But it was not really
Heaven, but a POCKET of Heaven. And there was music and singing
that I heard (and I'll detail that later).
Inside the sphere both me and my mysterious friend are are
floating before what appears to be a large stained-glass window,
and it is clearly brighter than the sun, brighter than anything
I had ever seen, and yet in this brightness I can make out
facets in it, like diamonds miles deep.
And there is a "crystal-calling" deep within me, which I have
not felt for more than 2 decades. While my mysterious
friends stays where she is, shrouded in the violet fog, I reach
out to the stained-glass window, eager to touch it, and a small
piece of it, a crystal, yields itself to my touch, and appears
in my hand. It was flat and long like a tall dodecahedron.
Finally the other unknown person, seeing it appears relatively
safe, steps forth herself, still shrouded in the fog to hide her
identity, and pulls out a piece as well to examine, returning
back to where she stood originally to look at it.
I look to my own piece and see that it is beautiful beyond all
measure. It as if my eyes have been sleeping since I was born
and now they are awoken to see new colors that I had never seen
before. And like anything new, it hurt. The colors were so
unique and so incredible that it hurt my eyesight to look at
them. Clearly beyond infrared and ultraviolet and beyond.
Then the crystal changes shape, to one of an acrylic receiver
like from a phone. I laugh and oddly I feel it vibrating and can
hear a soft ringing. God is calling me, or something is.
Clearly. I pick up the receiver and speak quietly in it, "Hello
?"
There is a voice on the other line, but instead of it being
tinny like on a speaker it is deafening and booming and doesn't
even come from my receiver, "I am worth nothing and everything, little one, if that
is of use to you."
Clearly the Being read my innermost thoughts and realized, if at
even a small level, I was wondering how much the crystal I had
in my hand was worth.
I
set down the receiver back in my hand and it changes shape to
that of an empty bowl. I hoped it wasn't a symbolic meaning of
my spiritual growth, an absolute absence. But I answered the
Being nonetheless.
"Well, ahhm, I wasn't thinking of selling you, you know, not
really."
The being laughed but did not reply so I continued, "No, just
this." and I turned the bowl over to see the same complex color
latticework, lovelier than the brightest Mother-Of-Pearl and
more detailed than the veins of a leaf.
"It is beautiful." I finally say breathlessly. "This - you have
given me, is lovelier than anything I have ever seen."
There was a slight rumble of the sphere before the being spoke
again, "Then you may keep
it, little one. Only never never trade or sell it. Show
it to others if you like that I may see their Faith in me
through the eyes of the - " and the being paused for a
moment before finally saying, "crystal."
Clearly what I had was not crystal then but - something else,
and likely something more valuable than the likes of which
Mankind had never seen in his existence.
I
nodded and the voice continued, "I have called you here."
I listened but the voice didn't add anything further. I was
beginning to ask a question when the sphere boomed loudly this
time and I knelt down on the group to put the bowl between my
knees as I covered my ears.
Then the being spoke in a serious and commanding tone, "It is time." And as the
being finished His sentence, there was a crack of thunder above
me, as if it were possible for a storm to brew and collect
inside the sphere. While it was beautiful for me, a portal
opened up in the Sphere and I could see the Earth.
How - beautiful it appeared from space. I remembered the lyrics
to the song, 'God is watching us, from a distance.' Perhaps
there was something to learn from these words now ? Was it
possible that God, by watching us at a distance, only saw this
lovely shining marble in our galaxy.
He knew mankind was on it, likely perpetrating every crime and
then some. But He told Himself, it is okay. They are fine. But -
I am not going to look. I don't want to shatter the illusion. I
want to believe mankind is as beautiful as I made him so many
years and years ago.
Then suddenly the energy crackled above me again and hurled out
of the sphere to lash out like a tight-fitting vice across the
entire Earth and dissipated rapidly, although a slight tinged
blue glow continued to appear, as if the Earth were in a vice
now and awaiting judgement before it was squeezed like a
grapefruit.
I swallowed in fear and the being spoke again, quieter, "It is time - to start over -
this tapestry is complete. While there are a great many things
I do like about it and you little ones, there are far more too
many other things I =DON'T= like about it."
I kept silent and it was like an ancient glowing scroll appeared
before me and my guest. "There
were only two things I asked of you, and you could not follow
either of them."
Then spidery writing appeared in the scroll, as if it was being
burned by the power of the sun itself. Two lines of text
appeared as the being remained silent in their writing.
1. You did not listen to my
ancestors.
2. Their commandments were not
followed.
Being explained, "While I
do love you all my children, I am - disappointed. As a Father
may be disappointed about His own children who did not listen
or obey. And I have long been absent from you. Mankind is long
overdue for DISCIPLINE !"
Suddenly the 'vice' around Earth tightened and while I couldn't
see it, I could sense it, several millions of people screaming out
for mercy from the unknown energy band around the planet.
I had to say something ! "Well, God, I - "
But He interrupted me, "You
may call me that if you wish."
I paused in my thoughts, "You mean, you're not God ?"
"Proceed !" the
being spoke angrily, clearly losing patience with me.
