Paladin's Bane

Please enjoy this poem. It was a good vent for me with a recent breakup. I hope you enjoy!

You called me your knight and so I am

But now I know your love was a sham

I fell for you in all your beauty

But in exchange I have felt your cruelty

I loved you with a love that surpassed all others

Verily it was different from that of your father or mother's

Unlike those who love you with condition

I wanted your heart, twas my only petition

Oh my lady I told you what I required

Long ago before all was mired

You seemed then willing to fulfill my decree

All I wanted was your heart to be free

To join me in a life long bliss

And when our wedding bells ring to share a sweet kiss

For you dear lady I wanted the best in life

For me nothing could be finer than to have you to wife

All who gazed upon us had the same thought

They all stood in awe saying look what God wrought

For in perfect union stood heaven's delight

Beautiful lady and chivalrous knight

Hand in hand now were we bold 

Professing our love wanting all to be told

Not many days thence an evil developed

And its twisted words your mind enveloped

Rapidly it took control of your vision

Thusly completing its unholy mission

For in your eyes I was knight no more

Now you see a demon drawing you to hell's door

I could hear in my soul the true demon's victory roar

As the cruel blade you lunged in my breast 

I looked as crimson ran down my chest

Your hand extended still holding the dagger

I felt weak and started to stagger

The last site of my eyes going dim

Was the fell spirit saying in your ear, forget him

This man was not what he appeared to be

But fear not fair lady, now you are free

Oh my lady what have you done

At the devil's beckon you've made my blood to run

Spilling out on forest floor

I know I dwell at death's door

Normally armor clad invulnerable to harm

Yet pierced by a woman under the demon's charm

Now blind from pain and lack of blood

I collapse in puddles of crimson mud

Crying out with my very last breath

I love you I love you til death!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[ChocolateMoose]

Wow! Very powerful! I really loved this poem. I know it's hard, but this just means God has someone better for you. It takes time, but I've learned this. God desires you to be happy, and He would not have placed the desire in your heart for a companion if He were not going to fill it. Remember Jeremiah 29:11! God has good plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and A FUTURE :)

[Shanna (Renae)]

I really enjoyed this piece. I liked the rhythm, and the rhymes did not seem forced.

I do agree with the Reaper though, that some paragraph breaks might make it easier to read. But at the same time the format reminds me of an old tale written in rhyme, such as beowolf. So do as you see fit. :)

"Aww" should be replaced with "awe" and "completeing" with "completing."

I'll be looking forward to reading the sequel almost as much as you do writing it. Remember, put your faith in God and trust in him, he will never let you down.

[Lydia]

I really enjoyed your emotion, but I felt the rhymes were excessive and forced at times. Just let it flow, it often works more effectively and realistically. Good job though.

[Cherry Berry]

This is a heartbreaking piece. Love is delicate but strong in the hearts of true love. So much can come between a couple who professes to love one another. I do know that God has chosen someone for you, and in faithful time, she will be revealed to you. All relationships are hard work. Sometimes, though something felt so right, it simply was not meant to be. God never promised we would not have troubles and trials in life, only that he would see us through them. This piece is beautifully raw and heart felt.
xox
Cherri

[Paladin4life]

Thankyou for the reviews so far my friends. I too hope the knight rises again and finds a love that will love him with such passion that no eveil will ever be able to poison their relationship. I believe this will be the case. I look forward to writing the sequel to this piece!

[-WolfReaper (NERV)]

Very nice paladin, The only change i would make is in formatting. Just new paragraph every now and then to ease the flow.

[John Stussy]

Loyalty to the last, even through betrayal. Some call it tragic, others foolishness. Still others note it as a virtue, aligning it with perseverance. Either way, the loyalty is always recognized, and influences others somehow. One can hope the wound heals for the fallen knight and that he awakens with fresh vigor. Well done poem, this one. The diction used really fit the tone and your pen name quite well.