in jail, never shot up heroin. I'm not saying I wish I could - because I believe society has taught us this is a negative thing - and yet I fully believe that which does not kill you can only make you stronger.
If prostitution were legalized - I would think there would be some variables to consider. The least of which is cleanliness. There are a great many prostitutes out in the world today that have a whole host of venereal and sexually related diseases and I think that would be a strong negative about prostitution being legalized.
If it were clinical, sterile, sanitary, and pure - then yes I could definitely see prostitution as being a very valid thing for the government to get its grips into. But both ways. Just as there would be prostitutes and mistresses so too could there be gigolos.
And yet in this I am reminded of the movie, "A.I." by Steven Spielberg and especially, "Gigolo Joe" the robot who said to his client:
"Are you afraid of seeing the stars ?"
"I can show you how to reach them."
"Patricia ..."
"Once you've had a lover-robot -"
"You'll never want a real man again."
"You are a goddess, Patricia."
"You wind me up inside."
"But you deserve much better in your life."
"You deserve - me."
(( he kisses her ))
I think society has taught us that "sex for sale" is always dirty, it is something to be avoided, to be shunned. As if it is a cancer on society, a very wound in the fabric of humanity. But I think in time, beyond my time, that it could be something that is a driving force for GOOD. Much like a drug with zero side-effects, sex albeit prostitution could be used as a way to reward society for a job well done. I don't know ... I'm just shooting in the dark here, Kari.
Once again having never been with a prostitute nor given it any serious thought, I suspect my views may be skewed from those who have. I have always admired the complete translucence of computers. Unlike the human equation which can definitely go off a kilter for a total meltdown I think if I were given a choice of prostitutes, one human, and one a robot, I would probably choose the robot - understand the visuals and aesthetics were all in perfect place.
Because what life has shown me thus far is people hurt me. If they're not hurting me, they're using me, if they're not using me, they are - as Gigolo Joe said, "Winding me up." and sometimes - I don't know for what - until later.
Life to me has always been a series of balances. In many cases any kindness shown to me in real life I =TRY= to reward, and sometimes it's just inappropriate. Like for instance Chris takes me out for lunch. I in turn buy something that he has expressed an interest in, maybe it's more expensive, maybe it's less. But it's my way of showing appreciation for that person whomever they may be.
My sister for instance for Christmas said, "Oh you don't need to buy me anything." Now when she first started this it rather angered me because it showed me there was no way I could get something for her with the direct understanding that she had already stated she didn't want anything.
And it's not just moot words she is saying she is quite serious about it. I remember buying a gift-card for my Step-Mom years ago and she went ballistic on me saying, "You can't afford this ! What are you doing ! Save your money."
Well today ? I treated Chris for Lunch because he managed to get a comic-book reader installed on my cellphone. I then promptly transferred from my computer hard-drive 493 Star Trek comic books. We went out shopping. I found this silly kid's book with toys in it designed I guess for 8-year olds but it had some really neat action figures attached to it I wanted to put on my shelf. So I bought it and will give the remainder - the playset and book to Kay and her children.
I also saw some "painting" books for Carlos. Beautiful paintings exactly like you see in a museum but 100 per book. I bought all 3 so there are 300 unique paintings he can look at and read stories about their origin. Good stuff for Christmas.
I also saw some Mixie-Q's 2 for $2 so got 4 total. What I'm getting at is I believe it's possible to go through life without being with a prostitute, without being arrested, without being put in jail, and without shooting up heroin. I think the internet has us so wired today they would have us believe that honest real warm human beings are nothing compared to the world they can show us in what you can hear with your ears and see with your eyes in video and original, skewed, and quite possibly, kinky art and stories by storywriters.
Prostitution in itself may very well be dying out in the massive face of highly diversified internet porn.
I was very close to my Dad. He passed away and - now I just sort of drift. I've always been the dependent sort of person. Not necessarily reflecting that I am reliable which is a synonym, no I am dependent, that means I depend on others to point out what we're doing for the day, what I need to do to make it happen, and where it is we are going.