"Well, ahhm, God, does this mean we are all doomed to
everlasting damnation then ? There's nothing we can do about it
?"
Then the being chuckled slightly and I smiled, glad that we
weren't toast just yet.
"Nothing so serious as
that, little one. While there is most definitely a hell, even
with the heavy load of sins you believe to carry yourself, it
does not justify all that you see foreboding before you."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Being continued, "No ! Hell
is reserved for those truly unpitying people, those murderers
who feel no shame or remorse and will murder again. For those
manipulating others humans' emotions year after year with
subtle tortures to drive them - as you call it - crazy. That
is evil. That is real evil in your world. It has it's place.
And it's place is not mine ! NOT in my Kingdom !"
I nodded for the being to continue.
Then He sounded happier, "No
! in fact, I am very proud of you, little one." and the
crystal bowl that was upended in my hand suddenly bounced out of
my open palm and soared quickly over to my 'friend' as if to
survey her. When I looked down at my palm again, I saw the bowl
was still there as if it had never left. For a moment I wondered
just WHO He was proud of. Me or my mysterious friend.
"How so ?" I
politely inquired to see if I could get the answer to this.
Being then thundered His voice, "Unlike others that sin and feel no shame or remorse,
you DO sin, and ask forgiveness, and acknowledge TO YOURSELF
that you are human, and will undoubtedly sin again and will
UNDOUBTEDLY ask forgiveness again."
My bowl suddenly turned back over on it's own, still showing it
was empty as He continued, "You
have come to terms with your frail mortality, little one; your
very marked and limited humanity. And you didn't feel the need
to receive my blessing of eternal life because of the
self-persecution you constantly and consistently place upon
yourself."
Then his voice echoed as if it were an 11th Commandment added to
the known 10:
It is those who do not ask
for me are those who will receive my Blessing. And those who
DO ask for me to help them in their hour of need will
receive my SILENCE and NOTHING !
I tilted my head at a quizzical angle, not really understanding
the logic of this.
He lowered his voice and continued, "It is this humble act that places you very much in
the palm of my
hand."
I look around and suddenly realize that I am no longer standing
on the surface of the Sphere
but someone's very LARGE palm of a hand, not black, not white,
clear, like crystal. Curiosity overcoming my fear, I bend down
and touch the palm, realizing it is flesh like mine, but I smell
something like wonderful Sandalwood besides.
I felt comfortable He was talking about me now. The being
continued, "Further, unlike
others that have either accepted or denied their Faith
completely, you are one that has questions, questions outside
what any amongst you can answer."
And then I hear Him rumble with laughter, "And I do so like a good challenge."
So as I'm listening, for just a moment, I'm not afraid. I wonder
- just wonder if God, He, this being, is naught but Man but in a
different light, a different spectrum, as if we sometime in our
own future might make a lesser man in our own image ? That hurt
my head to think about it.
But I had a more important question right now, "What of the
Earth, God ? The tapestry, you said it is done ? Can it not
continue ? Perhaps mankind can change ? We could - "
But the being interrupts me and his tone of friendliness quickly
changes to one of condemnation "No ! It cannot continue. The tapestry is DONE !"
The 'sky' above me crackles with thunder and a beautiful rain
falls. And the rain is healing. As if water in the world I was
clearly had to be the most pure substance in all the universe.
Just then the empty bowl I had been holding all this time had
something appear in it. At first it appears to be a small
pebble. Truly inferior to all the glory around me. But then it
shines with an inner light. And grows slightly. Little rivulets
of blue and green encircle it in lovely detail. In a short
amount of time I realize that I am witnessing the birth of the
Earth !
It passes so rapidly. Peering down I look and see tiny movement.
Clearly the dinosaurs roaming the Earth but also strange
creatures that mankind has never cataloged before. Then smaller
dots. I look harder, which shouldn't be possible considering the
Earth was only the size of my hand but I see monkeys and other
small animals filling the Earth.
And then there is a massive meteorite, like a hologram, which
smashes into the Earth, but this is not the Ice Age, something
... else. All the animals change. The strange creatures start to
take familiar shape. It is as if the meteorite is a catalyst of
radioactivity, of CHANGE. I - don't know who sent it or why but
I feel in my bones that it was not an accident.
And then the monkeys change too. And become ... man. And then
mankind has his petty squabbled. Clearly at first it is the
cavemen who believe the lightning in the sky is a sign from the
spirits, and others believe that it is a naturally occurring
science. And WAR breaks out.
Terrible - bloody - war. Of all kinds. War over beliefs, war
over territory, war over property, war over the most
insignificant of things it made me wonder if all the great
generals in the world were not so much infantry and infantile. I
laughed at the notion, but from what I saw, I fully believed it,
especially right now.
And then it was as if the bowl cracked around me, and I cried !
I cried for the bowl, I realized now the bowl was not so much a
piece of God as it was a piece of me. The deep within me, that
cried when others were hurt, cried when others were abused. I
cried more for the hurt of others than the hurt I received and
ignored and that was the deepest sorrow of all.
I saw terrible terrible things then. All of life's atrocities,
all throughout time.
