The Concession Stand - February 4th 2013

A Chapter by dw817

Beetlejuice / Actium Maximus / Alien Dinosaurs / Satan's Little Helper / Toxic Avenger / Mars / Ten Commandments / Sphere / Betaville / First Men In The Moon / Passenger 57 / Wesley Snipes

The Concession Stand

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THE CONCESSION STAND
© February 2014 Written by David Wicker
Please do not reprint without permission

This will be one of my new Tuesday writings and I will add a listing
of 10 reviews each time I post an added chapter to this book.

These videos will be rated from 1-5 stars additionally.

[ CHOOSE A DIFFERENT SET ]

* * *

These reviews are Rated: EVERYONE

(92-minutes)
Fantasy, Comedy, Afterlife

(1988) BEETLEJUICE (PG)

[1] He's the ghost with the most, babe !

This off-the-beaten-track video is about a couple who find out later they are actually dead spirits from an unfortunate accident. To help them is the incomprehensible and incarcerated Beetlejuice.

Say his name three times and hold on to your hat as no expense is spared for crazy and zany special effects to follow his arrival.

Michael Keaton does an exceptional performance of this ghoul with the rules for their afterlife. So popular was this movie that a cartoon series was made additionally afterwards in honored tribute [LINK].

(unlisted running time)
Creature Feature, Sci-Fi, Troma

(2005) ACTIUM MAXIMUS:
WAR OF THE ALIEN DINOSAURS (NR)

[2] Yes, this film is definitely not the greatest.

But lets pull back for a bit and look at the entire picture. Mark Hicks, an individual, probably no older than 20 made this video, the sound effects, and the original music soundtrack. Not many of us can easily tuck that under our belt.

He had help with the special FX by a few friends, Mark DePierre and Genie DePierre. He had his (and others) costumes made by his mother, Hazel Hicks. Its a shame she made a skirt for him to wear in the video instead of pants but o-well.

A solid black suit without the frills would've looked better. My biggest disappointment was not in the effects and costume, which in many ways were better than some early B&W Dr. Who episodes, no, it was the story, and how it was presented.

The opening scene where he is talking with the critter, he could've just used an ominous shadow, and not show the critters until well past the middle of the film, as a surprise. The voice of the critter could be understandable (without the text-over) and just have a hint of inhumanity in it.

The 'singing' replies this thing did earlier just was not good any way you look at it. The critters were chomping on heavens-knows-what but they wouldn't be oozing blood and guts ALL the time like that. Save that for when someone or something gets munched by one.

So my rating is one star for having enough brains to put this together, though the story is quite weak. One star for almost correct usage of green-screen effect; you can see he painstakingly manually blotted out the area per frame to insert people into the scene - that's patience.

And one star for Troma Team Release Videos to actually consider it worthy enough to carry in their unique and mottled library. Definitely not the best film I've ever seen, but alternatively, definitely not the worst either. Hopefully Mark has improved his craft since then.

(100-minutes)
Horror, Vengeance, Halloween

(2004) Satan's Little Helper (R)

[3] Trick or Treat, viewers ! Evil has a new face, and its ripe for Halloween !

When a little boy imagines to find himself the real Satan to help remove a would-be boyfriend conflicting with his kindergarten love affair with a young girl twice his tween, the evil stranger does just that, and considerably more.

Changing from the guise of Satan to Jesus to confuse the little boy's moralities, he is cold, calculating, and highly intelligent in his evil ways.

The face of the killer is never seen, and his own costume placed on paralyzed others to let the boy's family do the killing for him thinking they are attacking the murderer. A definite psychotic wrapped treat with a bitter saccharin aftertaste.

(82-minutes)
Superhero, T&A, Troma

(1985) TOXIC AVENGER (R)

[4] OKAY ! If this is the pinnacle production of Troma Team videos, I am impressed - very impressed !

Definitely not for kids, this is one squishy nasty little film with lots of gross bits and tons of inappropriate conduct from drunk teenagers running down innocent civilians for bonus points to deep fat-frying human fingers. If you're into the splatter-fest horror films then you are in for a treat.

Lots of T&A scenes as well like most good horror flicks have. Excellent re-watch value; rare in most videos today, and quite memorable music throughout. If youre looking for a flick with comedic violence, cute sexy girls in all states of dress and undress, and tummy-turning gross-out scenes, then look no further, for The Toxic Avenger is here to save your day !

(unlisted running time)
Sci-Fi, Vengeance, Action

(1998) MARS (TV-MA)

[5] Ok, this was not a bad movie. Not bad at all.