Chris my best friend has been very good at this. Without direction he will definitely pick one for me. Back in school instead of fighting bullies I yielded to whatever they wanted. Back in camp it was the same. I have never been independent in my life and perhaps that could be because of my parents not wanting to let me go - and me not wanting to let go of them.
I agree with you in that I believe legalizing prostitution may actually be a very good thing. So it not done in the shadows, not specifically a nighttime activity, nor EVER require a pimp. Instead a legal and very organized government organization could head up prostitution for the greatest financial gain to the women involved as well as the government getting its legal cut for maintaining hygiene and sterility in this.
I neve used a condom of course since I never had intercourse - and maybe I should flip that around. I have never GIVEN intercourse but have received it back in Middle School. One time. And the principal and teachers were all over it and apologizing profusely to me that such a shocking thing could happen and why the HELL didn't I run away from it.
HIV and IUD and what have you. That could be karma right there. If you're going to risk that, you may deserve it. I've fully believed that heaven is nothing of the story our churches teach us. That it is in fact hell if the person so desires and chooses this. There is heaven, yes, but can we truly say every red-blooded American has the exact same idea of what they would consider paradise ? I don't think so ...
I agree with that the norm is for females to seek the strongest men yet there is the reverse. What I had. Where I was the weakest man and the strongest woman sought me out - and did. And we're still together today.
As for XY chromosomes I'm pretty sure my chromosomes did a backflip and somersault to become completely corrupted. It is possible that medication Dad gave me may have had strong and permanent binding female estrogen in it as well as part of the process in expanding your mind and consciousness for learning.
I have always fully believed women have a stronger sense of organization and meticulous detail compared to most men. And it is this attention to scrutiny that makes them such great persons as seamstresses, artists, sculptors, cooks, and yes, computer programmers.
Your XY chromosomes at work.
Reading more of what you wrote ... I have always been very fond of spinach, even as a child and spinach souffle, cream of spinach, spinach salad, even just raw spinach out of the can, to me has a taste unlike anything else. Naturally I am also quite fond of kelp, seaweed, and anything else that has a leafy and very green taste to it like collard greens and mustard greens.
Palak Paneer is the very dish I get at the Indian Restaurant me and Chris to go, "The Maharajah." And it is simply scrumptious, your husband is completely missing out. :) You might let him try Chicken Tikka Masala sometime though, as that is a very spicy and meaty dish if he is not fond of vegetables.
Hmm ! All this talk of food - I think I'll start dinner a little early here.
Once again, very good to hear from you, Kari. You have quite the ideas - and a good number of them distinctly workable and possible. Not all pipe dreams.
Just save those days for me ... :)
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4 Years Ago
If the test came up positive, or rather high likelihood since the NIPT collects bits of DNA and not .. read moreIf the test came up positive, or rather high likelihood since the NIPT collects bits of DNA and not a complete set, my next step would be a more invasive test to confirm the results. At our current level of technology, there is no way to fix any type of trisomy, so we'd get an abortion, even for trisomy 21 a.k.a down syndrome. This is one of the things my husband and I discussed before we got married. Our mom are both Catholic and wouldn't be happy if we got an abortion, so we also agreed to keep the pregnancy quiet for the first trimester. My husband's brother's wife had a miscarriage during her first trimester, so we had a convenient excuse on why we didn't want to reveal it until later, because miscarriages are less likely after the first trimester.
Very interesting! Well, one way or another, I say only you get to decide what your sexuality is.
Haha! I was actually considering sharing the "Sweet Dreams" song but got exhausted from typing somewhere along the way, so it didn't make it in.
Indeed, I agree that prostitutes should be regularly tested. However, having a disease should not be the end of a prostitute's career. It should simply be something the prostitute is required to disclose, and the clients can then make their own choices. I'm also in favor of requiring the clients to get tested, if a prostitute is negative and wants that information. This is why I include rapid HIV testing in my story.
