03. I'm sad when my food is over.
04. How to do math. 1. Write down the problem. 2. Cry.
05. Nothing saves money like being antisocial.
06. I work hard so my cat can live a better life.
07. Today I will be as useless as the "g" in lasagna.
08. Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound.
09. I have to be successful because I like expensive things.
10. In case of emergency, a crayon will burn for 30-minutes.
11. God didn't add another day in your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you.
12. Geek Life - it's kinda like normal life but there are Dragons.
13. Feeling nauseous ? Smell rubbing alcohol. It will relieve the nausea almost immediately.
14. Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can't be happy because someone else might have it better.
15. Men think it's a woman's dream to find the perfect man. Whereas every woman's dream is actually to eat anything without getting fat.
16. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you have a flat.
17. I'm a princess. Don't be surprised when I randomly burst into song and dance.
18. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
19. The only reason women are crazy is because men do stupid things to us. No stupidity = no craziness.
20. ♦♦Easily distracted by shiny objects♦♦
21. Nothing haunts us like the things we wanted and couldn't get.
22. Sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments.
23. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how that person died.
24. Everyone is always telling me to follow my dreams ... so I'm going back to bed now.
25. Dear Naps. I am sorry I was so mean to you in kindergarten.
26. Dubbed the Rain Boy in 1983, Donnie Decker was visiting his friend’s house when he abruptly went into a trance-like state. Immediately after, the ceiling began to drip water and a mist filled the room. His friends immediately called on the landlord who was alarmed by what he was seeing.
Some time later, Donnie was at a restaurant with other companions when rain started pouring down their heads. The restaurant owner immediately forced him out. Years later, due to a petty crime, Donnie was put into jail where he caused chaos when rain started to pour down in his cell.
After angry inmates complained, Donnie explained that he could make it rain when he wanted to, and proved his point by dumping rain on the jailor on duty. Eventually, he was released from jail and found a job as a cook at a local restaurant.
His present whereabouts is unknown " as is the cause of the mysterious rain ...
27. If you ever need to stop and ask directions, skip the gas station and find a pizza delivery place. They know how to find all the addresses.
28. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray ? I really don't want to have to restart my video collection ... again !
29. "Tired" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore. It's just an inherent part of my personality at this point.
30. Wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage and put it in the freezer. In about 15-minutes it will be almost completely ice cold.
31. Charlie Brown says, "Social awkwardness is my superpower."
32. Stars can't shine without the darkness.
33. I think I'm starting to lose my mind. But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta go pee, I should be okay.
34. A sticker that everyone needs for the back of their cellphone reads, "Shhh, I'm on the phone."
35. Sebastian the crab says, "Listen to me ! The human world is a mess !"
36. Sometimes you just gotta stay silent cause no words can explain the stuff that's going on in your mind and heart.
37. I do not make films primarily for children. I make them for the child in all of us, whether we be six, or sixty. - Walt Disney
38. Way to guy's heart. 1. Buy me food. 2. Make me food. 3. Be food.
39. It's just another Xanax Monday.
40. New evidence suggests that Mars had an oxygen-rich atmosphere 4-billion years ago.
41. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
42. Humans are born with 300-bones in their body. However, when a person reaches adulthood, they only have 206 bones. This occurs because many of them join together to make a single bone.
43. Approximately 80% of a child's intelligence is acquired from the Mother.
44. Humans and giraffes have the same number of bones in their necks.
45. My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display - like a museum.
46. I was going to give you a nasty look ... but I see you already have one.
47. Even though I finished my test first in class, I wait for someone else to get up before me.
48. That weird dance you do when you think something is crawling on you.
49. Spending a long time writing a really long message, then after highlighting it, you accidentally press the backspace key.
50. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
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