PTP - March 12th 2015

A Chapter by dw817

So - it is with a heavy heart I decide as my sister has decided years ago - to drop communication with my Mother completely.

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March 12th, 2015

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Happy Thursday - well that may not be true ...

I know I should feel guilty saying this, but I'm not.

I'm not going to write my Mother anymore.

Now, I know she has mental problems and has all her life - and naturally her offspring, me and Emma, my sister, have it too - we have taken steps to remedy it. Me, I take 400mg Seroquel daily.

While it leaves me tired and sleepy most of the day, as Lucky Seven Sampson would say, "I still manage to get things done."

And it keeps the voices at bay. Now, if I don't take my Seroquel, I =DO= start to hear voices and see things that aren't there. But I recognize it today - and they are not "holy" signs and visions my Mother told me they were.

So - what could she have possibly written me that would have been so negative ?

Apparently the same thing she wrote my sister years ago. The very words:

You are personally responsible for all the problems I have ever had.

That and the fact she wrote that I need an exorcism. Wow - that's just a bit much to take in. Especially since she left me at the age of 3 and went gallivanting off with will different men despite being married to Dad.

I didn't see her for 10-years, then she showed up again. There was a court order that proclaimed Dad was the legal guardian and she had no right to see me or Emma, but we cried so much so we could see our Mother again.

While there were some good times, the bad memories unfortunately outweigh the good today.

I struggled to hold on to those good times I had with Mom, but now they seem so fleeting when stacked up to all the negative she has done. Married more times than I can count, she was never even able to hold on to a single friend and even today asked me to look up old acquaintances who for whatever reason refuse to acknowledge knowing her or wanting to know her.

She did witchcraft, spells, prayers if you will. And I will tell you when I have been in her presence, I have seen some very strange things, and very strange things were done in her presence.

Miracles did happen, but there always seemed to be a price attached to it, there were demons in the walls and I could see them. She frightened me at times.

Very much like Mrs. Carmody from The Mist, she is a fanatical Christian to scare other Christians.

[Link]

Hailing judgment and damnation on others and she claims to have a direct connection with God and his words, saying every single passage in the KJV Bible is completely true.

She sees the end of the world and how she alone will be the messiah and leader to it.

How - how do you handle a person like this ? How do you talk to them ? Especially if they are your sole remaining parent ?

I see a doctor every week, my psychologist, and having copied some recent messages she sent me so he could read them himself, he said in no uncertain terms, DO NOT WRITE HER. That she is a danger to herself and others in her delusions and she seeks to undo every good thing I have today if I try to enter her world.

So - it is with a heavy heart I decide as my sister has decided years ago - to drop communication with my Mother completely.

It is not that I won't read what she sends. I want to make sure she is safe, but just not send any replies. My sister says she will respond to Mother on items that appear to need replies, for her safety - but that I do not need to.

Joshua from home & health is a very strong and good Christian who visits me 3 times a week. He said he will attempt to answer the messages she sends me in his name as he believes he can reach her - and perhaps he can. But as for me, I am out of the picture and it is final.

And perhaps this strengthens the bond with my sister, I don't know. I do know years ago we hated each other, my sister and me, and we did mean things to each other.

While we are years past that, old wounds are hard to heal. We each did our share of self-destructive behavior, we had our times in the mental ward, and a large part of that is the mental instability we both had received from Mother, not just by birth but by her upbringing and teachings.

Nonetheless I always welcome a visit when Emma requests it and now more than ever when she calls - I do and must call her friend in our ever dwindling and shrinking family circle.

Today in my decision, I miss Dad more now than ever. He alone truly raised Emma and me, and did a damn fine job of it too.

If there is any praise to be given, it should be to him for going against impossible odds and bringing up Emma and me entirely by himself, providing food, clothing, and shelter, our educational needs in the schools, and providing loving and nurturing family ...