Wit & Wisdom - October 20th 2014

A Chapter by dw817

01. PISCES + Gets along with many times of people. + A great listener with good memory (more)

Press CTRL = (equals) to increase the page size and CTRL - (minus) to decrease the page size

W&W October 20th 2014

Want to read this in a different language ?
Change the TO field to your own country after going HERE

[ CHOOSE A DIFFERENT SET ]

01. PISCES

+ Gets along with many times of people.
+ A great listener with good memory
+ Doesn't mind doing even the smallest of things to make someone happy
+ Talks frequently of their lover
+ Thinks they're right most of the time
+ Not very argumentative, but likes getting their point across
+ Doesn't like loud or boisterous people
+ Lover of music
+ Talks about their dreams and fantasies
+ Prone to nervous habits
+ Has mood swings and needs time along when upset

02. I don't have the energy to pretend I like you today.

03. Twerking and Selfie have just been added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed. [Link] This is why aliens won't talk to us !

04. I prefer books over people. I don't need therapy as long as I can get lost in a novel.

05. I'm very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity, and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.

06. Life without women would be a pain in the a*s, literally.

07. Keep calm and eat TACOS.

08. KILT. It's what happened to the last guy who called it a skirt.

09. I take for granite people's poor grammar. More pacifically, how there always thinking, "for all intensive purposes" is supposably correct.

10. And your teachers say, "I'm not going to teach this. You'll learn it next year." Next year your other teacher says, "I'll skip this. You should remember this from last year."

11. Housekeeping tip. Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. Thattaways if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

12. Having plans always sounds like a good idea - until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.

13. If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter. But if you continuously compete with yourself, you become better.

14. Duck Dynasty quote. When you don't know what you're doing. It's best to do it quickly.

15. Bravery is running in when everyone else is running out.

16. Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately - without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional, "pain relievers."

17. Staying up late every night. Regretting it every morning. And then doing it all over again.

18. Did you know that toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns ?

19. That moment when you're checking on your sleeping baby and their eyes open so you run before you make direct eye contact.misquoted.

20. Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

21. Her eyes have their own vocabulary. What a beautiful language to learn.

22. I'm rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.

23. Achy muscles from a bout of the flu ? Mix 1 tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30-minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief of aching muscles.

24. I cannot leave my bed. The blankets have accepted me as one of their own. If I leave now, I may lose their trust.

25. Sore throat ? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

26. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day, Mary, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break ?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

My wife called him a "butthole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So then she called him a, "doo doo brain." He finished with the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20-minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

27. The most attractive thing a man can do is exactly what he says he's going to do.

28. Honey remedy for skin blemishes. Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

29. Only your best friend understands that when you say, "I saw my boyfriend today" that you are referring to the hot guy that has no clue you exist.

30. Sorry, I'd rather stay home and nurse an unhealthy level of attachment to my dog than socialize with people.

31. A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.

32. Easy eyeglass protection. To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of crystal clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

33. Ain't nobody got time for all that.

34. I know it's really corny or whatever but if you call me your princess I'll be like 10x more attracted to you.

35. Cola cure for rust. Saturate an abrasive sponge with cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the cola is what gets the job done.

36. A semordnilap is any word when spelled backwards produces another word. Examples, desserts and stressed. Drawer and reward. Gateman and nametag.

37. There is a book on the shelf titled, "The History And Social Influence Of The Potato." Sounds like a thriller to me !

38. Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

39. Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than Butterflies.

40. 409 All Purpose Spray. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer. If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the bug spray. Try a spray of this. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

41. If you're big enough to belittle others, are you big enough not to ? -- my own quote

42. Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of glue-all over the splinter. Let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

43. You don't understand. I'm a natural worst-case scenario expert.

44. I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says, "Haha, good one !" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

45. I believe basic common sense should be taught in schools since it obviously isn't being taught at home any longer.

46. If chaos is a work of art, then my heart is a masterpiece.

47. Coffee keeps me going until it is acceptable to drink wine.

48. Because throwing things in the air is my thing.

49. DON'T YOU TYPE AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

50. I will ignore you so hard, you will start to doubt your own existence.

Which of these can you relate to ?