Wit & Wisdom - November 3rd 2014

A Chapter by dw817

16 LESSONS I LEARNED IN MY 20's (more)

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W&W November 3rd 2014

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01. 16 LESSONS I LEARNED IN MY 20's

1. You're beautiful.

2. Despite what we've been told, you can't have everything in all ways all at once. Anything worth having requires a lot of work and time.

3. You must do what scares you.

4. Adult friendships require constant effort and time.

5. When opportunity knocks, you have to answer the door. And when a door closes, you have to open a window.

6. Go to therapy. You probably need it.

7. Strike a balance between saving and experiencing.

8. Make exercise a habit, like brushing your teeth. You'll be exponentially happier as a result.

9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

10. A drama-free and boring life is actually a great thing.

11. Know that everyone is fighting a private battle. Respond to rudeness with kindness when you can.

12. Your attitude is everything.

13. Be grateful. Don't take anything for granted.

14. Try not to make fear-based decisions, especially in business.

15. The effort it takes to be supremely organized with your paperwork is worth it.

16. Everything you think you know for sure will probably change. And that's okay.

02. Don't bother putting your hand over my mouth to shut me up. I will lick you.

03. Teenage post: I feel so helpless without a hairband on my wrist.

04. Calm down bro. It's P.E. not the Olympics.

05. I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter's date and he caught it. Told him it travels much faster after 10pm.

06. Being sick is just your body's way of saying you're way too awesome and you need to slow down so everyone else can catch up.

07. When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you have healed.

08. Whew, that was close. I almost had to socialize.

09. It's Tax Day ... This year I filed form 1040 BS !

10. Don't let anyone with bad eyebrows tell you how to run your life.

11. Maybe the wolf is in love with the moon, and each month it cries for a love it will never touch.

12. I admit my level of weirdness is above the national average, but I'm comfortable with that.

13. Keep calm and dream on ...

14. Turkey is coming. Get your fat pants ready.

15. I've lost people and found them again. The second time around, things just made more sense. Honestly, timing has a lot to do with everything. Sometimes you aren't ready for each other yet.

16. I love you so much my baby darling, but the second your Father comes home I'm gonna bust outta here like I'm escaping Alcatraz.

17. WAKE UP and WORK OUT !

18. There's no such thing as a mean dog. They are products of their environment. Cats on the other hand, can be real b******s just because it's Wednesday.

19. Two girls wear the same shirt: "She copied me !" Two guys wear the same shirt: "Bro !"

20. While work sucks the life out of us, why can't it take some of the fat, too ?

21. My relationship status is: Pajamas, Wine, and Netflix.

22. Attention shoppers: with Labor Day behind us, your favorite Christmas decorations will be going up in stores and malls tomorrow. Happy Hallothanksmas !

23. It's too bad we can't slap kindness into some people and stupid out of others.

24. "You should've come with us !" Well, inviting me would've been nice.

25. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable ? Like a coma.

26. THE REAL HELLO KITTY

Real Name: Kitty White
Born: November 1st, 1974
Birthplace: Japan
Favorite Food: Apple Pie
Height: 5 Apples
Weight: 3 Apples
Species: Japanese Bobtail Cat
Favorite Color: Red
Favorite Word: Friendship
Favorite School Subjects: English, Music, Art

Meaning Of The Bows:
Green is WISH.
Red is FRIENDSHIP.
Violet is SWEET.
Pink is CUTE.
Yellow is HEARTFUL.

27. I love how we can look at each other and without saying anything, know we are making fun of the same person.

28. Searching for 'elgooG' on Google with take you to a Google website that is completely backwards. [Link]

29. Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

30. It never gets easier, you just get stronger.

31. Teenager post. Whenever you walk into the doctors and they ask you what's wrong. You immediately turn to your Mom and she explains.

32. Screw work. I mean ... I still go though.

33. Love you Forever. Like you for Always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

34. Your drama does not pay my bills, therefore it is not worth my time !

35. Message for Dad: "Dear Dad, thanks for putting up with a spoiled, ungrateful, messy, bratty child like my little brother. Love your Favorite daughter, Emily."

36. If you're ever pulled over by the police at night, turn on your dome lights. It's a courtesy that shows you have nothing to hide, puts the officer at ease, and may help you get away with just a warning.

37. Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.

38. Each employee at Ben & Jerry's gets to take home 3 pints of ice cream a day.

39. Everything I used to do is now considered old school.

40. It's GREY in England and GRAY in America. Now you know.

41. Lord give me patience ... Because if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.

42. I know you're upset, honey. Why don't you post something passive aggressive in a Facebook Status and not explain the situation to anyone ? That usually helps.

43. Keep calm and LOVE rainy days.

44. You know what seems odd to me ? Numbers that aren't divisible by two.

45. I didn't change, I just found myself.

46. Marriage =IS= a fairy tale after all. It's just in reverse. You start out at a ball in a beautiful gown and end up spending all day cleaning up after little people.

47. Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you get rid of him for an entire weekend !

48. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

49. When does hibernation start cause I am 100% ready for that.

50. If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way MOM told you to in the first place.

Which of these can you relate to ?