Jun 23 2013

If I hadn't told you, Chris's Dad is in the hospital. He is suffering from dementia and me and him went to visit him last Sunday. Usually I visit Chris on Sundays so we got together again this week.

Jun 23 2013     Want to read this in a different language ? Change the TO field to your own country and click the TRANSLATE button after going HERE If I hadn't told you, Chris's Dad is in the hospital. He is suffering from bad dementia and me and him went to visit him last Sunday. Usually I visit Chris on Sundays so we got together again this week. He was telling me that he was trying to find a nursing home that had good security. I asked was he afraid that someone was going to break in and steal his Dad's stuff ? He said, No, he was afraid his Dad would break OUT. That's something I hadn't considered. * * * I know when I visited Rose's Mom over at Mansfield Nursing home years ago, there were all kindsa friendly folk and a few of them even said I was their son. I try to be nice to everyone I meet so I didn't disagree with them. Anyways, one fellow seemed determined to leave who had a bandage on his head. He was in a wheelchair and was quite insistent with me it was his time to leave. Since it was my first time to visit a nursing home, I opened the exit door for him and watched him hurriedly wheel out. There was a nurse there who suddenly stomped up to me and she raised her voice at me and said, "What are you doing !?" I answered simply, "He wanted out so I let him out, ma'am." She was cross, "Just a minute." and went outside to retrieve the guy in the wheelchair. He was yelling at her but she was very kind I noticed and brought him back in. Then she wheeled him past me and said, "You stay here, I need to talk to you for a minute." Man it felt like I was in trouble at school or something ! But I replied quietly, "Okay." Then she came back. I didn't know what I did wrong ! And - I guess at a level she realized this. Both me and her were quiet for a minute. I guess she was trying to think of something to say, finally she spoke. "What's your name ?" "David" "David, is this the first time you've been to a nursing home ?" "Yes." "Did you come alone ?" "No ma'am, I came with Rose. She's seeing her Mother." "I see." She leaned back and pulled a cigarette from her apron and put it in her mouth. She didn't light it though but just chewed on it. I could tell she wanted to smoke it but we were in a sorta hospital and even I knew that would be against the rules. "Look, David, these people - are not entirely right in their heads. They're good people - all of them, but they all want to go outside." "So why don't you let them out ?" I asked. "It's not that simple. If they go outside, they're going to get hurt. They're not entirely aware of where they are." "He seemed to know right where he were." She got cross again and took the cigarette out to face me, "Please let me finish. That was Jonathan you opened the door for. He has - " and she paused in her thoughts, "escaped several times now. He has also gotten himself hurt, that's why he was wearing bandages." I stayed silent, she put the cigarette back in the cleft of her mouth and continued. "My job is to take care of the people here and make sure they don't get out." "Don't you ever let them outside ?" I was curious now to know if these people ever saw sunlight. She nodded, "Sometimes, David, but they are supervised then. We don't have enough staff to let them all out at once." She knew I had a bunch more questions but she finished with. "If you let these people out I'm going to lose my job because I am here to make sure they stay inside, understand ?" "Okay." I said. I started to ask another question but she wouldn't let me and interrupted. "You don't want me to lose my job, do you ?" "No." She took out the cigarette and put it back in her apron, concluding the conversation. "Good. Let's find - Rose - and see that you stay with her." I didn't know what room she was in but finally we found her. And - I had my first experience of nursing homes. * * * We came every week and I read to