Back when we were just friends with benefits, my husband visited a brothel and told me the story. It was too expensive for him to go again, but he enjoyed the experience a lot. Shortly after he moved in with me, I think it was before I even started calling him my boyfriend, we went to a joint talk by some sex workers and sex work researchers at a book festival and got a signed copy of this: https://www.amazon.com/Alice-Memoirs-Barbary-Coast-Prostitute/dp/1597143618
That triggered a lot of discussion between us, and ultimately it's part of what inspired "Kaiba's Prostitute." My husband is my beta reader for that story, and just thinking about that makes me all warm and fuzzy. I'm watching him take a nap right now and grinning all lovestruck as I type this. The thing is that I never felt comfortable enough to share my writing with my ex-boyfriend, so being this close with my husband is something I truly treasure.
Yes, and if prostitution is legal, it still doesn't mean everyone needs to do it. Just like skydiving, some people won't want to take the risk or spend the money, and that's just fine. Some people don't even want to drink alcohol for various reasons. Personally, that's how I feel about driving a car. I see it as morally abhorrent to add more greenhouse gasses to the atmosphere with a private motorized vehicle. Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean I have to do it.
If my husband didn't drive, I'd be bicycling to the hospital for all my prenatal appointments and calling an ambulance for labor. What? I need a car seat to take my baby home? No car. We're taking the bus home, bye!
Unfortunately, the pandemic has made public transportation too risky for me right now. Still, I believe that private motorized transportation should be a thing only allowed under special circumstances. Also, emergency vehicles should not cost this much:
https://youtu.be/aEVI6vaONbw
Even so, an ambulance ride is less than the cost of car ownership:
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/cost-car-ownership.asp#:~:text=In%20its%202018%20Your%20Driving,for%20a%20variety%20of%20vehicles.&text=According%20to%20AAA%2C%20the%20average,for%20the%20privilege%20of%20driving.
Thanky! Yes, I will
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4 Years Ago
More to read, I want to catch every word here.
Hmm ... Abortion. I think someone word.. read moreMore to read, I want to catch every word here.
Hmm ... Abortion. I think someone worded it well when they said, "God told us to be fruitful and multiply, not breed like maggots." Might've even been Harlon Ellison bless his black heart. :)
Still ... Life is life. I know in Blake's 7 for the episode of "Weapon" the clone of Roj Blake said, "All life is linked." These are strong words. Years ago I saw an unusual documentation video - where someone was doing research with water, just water, and found that if you surrounded a beaker of water with hateful Chinese words the water's composition itself changed at a molecular level.
Alternatively if you surrounded the water with Chinese words of love and compassion - the water also changed.
I know that sounds too fantastic to be true - but I believe all life, as Blake has said, is linked. While I can neither condemn nor condone abortions not being a woman myself and fully understanding the emotions and mechanics behind birth, I still sometimes wonder if there is a better way than this ...
As for deciding on sexuality, I'm opposed to the belief that it is solely up to the person. I think a good deal of the way you are brought up (or lack thereof) from outside influences and information. Additionally if you are a submissive person, a domate, both in mentality and disposition, then outside influence and suggestion are even stronger to decide your sexuality. Especially by those who are strong-willed, dominant, used to being obeyed, and demanding their thoughts to supercede others.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=domate
This is the relationship I have with Chris today where I am the domate. Yes, I am in the green or I certainly was that bubbly when I was a teenager with him. :)
Regarding testing prostitutes. Well now I mean if we have a sterile and clinical environment regarding this prostitution, then diseases really SHOULD be the end of their career - at least until they are cured and fit for duty again. The last thing we want to do on Earth is spread disease despite people thinking gaining a disease is worth the pleasure.
I remember reading a Heavy Metal magazine years ago. It was showing the future. There was a man with a long trenchcoat going around saying that he had mated with a Xylurian 7 and had gotten a disease from her and trying to find a cure.
To a doctor he opened his raincoat to reveal his naked form but completely twisted in every possible way even going so far as to have a makeshift human eyeball coming right out of his peter.
Now I'm not saying human sexual diseases are as bad as this, but they should not be considered lightly either.
