01. In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder, bloodshed.
They produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and
the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, 500 years of
democracy, and peace, and what did that produce ?
The cuckoo clock.
02. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
03. Life is the biggest trap you'll ever get caught in because it's impossible to get out alive.
04. Inside me is a skinny woman trying to get out. I can usually shut her up with cookies.
05. Books do not pause to give a message from their sponsors.
06. Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
07. Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
08. Life isn't about what you take when you leave this world behind, it's what you leave behind when you go.
09. Money cannot buy happiness but it lets you be unhappy in nice places.
10. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists
or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
11. A non-smoking section in a restaurant is the same as a non-peeing section in a swimming pool.
12. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
13. I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. ― Woody Allen
14. If you're good just because it pays to be good, you'll be bad for bigger wages.
15. If it squirms it's Biology; if it stinks it's Chemistry; if it doesn't
work it's Physics and if you can't understand it, it's Mathematics.
16. The trouble with good ideas is that they quickly degenerate into hard work.
17. In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. ― Charlie Brown
18. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
19. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
20. A person who buries his head in the sand offers an engaging target.
21. It's better to be a lil bit crazy then a lil bit smart.
22. If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress ?
23. Hollywood: A place where they shoot too many movies and not enough actors.
24. When I grow up, I want to be a little boy.
25. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that it must be altered every six months.
26. I live for the nights I won't remember with the friends I'll never forget.
27. The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
28. I'll believe in colour television when I see it in black and white.
29. Marriage is a great institution but I'm not ready for an institution yet. ― Mae West
30. Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
31. It suggests that he is taking some kind of personal revenge on the play.
32. He's left his body to science and science is contesting the will.
33. Maybe money corrupts the character. But lack of money isn't going to improve it either.
34. Some of the new books are so down to earth they ought to be ploughed under.
35. Who wants to be foretold the weather ? It is bad enough when it comes,
without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.
36. A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
37. Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
38. Death is like a secret society, one hell of an initiation ceremony and no talking to non-members.
39. I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.
40. No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.
41. I'm not afraid of heights. I could stand down here and look up at it all day..
42. Men consider the 50-mile hike as training in physical fitness. Women merely call it shopping.
43. Our culture teaches us to buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.
44. Remember to always be yourself. That is unless you suck.
45. A conference allows a group of people, who singly can do nothing, to together decide that nothing can be done.
46. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance ?
47. One should never feel any discomfiture at being called a great person as long as he is also not called upon to prove it.
48. There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.
49. Some people always grab the stool when there's a piano to be moved.
50. Many a child who watches television for hours will go down in history, not to mention arithmetic, English and geography.
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