her. Mostly Winnie The Pooh as I fully believe a lotta people have never read the original by A. A. Milne and if they are in their final days, which her Mom was - they deserve to have a nice wonderful story like this to remember when the rest of them is failing. Phoo, I'm a little emotional, gimme a sec ... * * * OK, well now I do remember years after that, I was in the ward for psychiatric examination and there was a woman there screaming, "I want to go home - I want go home !" over and over again. I didn't interfere as she really sorta scared me. I learned that as a kid, you should never try and take on the responsibility of an adult especially if someone else was licensed or hadda specialty in that area. Finally one of the staff, a woman in her 30s like me at the time, went over to her and leaned on the side of her wheelchair to look down at her and said as nicely as she could, "Honey, you are home. You are home now. Everything is alright. Okay ?" I watched this for a bit. All the agitation in her face suddenly drained away. She was quiet then, "Home ?" The staff woman patted her on the back. "That's right honey, you're home, don't you remember ?" She stayed talking quietly to her for a bit and then I heard this very heavy metallic door open and something about a feeling of impending doom, footsteps, and a flash of light - I don't remember much more of that scene as I was in a bad state at the time. * * * But I do understand the importance of comfort, of security, of letting someone know it is going to be alright. As my Mom said, thoughts are things. George Carlin says he doesn't worship God cause he can't see God but he does worship the sun cause he can see the sun. I think this is similar. If you are agitated in your head into believing something bad and someone comes to you and can convince you otherwise, even if it's not true, it doesn't matter. They are doing a world of good for you. More and more as I get older I firmly believe, "What you don't know can't hurt you." And while I can't claim to entirely understand dementia, I do understand hallucinations. I know better now when something is happening and it's not really there. I used to have problems with this, but I don't as much now. * * * Like there was the time last week, when I was with Chris and his Dad and we were back at the hospital. He was in bed and told Chris that he was going Ice Skating and did Chris want to go with him. And Chris said sure, and then his Dad leaned back - and I guess - he was ice skating then. He has Parkinson's, the same thing my own Dad died of 3-years ago. * * * But back to yesterday, I understood what Chris was saying now. He didn't want his Dad escaping cause he did actually get away several times at the hospital - and - well I'll just say he got into a lot of trouble and that he thought he was entirely somewhere else. Today (Monday) Chris said he is going to be looking at some more nursing homes and I offered him to call me and we can go together, but he hasn't called, and that's fine - that gives me a chance to write all this out. After Rose headed out yesterday I called him and that evening we went to Del Taco. My own digital camera is in pretty bad shape. I told Chris I'd like to have a photo for my new friends in Writer's Cafe so he said, okay, and took this one with his own camera: Today he Emailed it to me along with another (below). And I guess I have a lot still to learn about elderly, dementia, and trying to understand what happens when the mind starts to fail. I know my own Dad said and did some very strange things - and it really hurts to watch it happen. But no-one lives forever, not really. I mean I'm 46 today, almost halfway through my life and I know I still have a long ways to go yet. I guess that's why it's so vitally important to spend every minute, every hour, and every day with our loved ones. Cause you will need these wonderful memories later in life to carry and support you through the difficult and lonely and painful times that await all of us - in our Autumn years ... Return back HOME   You are Earth Visitor #

