01. Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
02. Nothing haunts us like the things we didn't buy.
03. I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.
04. Meow Universkitty.
05. That unique face you make when the person you hate is talking.
06. According to my calorie intake, I need to be on the treadmill for 2-years.
07. There are 923-words that break the "i before e" rule. Only 44 words actually follow that rule.
08. Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Winnie: Me !
09. Ye are Blood of my Blood and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done.
10. Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty ? Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
11. I swear if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.
12. A princess does not place her weapons on the table !
13. Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him ? Louie: Because George was still carrying the axe ?
14. My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time.
15. No-one turns me on and off quite the way you do.
16. Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating ? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
17. The ultimate chick flick: Two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
18. God is making things happen for you. Even when you don't see it, even when you can't feel it, even if it's not evident. God is working on your prayers.
19. I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for a woman who will take your crap.
20. Procrastinators unite ! ... Tomorrow.
21. Teacher: Harold, how do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested ? Harold: A teacher.
22. Did you ever get the feeling when you think faith in humanity is restored ... then you go to the internet for 10-minutes and it's obliterated ?
23. Call me anytime you need to talk to someone who is completely distracted.
24. If by living the American Dream you mean paycheck to paycheck, then yes, I am.
25. Oh captain, my captain !
26. So let me get this straight:
1. Charlie Sheen can make a "Porn Family."
2. Kelsey Grammer ended his 15-year marriage over the phone.
3. Larry King is on divorce number 9.
4. Britney Spears had a 55-hour marriage.
5. Jesse James & Tiger Woods (whilst married) were both having sex with everyone.
But somehow it is the same-sex marriage that is going to "destroy the institution of marriage ?"
Really ??
27. I don't stalk. I simply investigate.
28. Lord give me patience ... because if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.
29. Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I do find back stabbing, lying, cheating, and screwing people over offensive, however, but not swearing.
30. I had plain greek yogurt this morning, then a small salad for lunch ... then I came home and ate the entire kitchen.
31. Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth. This has rarely been a good thing.
32. The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
33. Waiting is good. It means you are not going to die. The person you need to feel sorry for is the one who gets rushed into the ER and treated first.
34. Princess Bride: As you wish.
35. The real power of a man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.
36. We must all face the choice between what is RIGHT and what is EASY.
37. After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to the IT guy that I've successfully installed Java ... He hates me.
38. Gamer: I have raised empires to the ground, I have slaughtered dragons and explored faraway galaxies ... and you want me to do the dishes ?
39. If you met my Mom, you would understand.
40. The scary thing about dating is that you are either going to marry that person or break up. Or both. Could be both.
41. I've been reckless before. But I'm not a rebel without a cause.
42. It's always good to have a partner in crime. You need someone to blame when people start asking questions.
43. When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty, trust Him fully. Because two things can happen. Either He'll catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly.
44. Notice the people who are happy for your happiness, and sad for your sadness. They're the ones who deserve special places in your heart.
45. Yes, I know I can't sing. Yes, I'm going to keep on singing anyways !
46. Type in Google Search, "Do a barrel roll." (LINK)
47. It's so hard when you're in a cuddly mood and you don't have anyone to cuddle.
48. ♪ Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie ? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese. Everybody's looking for Stilton. ♫
49. Attention parents ! Unattended children will be given a Red Bull and a free kazoo.
50. OUR GENERATION
Our generation will be known for nothing.
Never will anybody say,
We were the peak of mankind.
That is wrong, the truth is
Our generation was a failure.
Thinking that
We actually succeeded
Is a waste. And we know
Living only for money and power
Is the way to go.
Being loving, respectful and kind
Is a dumb thing to do.
Forgetting about that time,
Will not be easy, but we will try.
Changing our world for the better
is something we never did.
Giving up
Was how we handled our problems.
Working hard
Was a joke.
We knew that
People thought we couldn't come back
That might be true,
Unless we turn things around.
(now turn it around, read from bottom to top)
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