Wikipedia defines, “Dating” as:
”Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity
undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of each assessing the
other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a
spouse.”
What is covered in this document:
Location Of Your Date
Sharing Cost Issues
Time Availability For You
Are They Dating Others
Tidiness
Spouse & Baggage
Unbreakable Habits
Legality & Underage
Allure & Infidelity
Holding Hands
Hugging & Holding Each Other
Caressing Hair
Kissing, Not On The Lips
Kissing On The Lips
Who, What, Where, When, Why, How
What
I will not be covering is the Friendzone. If you are the in the
Friendzone with then you should be grateful you’re in the circle at all
and not stuck at home alone piddling with yourself.
So with that in mind, keep reading.
I
want to confirm with you now, I am not a doctor, neither a
psychiatrist, or even a dating or marriage counselor.
I am someone just
concerned at the preconceived notions I’ve seen the majority of “dating”
used for, and try to help you avoid some of the serious pitfalls that
can land you in terrible trouble later, not just with them, but their
parents, and possibly law enforcement.
First
off, you should understand that dating does not automatically entail
that you are immediately looking for a partner to marry and have kids
and live happily ever *blttzz*
No,
dating is for fun ! And sure, it can always lead up to other things,
but take it slow, find out what your mate likes and dislike first.
Explore this. I think you’ll have more fun finding out about each others
psyche before you proceed much further than that.
And
understand, dating can occur between two males, much as they may like
to deny it, between two girls, easier to understand, and of course quite
simply between a boy and girl. But there are a few things you should
remember.
What
are you dating for ? If you are dating just to get into someone’s
pants, while I cannot deny entirely you may be able to do this with an
unwilling partner, there are far reaching consequences described below.
The least of which is getting in trouble with them, their folks, and
ultimately law enforcement.
Hopefully not that.
No, I think dating is especially important for CONTACT. Not just
hand-holding, but if that is permitted, go for it. No, even just a
friendly handshake meeting each other, a cuff on the shoulder to
acknowledge recognizing someone, and so forth.
PLAN what you are going to do. Sure, dating can be messing around on
the couch but, once again, that can have consequences. Put together a
schedule of what you want to do. Have something enjoyable for both
parties. Don’t have one pay the entire way, have it go both ways.
If they can’t do that solely because they are a boy or a girl and
that is their only claim to requiring the other to pay, I would find
another partner. If they financially cannot, you should still consider
finding someone else. A GOOD date is one that can go both ways, you pay
sometimes, they pay others.
Women like to shop !
Well,
they do ! And that costs money. It’s pretty common for the B/F to pay
for everything, but ask yourself a question, why are you dating them ?
I
know it’s considered to be common for a B/F to buy things for the G/F,
but I want to clear up a few preconceived notions about this. It should
be fair, is my opinion on the subject.
If you are dating solely on the fact someone is young and beautiful,
realize something. If you know it’s temporary and you don’t plan to go
anywhere with it, well ― you’re on your own.
But if you’re dating to
find a truly meaningful relationship with a loving partner, go for
what’s INSIDE the person, and that can be VERY hard to find sometimes,
and often takes years of experience searching.
Almost
anyone can be young, (they have to be at some point in their life), and
most anyone can look great, or sexy or bodilicous, with lots of
vitamins, exercise, sleep, diet, proper perfume or musk, hair-color,
shampoo. If you’re a woman you can add nail polish, flattering sexy
skirts, thigh-high stockings, etc.
Face it, you look like a prostitute
or a muscle-builder, MOST folks are going to like it. But what does that
say about you ?
Now, I’m not saying this is detrimental to a date but if a B/F or G/F
is vain to the point THAT is their key attribute, their physical
appearance, then you’re probably not going to get much out of the date,
unless one of two things, you want to show your “buds” or “gals” what a
fox or stud you have with you.
The other being you’re going for the hope
of getting in their pants, still not a very good reason, described
below.
Find someone with similar interests and ask yourself, what kind of
person are you looking for ? We are all uniquely different in the
creator’s image, and very few of us ever share too many characteristics
of another, either externally or internally (in the brain).
Right,
so with the understanding there are literally HUNDREDS of people within
your area, start to focus on some important issues, and forgive me if
this sounds like you are buying a piece of real estate, but you DO need
to consider these factors when planning serious long-term dating or
relationships:
[1] Location, are they close to where you live ?
[2] Price, is he/she okay with sharing costs ?
[3] Busyness, do they have time for you ?
[4] Availability, how many people do they date ?
[5] Cleanliness, discounting body appearance are they neat ?