Someone being force fed in pieces into a wood chipper. Someone
getting run over by a car and the driver backs up again to make
sure to finish the job. Someone being mashed up in a trash
compactor.
A young underage girl being bloodily killed and raped, in that
order.
I wasn't the only one suffering from watching this. Being's hand
around me, the sky, all the beautiful colors, began to fade.
Darkness started to swallow everything up and I felt the
darkness touch me, and BITE me, as if my soul was a savory thing
for it to devour and consume and digest and later expel out of
it's rectum into the void.
I bit my lip so hard it bled and I cried out, "Please don't
leave me !"
But my plea was not answered and the atrocities of mankind
swirled out of the bowl, to hit me, in my heart, in my head. I
heard the whirr-chk-chk-chk all over again. The mathematical
perfection of evil, the calculation of absolute emptiness, and
the screams of the damned.
The bowl was glowing red-hot in my hands now but I continued to
look into it and fear and lamented what I saw.
Suicide ! Someone was committing suicide by letting a train run
them over. Someone committing suicide by jumping from a tall
building. Then someone was selling bloody human body parts in a
remote city, far from where I lived. A woman with jet black hair
and defiance met the guillotine. Someone was paralyzed in war
from their wounds, yet continuing to live, and were buried
alive.
A malformed baby was being born from a drug-addicted mother.
I couldn't take any more of this ! I shrieked out loud, "No
more, please !"
And ... it only stopped, when I wept into the bowl. The bowl
collected my tears. It was if a forest fire totally out of
control had large water drops from the sky fall, to cool, to
quell, to calm, the fury of what we call the darkest of mankind.
But the bowl is not fully healed.
The cracks remain, the scorch marks remain, and even though I
have cried enough to fill several tablespoons, the bowl DOES NOT
HEAL.
But fortunately, the light around me returns. And I shiver, it
was as if I was so cold, as if I were already dead myself
without the healing light. And I felt an odd strength within me.
As if for a moment I shunned all of mankind. For the first time
I felt judgmental ! Me ! Of all things. I wanted to punish
mankind for all his crimes against each other. Peace-loving that
I was.
For a moment I realized something. Being, God, whatever it was
whom I was talking to right now. =DID= have absolute compassion,
did have absolute love, but it could be tested. And what better
way to stretch it than with the contemptuous acts of mankind.
And in that thought, that truly showed me just how corrupt
mankind was that I, as much as I kept my head buried in the
sand, =I= wanted to do something about it.
I cried more and the bowl dissolves around me, like spun sugar,
it's course run true.
I see the familiar hand beneath me, holding me, supporting me.
Apparently having never left, if only the being blew out a soft
candle so the shadows could frighten me. Like a small boy just
out of his diapers. The darkness frightened me. And my Father
was showing me the darkness at the most loving and gentle level
imaginable. I felt so very and terribly vulnerable at the clear
kindness he shown me.
The wisdom. The way the world really was. And I most definitely
was NOT ready for it. I cried. I wanted to stay in the playpen
that this being made for me. I wanted to stay forever and NEVER
learn any more about man and his atrocities. I wanted - forever
- to be innocent.
And I believe that was the lesson I was to learn.
Seeing I had His audience again I spoke wiping the tears from my
eyes, "I'm sorry, it's just, I can't, watch, these. They are SO
wrong."
The being spoke and if I could sense a smile in His voice, it
was now, "You know, I feel
the same way, little one."
"WHAT ?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing ! God ?
All-powerful God was frightened of man ? That - made no sense at
all ! I mean, if He was all-powerful and all-knowing ... but
then for a moment I realized, maybe that is =OUR= interpretation
of the truth and not the truth itself.
Being continued seeing I was eager to learn the answer to this
paradox, "Understand,
little one. Sometimes I am not there in these situations as
well. If there is GREAT evil, then I may not WANT to be there.
They bother me, and my light may not shine for these events.
It is regrettable, but I am only - "
And then it is as if there is a 2nd voice, not the being's. And
for a moment I see MILLIONS of God or Gods. As if my tiny human
brain could not comprehend what it saw. And =ONE= of them
approached the one speaking to me and whispered in His ear.
Clearly to NOT say something. And because of this, the being did
NOT complete His sentence. Leaving me to wonder what the
conclusion to the sentence would be.
"Forgive me." He
said. "You - are not ready
for this yet."
Finally the being spoke again, "Little one, please understand, I DO care and DO love
you all, but
I too am enriched with
human emotion. Something you children may not have ever
considered. I too, feel love, hate, sorrow, repulsion, anger,
and curiosity."
As He spoke the bowl re-appeared in my hand. And I realized now
if I didn't realize it before, the bowl was a mirror, a way of
seeing myself for somehow I was linked and am linked to all the
people in the world and am also linked to every living thing,
including the being, including the being that spoke to Him, and
including all those other beings I did not understand.
And the bowl was only empty because my eyes could not see that
it was in fact, filled. But I was blind to this.
And then the being spoke in a more serious voice, "Watch, little one. The loom of
your world has long since grown ancient with dust and decay.
Watch - as the tapestry is unwoven .... !"
END
OF CHAPTER 3
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