However, I definitely dont need to see it again anytime soon. Maybe rate it PG-13 for excessive immaturity, however, it was a full video production; not done by a handful of teenagers as prior viewer ratings might lead you to believe.

Personally, I was impressed at the amount of props, effects, locations, plot, and ambience that went into making this feature. It has some nice hard-hitting action too and karate from Mr. Gruner, complete with gun and missile-launcher battles. Better rate it PG.

Definitely an action film in that respect. I think the little creep Buckskin that followed him all around could have some past-due corrective surgery done with a bullet to his brain as he was annoying as heck; seemed to be hyped up on pixie sticks, and was the only negative I saw in this production.

(93-minutes)
Satire, Comedy, Spoof

(2007) THE TEN (R)

[6] What a strange, confusing bunch of little happy, beautiful, and seriously mentally disturbed people.

This flick will definitely get points for originality and reaching well beyond uncomfortable subject matter. Definitely not for kids. Can't really say this video is for adults either

Somewhere, out there, are a bunch of professional comediennes cringing, wringing their hands, and hoping these odd folk don't visit them.

I think the most disturbing was the attractive young girl who was unnaturally aroused to the ventriloquist's dummy. Please get some therapy sweetie.

As for the video, yes, the bizarre cast do, in rather unconventional ways, give stories about the breaking of the sacred 10 Commandments in hilarious and surprising ways.

(134-minutes)
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Mystery

(1998) SPHERE (PG-13)

[7] This film has (had ?) the potential to be something incredible.

Unfortunately, despite the slick presentation in the beginning to draw in the viewers, it hits pure candy fantasy before even halfway into the video and loses track of what could've been an interesting story and premise of a mysterious underwater presence.

Outstanding effects, actors, and ambiance, all fall flat once they start communicating with Jerry, the underwater alien from outer space, which then later is found to be something even more unbelievable.

Dustin Hoffman, however, is able to save this video by doing a great job as a psychologist and explores the crew's reaction to the event, however.

(99-minutes)
Campus, Fantasy, B-Class

(2001) BETAVILLE (PG-13)

[8] OMG we are 8000 years in the future so it's high-tech rocketships and weaponry vs pre-teen kids at summer camp with only kissing each other on their minds !

If someone could find a plot in here I'd be very surprised. Usage of gasoline-powered motorboats and out-of-era automobiles for transportation instead of readily available and well-animated celestial teleportation, spiritual message bubbles, and spaceships which are ALSO seen in the video ?

Visual effects are the likes of Spy Kids 3, top-rated, unfortunately they are wasted severely on this terribly boring and random snooze-fest movie.

This could've been MUCH better. Might as well rate it PG since there is nothing to indicate or show undressed actors or adult language of any kind.

Disappointing: no rewatch value albeit NO watching value at all. Watch it all the way though and get rewarded with the MAKING of this disaster.

(103-minutes)
Magical, Fantasy, H. G. Wells

(1964) FIRST MEN IN THE MOON (NR)

[9] Disney should've had a hand in this film !

With the crackpot professor inventing a super-heated explosive substance around the 1900s that negates the effect of gravity, it was only a matter of time before he and two other hapless friends of his are jaunted into outer-space once his makeshift rocketship is coated in the substance.

For all this fantasy, it gets worse (or better depending on your view). They eventually find a large metallic door leading into the Moon itself and find not only moon-men but beautiful living-electronic scenes of motion and serious purpose of organized underground communities.

It is all very Disney-esque for the humor, much like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang but with some serious overthemes. While it's not rated, I'd give it PG cause it does show some moon-men tumble into some scary looking pits, and a scene that is tense where they are running away from the moon-men and don't look like they are going to get away.

Not entirely bad but also not good enough for a re-watch later. Uses a great big budget for special effects and costumes for it's time period. Still, it's fun to watch if you've never seen it before.

(unlisted running time)
Action-Adventure, Wesley Snipes, Airlines

(1992) PASSENGER 57 (R)

[10] This movie truly rocks !

Take one serious psychopath Charles Payne who is so sociopathic it seems there isn't anything he cannot achieve for the cost of peoples lives, and often does.

Then take Wesley Snipes, retired agent, with hard-hitting action against the best of the baddies that will leave you breathless for more. In every way an outstanding film not just for its in-your-face action but for drama, his tainted background, the depth of the characters he faces, and the subtleties of dark humor.

It's a rare quality when a film can claim re-watch value, and this one most definitely does. With Wesley in real-life outside of his acting career touting a 5th-degree black belt and applying that same lethal prowess towards this flick, this is one action film you don't want to miss !

Next Tuesday I will do 10-more dreams and alternative between this subject (my movie reviews) and that.