01. Few people talk about how wild Capricorns can get. They have a wild side like nobody else. They are strong, exuberant, adaptable, and they readily accept the people around them and any situations that are thrown at them. They are never egotistical in their personal relationships and will always give more than they ask from their friends. They want someone loyal and can make them laugh.
02. Sunday ! Come back !
03. Missing someone is your heart's way of reminding you that you love them.
04. Friends knock on your door. Best friends let themselves in and raid your refrigerator.
05. My hobbies include: pinning pictures of home decor I can't afford, recipes I won't cook, and crafts I won't make.
06. Yet despite the look on my face, you're still talking.
07. When does hibernation start ? Because I am 100% participating in that.
08. How is it I detest every article of clothing I own, but when I go to throw something away, I develop this deep sentimental relationship with it ?
09. I love how badass we think we are when we're together.
10. Cartman says, "Screw you guys ! I'm going home."
11. Introverts unite ! Separately in your own homes.
12. You look at the world and continually try to imagine what it was like generations ago.
13. I've reached that age where my brain went from, "you probably shouldn't say that" to, "what the hell, let's see what happens."
14. If a woman is speaking and no-one is listening ... her name is probably Mom.
15. You're only as cool as the friends you hang out with ... and I'm awesome. You're welcome.
16. Out of all the lies I've told, "Just kidding !" is my favorite.
17. And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy, and your eyes sparkling.
18. I'm having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question.
19. The chills you get when listening to music are caused by the release of dopamine in your body.
20. In 2010 Tokyo officials went to congratulate the oldest man in the city on his 111th birthday. Instead they found a 30 year old skeleton. THe family as it turned out was still drawing off the pension he was still receiving.
21. The average NFL game features just 10-minutes and 43-seconds of action. Commercials account for nearly 60-minutes of the three hour affair. And When the networks are showing the game, the bulk of the time is spent either on replays or shots of players huddling.
22. Marie Curie's notebooks from the late 19th century are still too radioactive to be handled.
23. Your cat: Why do I feel so warm and fuzzy inside ? Because I ate your pet hamster.
24. I like you because you join in on my weirdness.
25.
Her: "Oh I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss."
You: "Aww ... your first kiss was in the rain then ?"
Her: "No, it was in the shower."
26.
If countries were classmates:
Australia: The class clown who makes everyone laugh.
America: The jock who loves themselves and secretly hates everyone else.
Canada: The nice person who offers to show you around on your first day.
England: The hottie everybody wants to bang because they are so polite and cordial.
New Zealand: Australia's littlest who is the only one who thinks Australia sucks.
The Netherlands: That high kid in the back that everyone just ignores.
France: The romantic who hangs around England too much.
China: The overly smart kid who puts their hand up for every question.
27. And when you hug someone, whisper in their ear, "*SNIFF* You smell different when you're awake."
28. Sometimes all you need is just $500 million dollars.
29. I would rather die of passion than of boredom.
30. After 100 years from now, Facebook will have 500 million accounts of dead people.
31. The 3 most common lies on the Internet:
1. I have read and agree to the terms of service.
2. Status: offline.
3. Yes, I am over 18-years old.
32. The average cellphone contains more bacteria than a public restroom's toilet seat.
33. You see your nose at all times, your brain just chooses to ignore it.
34. 99% of people backspace over their whole password when they just mess up one letter.
35. If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question.
36. Always remember that no matter how useless you feel, you're someone's reason to smile.
37. I'm not really a control freak, but ... can I show you the RIGHT way to do that ?
38. We should bury everyone upside-down so if they come back as zombies, they'll dig the wrong way. It's called thinking ahead guys.
39. We all have that one special high-maintenance friend.
40. When I was a kid ... my English teacher looked at me and said, "Name two pronouns." I replied, "Who ? Me ?"
41. I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor and think, "I'd tap that."
42. I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where sandwiches live.
43. Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything BUT THE DOG.
44. Cat ownership tip: Touch them on their nose to establish dominance.
45. Dad says, "Go ask your Mother."
46. I'm taking care of my procrastination issues. Just you wait and see.
47. In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria.
48. Raisin cookies that look like they are chocolate chip is one of the reasons I have trust issues.
49. You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you.
50. I am your Mom. Your argument is invalid.
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