Watery home

When the buildings collaspse down town

past the old woods where we echoed sounds,

I'll be sure to take the blame,

for my share of the ricochet.

 

Don't let them see you cry.

We can't afford to even mention,

our parents demise.

 

Don't let me see them die.

I've barely seen them

in my fathers home,

walking the halls all night.

 

When the lake finally swallows us whole,

we'll just be lost like always,

in our new watery home.

 

With your leaky eyes,

and my sinking legs,

we'll do what we can,

with my holes and your pegs.

 

I'll set fire to my hives,

abandon my blemish and start a new life.

For the sake of a baby,

for the sake of your eyes.

 

Reviews

[Arial, Black]

Really like the uneven, scattered rhyme. My favorite line: "we'll just be lost like always". It's full meaning is not clear to me (but I'm guessing it's not supposed to be) It reminds me of the floods, but not of the people lost, more of the objects or houses swallowed by the water. I love the overall tone created. There's a sense of surrendering to fate.

[Riley]

I will say you have style that defines most of your writing. Sometimes your poems can be difficult to interpret, this one being one of them, but it's very interesting poem. I like several of the paragraphs within it.

[CHRIS ANDES]

you've expressed it real nice
...I guess a little typographic in the word 'collaspse' in the first line =]

[Chris]

misfits finding they really aren't... but there are so few places to fit within...

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I really like this. To me it speaks of growing up and all the feelings of those overwhelming feelings. This is just my take but I like reading it this way. :) I am led this way by the beautiful first stanza and the "old woods where we echoed sounds".
It is beautiful throughout, but the last stanza is so telling and full of saying goodbye to a beloved phase and entering the next with the call of what is there or the closing of a door behind us. I could go on and on about this but I am just going to enjoy the feeling of it and roll it around on my mental tongue.

[olla]

this is very good... I was startled..

[afra]

aww its pretty deep ...keep writing ..^-^