peaks and valleys

This quiet house, it makes me stir,
this blessed sound, and a son unheard.
We lay together and talk all day,
Of the memory of a timeless phase.
I can find a way there.
Stay on track and don't look back,
there is no future, just change in slack
of the line laid out.
Never offered help, just figured it out.
I'm still hoping you'll offer, but its something i doubt.
I'd make it now, while we're young,
a little one, from two little ones.
I feel;
Pretty static, sharp and exponential,
But still waiting in the ocean weighed down by,
my own consequential feet.
In a bed where we sleep,
I'll tether our dreams to you and me,
and eventually we're free,
just watch me.
I'm seeing my whole world, from my own bed.
probably couldn't be much more than that.
Attaching all my strings,
pulling out teeth.
And you'll probably never know,
that i could carry myself there.
I'm hoping that you'll know,
so you'll help me carry it.
I've been writing better, more frequently.
I was recently compared to a tree.
Matching patterns to see myself more easily.
Wondering about a theory,
that matches us to a perfect "three".
A guitar watches my every move,
fits in my hands, then starts to breath.
Whatever I imply,
whatever, by design.
Show me that great eye,
teach me how to die.
In a rhythm that i feel,
that will make you and I fly towards the teal sky.
Then die.
So the perspective that sees the end of a hall,
knows the door, or the chance of a wall.
I'll wander with you into any unknown,
the price that we pay will be ours alone.

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

The feel of this is one of accepting what is happening, knowing you will, not really questioning the decision yet still wondering what will happen. As with all your work, there is more of something I feel with this than I can just point to clearly...perhaps, it is the same thing that songs hook in me. Your work is songs to me...love the sound.


A note:"A guitar watches my every move,
fits in my hands, then starts to breath." absolutely love this

[Mauricio Montoya]

like how it comes together.
Excellent write.

[OtherWorldWoman]

Your work never ceases to amaze me. I absolutely love reading your intelligent and indistinct poetry. There are so many possibilities in it and I enjoy the quirky complexities strung throughout it. Very well done!

[Alskar]

Aw. This poem pulled me in from the start. The way you show the love between these two, I think, teenagers, is sensational. The intensity between the two characters jumps off the page at me. There was a little bit of rhyming, but that didn't bother me too much. 'I'd make it now, while we're young,
a little one, from two little ones.' By this, is the speaker implying she wants to start a family with this guy at a young age? This further deepens their love to the reader. I can't physically express enough how much this got to me, actually. This would be such a brilliant, unique prologue to a romance book.

[roarke]

That's the stuff. Clear visions and river flow. Your sense of stream of consciousness is solidifying. You're really starting to speak to the reader, shaping and defining both the inside and outside of the space you've felt and are expressing. Nice work D.