Reviews

[Prritiy]

good journal. you are a keen observer and learner too who is still a kid at heart and that's good :)

i too had experience of spending time with my grandma in her last few years and during her couple of last months she had loose motions and she couldn't control or whatever.... and used to spoil her bed and smear herself too.... though generally it was my mother who cleaned her i remember once i cleaned her when my mummy was not at home.... don't know how but she has smeared her legs and hands and strangely too.... it seemed she had done it purposely as the area in hands and legs where her potty was smeared couldn't have done if it was not done purposely... but i cleaned her and she was happy too that i did it nicely... but it was only once i did.

anyways you write nicely.

your t-shirt shows You Are a kid at heart :)

best wishes

[dw817]

Chris's Dad is a bit like this now. The poopy-bag thingie. He was in the nursing home but is back home again. One problem he has that is unusual, he cannot taste food. Something to do with brain damage. Wow. As it is he is really thin. He's great to talk with, lots of fun, like Chris, just - can't taste food.

As you can see that's notta problem with me. :) As for T-Shirts, I made a few onetime for a T-Shirt competition. And while I didn't win I kept the designs anways.
http://bit.ly/1g1s4wm

[Prritiy]

Wow its wonderful work, you are an artist. :) And the description too :)

[dw817]

I didn't do the art for Barrier, that is CPT's fine work. I can definitely do things that are mathematical or derivative in nature, however.

[Prritiy]

ok :).....

[Angelphires]

Wow. This was a very moving story. I love the structure, its easy to follow and gives great description without giving away too much. I can relate a little as well. I remember my grandmother and visiting her almost every weekend as a young child before she died. I hated the vibe I got from the nursing home...the smell, allthe nurses and medical staff, watching other people in the halls. I have mixed emotions so I can relate a little bit. Very good though!

[dw817]

Actually this is a BLOG. I know there is a blog ability in WC but it has even smaller margins than these. What I REALLY wanted was full-screen all the ways across, but - doesn't seem to wanna so I guess not.

There's a chance I'll be seeing Chris again Thursday to help him with his Dad. Tomorrow I'll be seeing my own doctor and my sister out in the country.

As for the ambience and atmosphere in a nursing home and hospital. It doesn't really bother me. I know when I was in the hospital and ward myself I did my very best to behave, never fight the staff, and always do as I was told - so I made my stay an enjoyable one.

[Angelphires]

Oh, sorry. It kinda sounded like a story of some sort. lol. Yeah, hospitals are okay..just have some weird memories of them so its all kinda weird. You write really well, I'm curious about your stories you have posted up.

[dw817]

Wow, I'm on Seroquel and one definite side-effect it has with me is I lose track of time and days. Today is TUESDAY, not Wednesday. Today I need to work on the Writer's Cafe Wizardry.

Glad you like my writing ! If I find some time, I'll pull out some archived blogs, one of which talks about my Dad's ashes launched into space on the Celestis Space Flight (the same as James Doohan - Scotty from Star Trek). My Dad pioneered space travel by working with Sam the Monkey and preparing him for space flight originally at General Dynamics back in 1959 (now today called Lockheed).

[Hatchling]

Awesome write. Im glad I read this

[dw817]

I'm glad you could visit ! *Grin* While I can't promise a BLOG entry every day, certainly when I get out and about I'll try to. I have a WHOLE BUNCH of blogs archived from Xanga and likely over time I'll filter them into here. Once again, thanks for visiting !

[MandaBear]

Very nice story! I didn't know anyone with dementia but I am sure it can be hard on them and the people that are going to take care of them. I hope everything goes well with your friend Chris.

[dw817]

Chris offered me to try and take care of him - but I'm not a professional or anything and - well, he's had a colostomy cause he has colon cancer and I don't know much about that either.

I can read Winnie The Pooh to him, but Chris said no, he needs more than that, so he's going to see if he can get a professional caretaker or put him in a nursing home, one of the other.

You know Amanda, in many ways a lot of us are really blessed in our lives.

I mean I have all my limbs, I don't have cancer or anything, and while I'm seeing a doctor for Kallman's and Anageria and schizophrenia, I'm fully capable of coherent thought. I have good friends I see every week, and I'm not getting beat up and stuff in school anymores (which I really like), and I'm retired - so it's all good.

Chris kinna likes to take care of things on his own so I may not hear from him until next Sunday. I visit my sister out in the country this Wednesday after seeing my doctor and I see Loretta from the government Friday, so I definitely have it better.

I know many of those people in the Mansfield Nursing home, they were very upset. No-one was visiting them, they were like sorta abandoned I guess and no relatives came and several said I was their son and could I take them home now and - that's really makes you upset when you think about it ...

[MandaBear]

True that! Well I wish you both well anyway!

[dw817]

... I may be spending several days with his Dad when he gets back home. I'm retired, Chris is not - he has to get back to do his job - and me, I have free time so he thinks it would be a good idea if I could keep an eye and tabs on his Dad for the next few days as he gets medical stuff worked out.

I was just now talking with Rose on the phone and - she's against it. But I'm thinking - I really wanna help here.