[6] Baggage, children, roommates, parents
[7] Unbreakable habits, smoking & drinking
[8] Legality, self-explanatory
[9] Allure & Infidelity
Let’s start with these.
[1] Location, are they close to where you live ?
Most
of us have cars or have some form of transportation to get us from
point A to B. If you’re date does not have this, then it could be
detrimental for long-term dating. Consider the wear and tear on your
vehicle if say you’re in Texas and they live in Houston and you want to
see each other every week. That’s extreme, but you get the idea.
[2] Price, is he/she okay with sharing costs ?
One
important question, is your date willing to share the cost of items
with you. Hey, it’s okay to buy a nice $1 gift occasionally for them,
there’s nothing wrong with that. No, I’m referring to the fact that they
spend $100 out of your wallet every time you see them, and that’s a
consistent pattern. Despite how desirable they may seem, this is not a
good date. I’m going to be firm on that.
[3] Busyness, do they have time for you ?
Even
when you’re not dating them, you want to call them up occasionally on
the phone and see how things are. If they are so busy they cannot find
the time to talk to you on the phone or can only see you in person once a
month, there’s a good chance that’s not to turn into anything very
serious unless their situation changes.
[4] Availability, how many people do they date ?
I
think everyone wants to date someone where they are ONLY seeing you.
While that may be possible, it’s not entirely likely, especially if they
are physically attractive and young, once again, these being
detrimental long-term if they are VAIN.
There ARE people out there not
dating, don’t ever tell yourself that you have no choice and MUST date
someone that is already dating other people.
Mind you, if you are good with the fact your date is seeing other
people, then that does expand your choices of people to flirt and
fraternize with. But remember, their B/F’s and G/F’s may also be
jealous, just like you, so consider that when choosing.
[5] Cleanliness, discounting body appearance, are they neat ?
Now,
I’m not saying people live in a pig sty or anything, but if you visit
them and nothing is ever cleaned up, everything is a disaster area, and
maybe you even see empty pizza boxes with a cold slice saved for a later
midnight snack sitting on the floor, ask yourself, do you really want
to date, long-term, someone that lives like this ?
And
by all means don’t make the mistake of becoming their MAID instead of
their friend because that could be all they are looking for if they live
in a mountain of mess.
[6] Baggage, children, roommates, parents
This
is a touchy subject. If someone appears perfect in every way,
especially physically, there’s a good chance they have baggage. That
they may have been in prison and have a criminal record, they may have
children they aren’t telling you about, they may have roommates but give
the appearance to live alone, have an ex-husband but tell you
otherwise, or even be married !
Be very careful here ! Some unscrupulous people are going to do their LEVEL BEST to hide stuff like this.
Hopefully there is shared honesty between the two of you.
[7] Unbreakable habits, smoking & drinking
To
my knowledge, no-one can quit smoking unless they have EXTREME
will-power and because of the large # of smokers still out there, it’s a
rare thing. Do you smoke ? Do they ?
If one is yes and two is no then
you might not get along for that reason, long-term. They’re not going to
quit for you, not the first time they meet.
Do they drink ? Social drinks, a beer when you visit or something is
fine. No, I’m talking about MARINATED dates. If they get themselves
drunk to the point you have to take them home and pour them out with a
ladle, ask yourself, do you want this long-term, as well ?
Maybe you do. Maybe you like taking advantage of a drunk date.
There’s all kinds of people out there. Just remember, they have to sober
up sometime and when they do, you had better not done anything untoward
or you could be in real trouble !
Other
habits include, of course, drugs, not the prescription kind, the kind
you buy on the street. Now, if you’re into that sort of thing, be my
guest, but I will tell you, if someone is involved in illegal drugs,
they are buying them from people that do handle guns and if you don’t
pack one yourself, that might not be a good reason to date long-term,
you have to decide. I’m only warning you.
[8] Legality
I
don’t know what the youngest age is for dating. I think if you’re 15
and they’re 15, you can go for it. If you’re 18 and they’re 17, I think
it’s considered illegal. This is tricky stuff !
Try
to keep it legal age which I think is 18. And remind yourself, if you
are dating an 18-year old and you yourself are 30 or so, they’re a KID
and as such, you’re probably not going to get any scintillating
conversation out of it unless you like talking about their school and
their teen interests.
CPT-Plaid, a friend of mine adds the following:
One must check state regulation on the subject, as legal age varies
from 14-18 in most states (I remember that Alabama has the lowest age of
consent).
