not in season

You are a long experiment
I find myself, surprised that you call this trying
The hardness of my heart
Would make you rock and sway
atop that fence that rattles your ribcage

You breathe with the wind the same way
That I once knew in a hammock
While I was wearing that much needed scarf
I told your child my head would fall off if
If it weren't there

So I am the one to blame for her nightmare
If only the little angel didn't have your eyes
If only the ceiling were a little higher
If only the lightbulb hadn't burnt out
If only you could've seen them what you see now
Or lack there of

Suppression swelled on its own
And it still doesn't feel like a bad idea
This just feels like a better one

So now I have stranger thoughts
Like "what if the seasons went in reverse"
Or "what if things froze when it got warmer"
Though I'm sure Ill thaw out in my own time
I can't help but to distract myself with reality until then.