In contrast with "Alice's Memoirs" I must state once again this is something alien to me, to pay for sex, so I'm not entirely sure how to respond to it. Now I do remember one bully that I did blow job years ago. My understanding was that he would return my keys (which he stole) and said he would leave me alone for the rest of the day.
I thought that was a fair exchange so I agreed. However he really liked it, better than his G/F he told me - and the fact I swallowed which to be fair I really had nowhere to put it without making a mess.
But he enjoyed and relished what I did so much he was willing to pay me $20 a day every day at school, Monday through Friday, to have it happen on the daily. That would be an extra $100 in my pocket if I agreed.
But I chose not to. Not because it was difficult or really even very demeaning as I had some pretty low settings on my self-esteem as it was. No I was concerned he would tell all his friends about and THEN I might be faced with a whole team of high schoolers expecting the same personal privilege.
So I said no, not ever again. Unfortunately at the beach he was sitting on one of those porta-potties and I was kneeling in front of him having finished what he wanted. Seeing I was not going to be "reasonable" about this, he quickly leaned forward to grab my shorts and shoved me all the way inside, where in my falling in I sprained my ankle and couldn't stand. Nonetheless he seemed somewhat sympathetic and said he'd help me out by evening.
I thought originally about asking for help when the first patrons arrived but realized that could get the police involved, so I just quietly sat there in silence.
Hours later I was there witnessing I guess what could be described as the absolute worst and filth of humanity, like being mooned with consequences from every beach goer there, guys and girls. Finally as promised about 6-hours later he did return to help me out. He wrapped me in a full-length body towel that really smelled of motor oil and by then my ankle was feeling better.
He did let me lean on him as we worked our way to the shower facilities on the beach. It was so late at night no-one was else was using them so I went in, turned on the water and bathed as well as I could to get the mess off, then went home to bathe more hours scrubbing hard until the stink was gone. Tyler was nowhere in sight and likely went home the moment I had arrived at the showers.
And when I think about what he did - he got what he wanted. Which was to completely smother my self-esteem in waves of teenagers as I was trapped and silent down there contemplating my misery.
Later I met him back at school and realized rather quickly he was getting to the point of wanting to seriously injure me if I didn't give him what he wanted back at the beach. So I quietly agreed but to do it only on Tuesdays. So every Tuesday I got an additional $20 for what to me was just 4- or less minutes of easy work in the boys bathroom stall. And I did put that money to use. I bought up every single Dungeons & Dragons pick-your-own-path books from the local comic book shop. I still have the entire set in boxes downstairs to remind me of my perfidious behavior that I definitely kept secret from Dad.
So on the lines of prostitution, did that make me a prostitute ? That was something I did ask myself years later - finally agreeing, no, I wasn't. I didn't do it with everyone, I only did it with Tyler. And he chose the payment - not me.
I'm blessed he did not have a disease or anything and I hate to admit it in time it was quite a natural thing to do which he apparently never grew tired of. And it didn't bother me at all especially since he kept himself clean.
Anyways, this is not a very proud moment - my dealings with Tyler. Moving on ...
Sharing your deepest thoughts is something I do with Rose, my G/F. We met when I was 18-years old, leaving Wayne behind at that time, and, she was definitely pegging me as a domate. Being quite the dominant one in the relationship it was her that introduced me to S&M and B&D. Those years ago.
I agree with you about cars. I see a future I may not survive where all cars are driven by computer, and perhaps no faster than 30mph. They are all interlinked to each other and no accidents are even remotely possibly. Because of the "slowness" of these vehicles though timetables would need to be changed to accommodate the more leisurely ride.
And yes, ambulances are expensive - or at least they have been to people I've known. Strangely every time I was taken away by an ambulance myself there was absolutely no cost, even when I was living on my own and my address was the only one I gave them. No cost to even see doctors. I never did figure that one out.
Tomorrow I'll write-up about Mark and me and also an unfortunate incident having to do with zealous and curious girls my age which as you remember is 11. Until then.
