01. In 18th and 19th century England, mercury was used in the production of felt, which was used in the manufacturing of hats common of the time. People who worked in these hat factories were exposed daily to trace amounts of the metal, which accumulated within their bodies over time, causing some workers to develop dementia caused by mercury poisoning. Thus the phrase "Mad as a Hatter" became popular as a way to refer to someone who was perceived as insane.
02. Feed a cold. Starve a fever. Give PMS ANYTHING it wants.
03. Go 24-hours without complaining (not even once). Then watch how your life starts changing !
04. Tall Girl Problem: Not being able to cross your legs under a desk.
05. Admit it. We have all tried to have a diary but failed epically.
06. You don't like the Hunger Games ? Here, have some berries.
07. It may look like I'm having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food I'm going to eat later ...
08. Short people problem: when people use you as an armrest.
09. What I do with every homework assignment. Google it.
10. Only two phrases can change a woman's mood ... [1] I love you, [2] 50% off.
11. Freeze MENTOS in ice cubes. Serve them time bomb sodas.
12. Child support is supposed to support your child. Not your shopping habits.
13. TI used sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
14. Coffee: A warm, delicious alternative to hating everybody every morning.
15. It's the freaking weekend baby, so I'm about to ... grab a book and read until I fall asleep.
16. Never push a person to the point where they no longer care.
17. "I want to hire employees who don't finish their work." said NO boss ever.
18. Dating criteria: Can you spell ? Can you read ? Do you know how to use 'irregardless' in a sentence ? You do ? You fail.
19. I may seem quiet and reserved, but if you mess with my pets, I will break out a level of crazy that will make your nightmares seem like a happy place.
20. I automatically dislike anyone with my name because it feels like a competition, and let's be honest ... you're not winning that.
21. I always say, "morning," instead of, "good morning," because if it WERE a good morning, I'd still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
22. Mom, what's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world ? I don't know dear, you'll have to ask Grandma.
23. It's not "throwing someone under the bus" if they were already tumbling precariously in that direction on their own.
24. You said, "to make a long story short," ten seconds ago. Seriously, wrap it the hell up.
25. Be patient with patients who are not patient.
26. Whatever floats your goat ...
27. Ready to play Pac-Man ? Go HERE and click INSERT COIN: http://www.google.com/pacman.
28. And then satan said, "put the alphabet in math."
29. My love life will never be satisfactory until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.
30. My diet can best be described as, "Unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
31. The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts while stupid people are full of confidence.
32. When a woman says, "What ?" it 's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
33. Random and happy - it's how I roll.
34. Aunt: same kids, no stretch marks.
35. Thanks for letting me drink more when everyone else thought I needed to be cut off.
36. At first I missed him. Now I am planning on all the amazing things I will do with my life now that he's not dragging me down.
37. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude and that's not my problem.
38. Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens all reflect the kind of care they get.
39. I was addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
40. Here's to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in souvenir stores.
41. Keep calm and let the storm rage on.
42. The word, 'phonetically' doesn't even start with an F. This is why aliens fly straight past us.
43. I'll just flip this omelette and - okay, now I'm making scrambled eggs.
44. If the clothes don't fit, they were ugly anyways.
45. There is a thin line between being sassy, and being an as_hole, and I cross it every day.
46. Facebook: Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.
47. Part of me says I need to quit drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
48. What if a ghost is in love with me and is using its powers to keep boys away from me ... because this would explain a lot.
49. Am I getting older or has the supermarket begun playing great music ?
50. Small Girl problem: when you sit in a chair and your feet don't touch the ground.
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