Parents are the ‘legal guardians’ charged to take care of a ‘minor’
and are legally impowered to act in the ‘best interests’ of their
charge. Even if their child’s spouse is also underaged and consents to
participating in any physical act (they can have notorized statements
permitting kissing, but that statement is worthless because they are
underaged).
The parents can press charges against said spouse. I had a friend in
high school who when through these hoops several times, and (depending
on the judge) no sexual contact has to be made to warrant a restraining
order.
So
even if you date someone underage and you don’t do anything, they can
claim Jack Dempsey and still get you in a TON of trouble by their words
alone, and opens up all kinds of interesting blackmail opportunities, if
not by them, by anyone who knows, like relatives. If you’re having a
shady relationship, of ANY kind, you’re going to get hurt in the long
run or open yourself up for a world of hurt. Don’t risk it.
[9] Allure & Infidelity
This
is one of the strongest traits to consider in dating. If your date
literally blows you off your feet with their sexual allure and melts you
in your socks, then there’s a GOOD chance you’re gonna be paying for
everything, doing things you may not want, and close your eyes to the
top 8 IMPORTANT attributes we just talked about !
Think with your brain, not with your shorts !
Plenty of time for your shorts later, especially if you want long-term commitments.
Also realize, if they are a knockout, there’s a good chance you’re
not the only one they “do” this for, so you have the opportunity of
jealous ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, and the like. A sexually alluring
date is often high maintenance and generally expensive to boot. Watch
yourself, don’t expect miracles, and count your financial losses when
the day is over.
Ok, we’ve gone over a few points, now let’s consider the primary adolescent reason for dating …
SEX !
Yes, it’s come down to this. Whether it’s a one-night stand or
long-term, if it’s JUST for SEX unless you are both horndogs with no
commitments and the hell with the consequences, you’re STILL going to
run into problems. Bear with me on this.
Here’s a few interesting points you need to consider. And this is for
a WILLING date that does want to have sex with you, “go all the way.”
as they say.
Pregnancy. You get your date pregnant and you hadn’t expected to,
then she’s got all kinds of interesting ways of the government helping
her, and a great deal of them involve YOUR money (the boyfriend’s). One
minute of pleasure can definitely balance out to be a lifetime of
financial misery. Obviously this leads to things you may not want
including marriage, alimony, and palimony.
These are for LIFE, kiddos.
Know that there is no way to stop pregnancy at all with or without
unprotected sex. I don’t care if you take the condom and climb inside
the rubber casing, there is STILL a chance of getting her pregnant. And
EVEN if you don’t get her pregnant and she gets pregnant from some OTHER
boyfriend, she can claim YOU did because you WERE with her in a manner
conducive of it.
(I know legal testing can confirm this now, but you still have the
anguish of waiting for results, and the embarrassment if you were trying
to cover up you weren’t screwing him or her at all).
Additionally, know this, if you have sex with someone, you are ALSO
having sex with every single person they have ever had sex with. NEVER
FORGET THAT ! So if you are dating someone and you know they date other
people AND they have sex with you I GUARANTEE they are having sex with
them as well which means you are having sex with ALL OF THEM.
A gentle reminder to let you know what you are putting your thing into, or allowing others to put their thing into you.
Kind of takes the fun out of it I know, but our Creator had planned
for that thing to be used to make babies. One way or another he is gonna
get babies out of that crazy thing eventually. Try to make it the right
way.
Planned pregnancy.
Now,
there are STILL a large # of ways you can have fun with someone if you
insist on physical pleasure. I am going to mention the tamest to the
extreme, but still have the least chance of getting someone pregnant. I
am listing these ONLY IN THE HOPES of curbing unwanted teen pregnancies.
I don’t really fixate on any of these except the first one, holding hands, cause that to me is the greatest thing in the world.
[1] Holding hands, romantic
[2] Hugging, romantic
[3] Caressing each other’s hair, romantic
[4] Kissing not the lips, passionate
[5] Kissing the lips, passionate
Anything listed as romantic, you’re gonna be just fine.
[1] With
hand holding, make sure they have clean hands. Some people are very
critical about germs so that may not work with everyone. To me, it is
the single most important sign of love. Well, I’m hung up on holding
hands.
But don’t mind me …
You
hold someone’s hand, and you are showing you CARE for them. There is a
trust, a bond between the two of you. And support when you are scared or
feeling insecure about something or if you need guidance.
[2] Hugging.
You can release so much stress in each other with a good hug. Make it
long ones, give your parents a good bear hug and growl like a bear when
you do it. You’ll surprise them and still show your love for them.
