The Unanswered Question

I made a mistake today my friends. I looked at the pictures of my once beloved and fell into this lament. I hope you enjoy it.

Why did I do it

I knew what would happen

Yet some sick twisted portion

of my own soul beckoned me

 

Like the Mosquito the the bug light of death

I was drawn to your picture

I wanted to see if you had changed any

Yes you have Yes you have

 

Why did I look

Now I can remember holding you close

Feeling you in my arms

My heart at rest

 

My heart at peace

I can not stand this feeling

Oh the pain within is too deep

I thought it was gone

 

I thought it was gone

I guess it was hiding

stalking me like a lion

waiting for a moment's weakness

 

To launch from hiding and devour

I just said the other day our love is dead

I just led to myself saying it was all over

How can you smile like that in your picture

 

How can you look so beautiful even now

I know your face the smile is real

At least what passes for real for you

Ah those words were bitter I know

 

I am sorry for them

It pains me to leave them but I must

I have to tell the truth

It is all that remains

 

You are so sweet and pure

It is easy to see why I loved you

I remember when your kind eyes looked on me with favor

I remember the words you once said

 

I love you

Within hours you took it back

I felt complete

Then I felt nothing

 

Your lasts words to me killed something within

More accurately they mortally wounded my love

I fought to hold on to it

I loved our love

 

I wanted to marry you

You had already said yes

We were hunting for our nest

Children's names hung in the air

 

Oh the dreams I dreamt for us

Oh the dreams we shared

I rant now like a drunkard

I cry out like a fool

 

But you have turned all my wisdom to folly

I am nothing now

I want to be whole

I want to love again

 

I have tried several times since you left

A kind heart and a pretty face

A number I will collect

Calls and banter are exchanged

 

Yet it always ends the same

I am fine with them until I see your face

I remember what we shared

The memory of you drives me from new ventures

 

I see that my hopes are nothing more than a mirage

Lacking the substance we once had

Tears well even as this phrase I pen

Why I say to you

 

Why I cry out once more

You will never answer I know

I do not seek comfort from you or understanding

You feel as much empathy for me as a worm underfoot

 

I am nothing in your eyes

Why do I still care

Why do I still wonder if you think of me

If you were my ring

 

If you ever feel sorry for all that you said

Why does it matter

I know you aren't coming back

Yet you haunt my dreams

 

You came to me from your abode

I told you of my love and you accepted it

I awoke to this real world where you will not even be my friend

Never will these words be seen by your beautiful eyes

 

For me a tear will never moisten your cheek as you feel my pain

I thought this was all done

I dont need this anymore

Why are you still here

 

In body you have been gone for a while

Yet your memory lingers on

Your voice is in my head

You said I love you

 

I know you did

You even wrote it down and sent it to me

I still have the perfumed letter

I dare not read it

 

What you once meant as a blessing would curse my sanity

How can a man face losing love

How can you take it away

Is love something you can turn on and off like a switch

 

why did I ever send you a message

Why did I fall for you

Why did I love you

Why did you run from my love

 

I wanted to carry you across the threshold as my bride

I had imagined the bliss of our wedding night

It seems strange to me that we will not have the same wedding night

Each of us shall embrace another

 

Why did I have to give you my heart

I gave freely only asking for yours in return

I thought  I had yours

You said it was mine

 

I ask you now to only be fair

If you will not give me yours

Release mine forever from your so called love

Let me forget what we once shared

 

Don't keep my heart as your prisoner

Let me have it back

Surely you can get another

Like a siren they will flock to you

 

I wish for you a gentle man

Someone that will love you as I did before

And treat you as I would have

I want you to have what I would have given

 

For you this is my sincere prayer

I don't know why your happiness matters to me

But it does

I need you to be at peace

 

Perhaps it s from a naive hope

A hope that you wish for my peace

I ask again but without expectation

I know you too well

 

Yet all the same I speak my case

If ever once we did love and we both amen this fact

If ever you felt the way I did

Why do you love no longer?

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I have not checked for spelling errors so they are probably there. I will do so later.

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

So very sad, remorseful, yet very well done, as you have me grieving for your loss! You have covered every feeling, event, circumstance, given wishes for happiness, tried to move on, yet in your lament it is apparent you shall ALWAYS be in love with this beautiful spirit!
Your write is well done, and I don't see any spelling errors. I see pain, sadness, hurt, lonliness, a LAMENT!
Blessings to you as you continue to attempt to heal!
Sheila

[Drew]

Bravo! I truly loved this writing. It is sad, and regretful, but at the same time beautiful. Not to mention beautifully written. And, I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes. Great job!