01. As long as there are tests, there will always be prayer in schools.
02. "Never use while sleeping." ― Instructions on ConAir Hair Dryer
03. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. ― George Burns
04. I finally found out how to make powdered water, but now I don't know what to add.
05. Mom + Dad + beer - condom = me.
06. Is it because light travels faster than sound that some people appear bright until they speak ?
07. Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.
08. Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
09. "Improper use may result in injury or death." ― Warning on a bathroom towel dispenser
10. I've got problems for your solution.
11. It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
12. Italians could not have described the word politics better. "Poli" meaning many, and "tics" meaning blood sucking creatures.
13. People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
14. Occifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God !
15. Why do we call something sent by car a "shipment" and something sent by ship a "cargo ?"
16. Pretend you're smart: use quotes.
17. If a mute swears, does his Mom wash his hands with soap ?
18. Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.
19. Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
20. Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries AND a Diet Coke.
21. Only in America can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an emergency ambulance.
22. Cancel my subscription cause I don't need your issues.
23. Don't breed them if you can't feed them. ― Bumper Sticker
24. Why is lemonade made with artificial ingredients whereas cleaning fluid is made with real lemons ?
25. I guess the one good thing about Alzheimer's is you get a chance to meet new people everyday.
26.
If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg ? You only
get laid once. You get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard, only 2
minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst
of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your MOM ! So cheer
up, your life isn't that bad !
27. Keep honking, I'm reloading. ― Bumper Sticker
28. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
29. I have the body of a God. Too bad it's Buddha.
30. Can't stop. Hammer time !
31. Library parking only. Violators will be held in low esteem.
32. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
33. I've seldom had such a wonderful time. Unfortunately, this isn't it.
34. "Be true to your teeth or they'll be false to you." ― Sign in Dentist's Office.
35. What did one tooth say to the other ? Brace yourself ! The dentist is coming to straighten us out !
36. Real eyes realize real lies.
37. Confucius say girl who sit on judge lap get honorable discharge.
38. I brake for tailgaters. ― Bumper Sticker
39. "Dad's goal: to earn enough money to live the same life as my wife and kids." ― Dad's T-Shirt.
40. The Mighty Oak of today was once a tiny little nut that merely stood it's ground.
41. It is better to have loved a short person than to have never loved a tall.
42. Everyone has something in common, they're all different.
43. It's sure been swell, but fortunately the swelling's gone down now.
44. This car protected by anti-theft sticker.
45. Our aim is to keep this restroom clean. Your aim would help this.
46. The great thing about being a pessimist is that you are either always right, or disproven to your benefit.
47. A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke ?"
48. "Smile if you're not wearing any underwear !" ― Bumper Sticker
49. "And I gave that man directions even though I didn't know the way, because that's the kind of man I am this week." ― Homer Simpson
50. All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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