Honestly people, there is so much you can do with hugging and in truth I
really see very little of it today.
[3] Caressing the hair or the head. Aside from
washing and brushing our hair, there is very little sensation that can
be matched by having a lover caress our hair, all over, right around the
sides of the temples, the ears, the neck. You can go crazy with this
too.
Focus especially right on the top, the scalp. While you can caress a
woman’s hair that extends down her back, there are no real nerve-endings
in the hair so keep it at where the body can feel it.
Anything listed as passionate is safe, but read the considerations and warnings.
[4] Kissing, not the lips. The hand, or the
neck, or the cheek. I’m going to mention early BAD BREATH will ruin any
chance you hope of kissing, whatever part of the body you are going
for. For God’s sake keep your mouths clean before you kiss. A
peppermint, mouthwash, whatever. A really good kiss can go a long way to
sealing a close friendship.
[5] Kissing on the lips. The importance of a clean
mouth is paramount now but KNOW that there is a rare chance to contract
diseases if someone does not have a clean mouth in some way.
Know that
when you kiss someone on the lips, you are kissing every single person
they have kissed prior to them thoroughly brushing their teeth. Kissing
is pretty common in the world though, so don’t worry about it too much.
Kissing can be done in so many different ways too. If you are slow
and deliberate and they are content with the way you are doing it, well
go for it kids. Kissing is still a very passionate sign of affection and
quite acceptable today, even out in public.
Phew ! Don’t worry, I just turned on the air-conditioner !
Okay
! You’ve got some of the basics, now let’s focus on the psyche, the
most important part of long-term dating. I’m serious about this. If you
don’t click on these, it won’t work. Trust me. What do you like ? What
do they like ? The easiest way to answer this would be the classic
questions.
Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How.
Who do they like ? Their friends, her
favorite actors, movie-stars, school buddies. The more interest you
express in finding out about your partner, the more they know you are
really interested in them as a human being and not as something to show
others whom you are dating.
What do they like ? Favorite food, movies,
activities. Treat them occasionally to their favorite food, if it’s not
expensive. Watch their favorite movie, especially if you like it too.
Spend some time doing their favorite activities. What would that be ?
Bicycling, shopping, surfing the internet.
Where do they go ? Favorite locations, restaurants,
friends’ homes, hang outs. Spend a little time with them at their
favorite places. Meet some of their friends there. Always share your
time so you give them a little of yours and they give you a little of
theirs.
When do they arrive or leave ? Schedule your times
so it’s convenient for both of you to get together. The weekend is an
obvious choice but see if you can see each other anywhere between
Monday-Thursday or even a Sunday. The advantage being, when you are out
and about, you will have less people shopping and milling about in the stores, in the
mall, and in the restaurants.
Get the WHEN worked out so it’s good for
both of you.
Why are they ? This is a difficult question. What
are they hoping to do with their life ? What are their dreams, their
fantasies, where do they want to be years from now. This one question is
pinnacle to all others. If you can find out what makes someone tick
then you are that much closer to their deepest desires and their
aspirations. Be part of them, hold a hand out for support and help them
with it, both physically and mentally.
How do they ? Also difficult. How do they go about
their lives ? Are you comfortable with this ? We each have the way we
make it from day to day, try and find out how they do it themselves. By
no means should you make any suggestions on how else to do it, but if
it’s detrimental, gently, as a friend, a lover, point it out to them.
Give them the opportunity to include you in their life-path. This is
what you want long-term.
I also can’t emphasize how important is to GET OUTSIDE. I’m no
mathematician but I suspect the odds are greater of you meeting a
stranger you will become friends with when you are OUTSIDE than if you
are cooped up inside your own home.
Looking to make new friends ? There are a great many places to find
them, and not all of them curtail bars and taverns. There are also
holiday parties, get-togethers, and if the church scene is not for you,
you can also become a volunteer for the community. That’s how I meet
many people myself.
Clearly, the more footprints you leave in this world, the better the
chance you have of someone noticing you ― and that someone will be a
person you REALLY would want to meet. And you wanna know why ? It’s
cause THEY want to meet you in return !
That about sums it up ! If there’s anything I missed, feel free to ask me.
I hope you learned a little bit from this, as I undoubtedly learned a
bit in writing it. Please, take care of yourselves, don’t spend all
your time alone, our Creator never intended that for us. There’s someone
out there for EVERYONE, and by all means, think of the LONG TERM
benefits as you date someone new. And see to it that they are looking
for the same thing.
And have a good (and safe) time out there people !
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