I definitely do appreciate your comments here, Kari, in many ways it is good to think about many things from the past ...
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4 Years Ago
My husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for .. read moreMy husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for very long to term. They brought it home and spent a precious week (or however long) with it and then grieved when it died. While such stories are meant to inspire women with the strength to do that themselves, I really don’t see the point in embarking on something like that already knowing the outcome. If the parents have boatloads of money to spend on keeping it alive and plenty of maternity leave for grieving, that’s their choice, but I think that time and money would be better spent on other things.
There’s an old Girl Scout song that goes: “I stuck my head in a little skunk’s hole and the little skunk said to me: take it out take it out take it out take it out remooooove it! *spray sound* I remoooooved it! Too late!” Anyway, I was going to sing the “take it out” part of that song right then and there in front of the doctor if they told me that anything was seriously wrong with my fetus.
Anyway, if you read my story, you’ll see Joan occasionally bursting into song. That’s a real-life quirk of mine.
Human sexual diseases shouldn’t be taken lightly, but the ability to openly talk about something doesn’t mean we’re taking it lightly. I remember when my dead boyfriend was alive and his wife had some friends over to the house doing what they called a “stitch n’ b***h” where they knitted and drank and gossiped. It wasn’t the bad kind of gossip, just talking really. I mean, they were a whole bunch of open-minded people. Anyway, one of the ladies there was talking about how she had HSV2 (genital herpes), and so she used a website called “positive singles” to find dates because she didn’t want to give it to someone who didn’t already have it anyway. The point is that people who get diseases still desire human connection, so it only makes sense to let them connect with each other.
My dead boyfriend (he died in a traffic collision in 2015 on his way home from work in case I haven’t brought him up before) also talked about how he had couldn’t convince his doctor to a full batch of STI tests on him every six months, so he got a new doctor who would automatically schedule him for those tests. Being polyamorous, they took diseases seriously and wanted to make sure they were being safe. We still used condoms, of course, but since there’s always a small chance of the condom being defective and the person you’re with possibly lying, it’s important to test yourself as well if you’re engaging in multiple sexual relationships.
If we don’t talk openly about these things, people pass around diseases without even knowing. It’s difficult to gather statistics on things like this, but I hear that serial monogamists actually have a higher rate of disease transmission than polyamorous people because they don’t get tested between relationships, don’t use condoms when they are in a monogamous relationships, and if their partner cheats and they never find out . . . you get the picture. All that silence means the diseases spread more. Polyamorous people, on the other hand, tend to talk about their disease status, inform new partners about how many other partners they have, use condoms, and show each other test paperwork before engaging in sex. We’re not perfect either, but I remember Marc calling me on the phone and asking if I’d had my Hepatitis B vaccine since he’d gotten Hepatitis B from his parents. Anyway, showing that kind of concern for someone by opening that conversation is mature and very attractive in my book.
I’ve tested positive for HSV1 (oral herpes) antibodies and something like 90% of Americans are positive for HSV1 antibodies anyway, but many don’t show symptoms. Most never get tested for HSV1 and I had to practically arm wrestle a doctor to get that test run. She was all, “Even if you test positive, it doesn’t mean you have herpes.” Well, I was dating someone who occasionally had oral herpes outbreaks, so I wanted to know, and it’s good to know. I don’t know where I got the antibodies in the first place, though. Possibly from breast milk.
Wow, that’s an interesting story. I’m almost jealous now that you got the opportunity to earn easy money like that. But knowing it wasn’t your choice changes everything. I mean, I just did a little “escorting” as an adult, but I was too afraid of getting arrested to keep at it, and I had a university degree which my mom was pressuring me to put to good use. Either that or go to graduate school or law school or something. I originally started university planning to be an environmental lawyer, but I got tired of school and wanted to start making my mark on the world. The point is that I would have done more prostitution if it was legal. I didn’t even consider prostitution as a career path in high school because I was a good little Christian, but I grew out of organized religion as an adult.
