Wit & Wisdom - April 7th 2015

A Chapter by dw817

29,000 rubber ducks were lost at sea in 1992 and are still being found, revolutionizing our knowledge of ocean science.

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W&W April 7th 2015

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Capital T lends his voice for this week's Wit & Wisdom [Click]

01. 29,000 rubber ducks were lost at sea in 1992 and are still being found, revolutionizing our knowledge of ocean science.

02. I like to party and by party I mean read books.

03. It's better to be happy in leggings than unhappy in jeans.

04. Hey Autocorrect, quit tampering with my curse words, you mother forklifter !

05. *Trying to study a schoolbook* Oh look ! What a beautiful ceiling !

06. And her T-Shirt reads, "Cute enough to stop your heart. skilled enough to restart it. Registered Nurse."

07. There is no pretending, I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then as well.

08. Forgive others, not because they deserve the forgiveness, but because you deserve the peace.

09. I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.

10. Be with someone who ruins your lipstick - not your mascara.

11. When it comes to random security checks, I always win. Always.

12. If you wake me up by turning on all the lights, there's a 100% chance that I've already started planning at least 10 different ways to kill you.

13. I love everyone. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And others I would love to punch in the face.

14. John Lennon signed the paperwork that finally disbanded the Beatles in 1974 at Walt Disney World's Polynesian resort.

15. Ok, OK ... ! I'm going to be serious now. *DEEP BREATH* *Bursts out laughing*

16. Decorated graduation cap reads, "The B.S. was worth the B.S."

17. Justin Bieber is reportedly banned from Disneyland because he punched Mickey Mouse in the nuts.

18. If you ever feel bad about procrastinating. Just remember that Mozart wrote the Overture to Don Giovanni the very morning it premiered.

19. My little sister's password for the Disney website is, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto." When asked why, she said, "They told me to use 4-characters."

20. Sorry, you are out of refills for your "Knowitall" prescription. Looks like you're gonna have to shut up now.

21. The moment when you want to quit, is the moment you need to push your hardest.

22. It's no secret. It's just not your business.

23. That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and realize you are inadvertently making faces in front of your friends.

24. Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud ?

25. You call it "Road rage." I call it, "Aggressively maneuvering around idiots that don't know how to bleeding drive !"

26. The world's oldest university in continuous operation is the University Of Bologna, in Italy, founded in 1088.

27. Yes I have a dirty mind and right now you're running through it ... naked.

28. Up to 200 feral cats live in Disneyland. They are tolerated because they eradicate mice and rats on the property.

29. The focusing muscles in your eyes move around 100,000 times per day. You'd need to walk 50-miles to give your legs the same workout.

30. Should you ever find yourself the victim of other peoples bitterness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse ... You could be them.

31. I would like to apologize to anyone I have NOT yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.

32. If you are going to be close-minded about this, would you mind being close-mouthed as well ?

33. Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.

34. Your belly button is home to thousands of bacteria that form an ecosystem the size of an entire rainforest.

35. What did you make today ? Mistakes. Yeah, mistakes.

36. Friend: Why don't you have a boyfriend ? Her: Because I'm a hot pot of rice who don't need no side dish.

37. People don't forget girls like you. They try. But they won't ever forget what your love felt like.

38. Our bodies actually glow in the dark, but the light we emit is 1,000 times weaker than what our normal eyes can detect.

39. Disneyworld is second only to the US military when it comes to purchasing explosives in the United States. The difference being Disneyworld uses them for fireworks.

40. Our eyes are so sensitive that if the Earth truly were flat, we could easily see a candle from about 30-miles away.

41. No, really ... it's adorable when you blame everyone but yourself.

42. Chewing gum is not in any Disney park. Seriously, don't ask for it.

43. To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

44. Last night my boyfriend and I got into a fight and angrily I told him to get what is his and LEAVE. He promptly picked me up and trussed me over his shoulder, then walked out the door. God, I really love him.

45. Roughly 90% of our cells aren't "human" in origin. Our cells originate mostly from fungi and bacteria.

46. Talking to you, laughing with you, being with you, changes my whole mood.

47. Our muscles are more powerful than we believe. Our strength is limited to protect our tendons and muscles from harming themselves. This limitation is removed during an adrenaline rush, during which some people have been known to lift cars and boulders.

48. And he says, "Ladies ... the US is 60% female. That means many of you will die alone. Keep that in mind the next time I text you."

49. Cry as hard as you want to. But just make sure than when you stop crying, you never have to cry again for the same reason.

50. Girlfriend, PLEASE. Even at my worst, I'm still better than you.

Which of these can you relate to ?