Thanky! Looking forward to more of your stories
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4 Years Ago
My husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for .. read moreMy husband and I read stories about parents who carried a baby they knew wasn’t going to live for very long to term. They brought it home and spent a precious week (or however long) with it and then grieved when it died.
Reading ... Hmm ... I hadn't considered that - where you know your newborn is going to die and you take them on anyways. That would be rough. I don't know ... Life has always been a mystery to me, not so much living it which is but even more so - creating it.
Hah ! That's a crazy song. I had to look up the lyrics. You know that old skunk doesn't give the kid a chance. He says, "If you don't - " and right as the kid pulls his head out THEN the mean old skunk sprays him. Pretty sure that wasn't fair.
"Didn't want to give it it someone who didn't already have it anyway."
That sounds a bit like Chris' friend, Robert. He is HIV positive. Occasionally he'll come in and tell us about his 'exploits' over the weekend. I ask him if he ever - gets friendly - with people who aren't HIV positive. He says oh no, just those who are.
And - I GUESS that makes sense to me. I mean I would think you would to remove whatever disease you have first before mingling with others. Me ? I've got torn insteps and bone spurs in both feet causing me to hobble a bit if I've been sitting in a chair for a-while but other than that I am sound of wind and limb and disease free.
Now that's something I've never used was a condom. Not that I've had any problems. I was with Chris years ago before Wayne and while he did - ah - dock me - there were no difficulties. Same with Wayne who also wanted to dock me. So long as my hand was held during this I wasn't afraid.
I know Rose years later tried to get me to use a condom but the sensations were just not there for me wearing one of these crazy things - and as she had a hysterectomy many years ago she was incapable of having children - so we went without and to this day I have never used one.
I haven't gotten to Wayne yet in "Dating Wayne" but when I do you will see the FIRST thing he did was to get us tested. Nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I had a full physical a few weeks ago with blood tests and they told me everything is fine. No AIDs, no diabetes, nothing at all. Healthy as a horse.
I suppose it was pretty easy money but I wondered just how much of that would gnaw at my soul later - for doing something so despicable, and it certainly seemed that way to me at the time. As I received a GED and got out of High School I never did see Tyler after that. And probably just as well as likely he would've told his buddies about it - and then - well - then I really would have reason to feel miserable.
Religion to me is a curious thing. It teaches us to love one another, to treat others as you would treat yourself, to be pious and caring. It is when religion is guilt, shame, and remorse, then it is not good for you.
"Thanky! Looking forward to more of your stories."
Absolutely Kari ! I am writing down the next chapter in Future Barrier NOW.
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4 Years Ago
I've been having issues with the site the last couple of days :(
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4 Years Ago
Seems to be working for the moment, but it keeps giving me a message saying my account was banned by.. read moreSeems to be working for the moment, but it keeps giving me a message saying my account was banned by site moderators. I tried it in a different browser with a new account and got the same message, so I don't think it's just me.
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4 Years Ago
I'm going to give it a bit more time and let them sort out their bugs.
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4 Years Ago
Now Kari, I got the same thing ! I linked an image from a site and it copied some gobble-dee-gook wi.. read moreNow Kari, I got the same thing ! I linked an image from a site and it copied some gobble-dee-gook with it and said my account wad banned too !
I removed the junk around the image and the text went away. Please let me know if you are still having difficulties, if you like I could edit it for you and fix it as I think you probably have the same problem I had.
Also please let me know if this BAN message appears on only your writings, only on my writings, or any writings at all.
Would like to help.
Best wishes !
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4 Years Ago
It seems to be functioning normally again, I hope!
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4 Years Ago
Very good. Odd you got it about the same time I did. Hopefully it's not Writer's Cafe related though.. read moreVery good. Odd you got it about the same time I did. Hopefully it's not Writer's Cafe related though.
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Added on November 20, 2020
Last Updated on November 20, 2020
Tags: davidw, brain juice, wonderdrug, Methamphetamines, sharper thinking, increase in intelligence, Anageria, floaty feeling, vivid hallucinations, animal tranquilizer, slow puberty, bully magnet, toilet swirly
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