our births

Its worth mentioning fore mentioned worth
In our births
In our mothers births.
In time we all subscribe to resign
To soiled dirt.

Its my life
Its worth my time.
The tide is tied to ceiling at night
And the moon is my mother
Pulls me in
with dads' cold light.


There's not a cloud in the sky
I wished you well with my eyes
And watch as you well up inside
the sun' own son
Comes to collect the lids
from mine

Wishing from a well,
From the bottom we fell,
Washing us back with the tide.
To the shore once more
Always in time.

It all happened so fast.
We will never last
Its alright
Ill live.


It was our town
There were no clouds.
When we first arrived
I confused my hopes with a gauruntee.
It hurts;
I hope you leave me first
I hope all it does is hurt.

I confused my prayers with responsibility.
I'm bleeding through evergreen skin
But ill clot my roots again.

You said never again,
Without any faith in the end.
I swore it irrelevant.
Lets not start this again



I'm promising seasons.
Any will do for a place to begin.

Reviews

[SteveB]

I am torn by this piece. There are so many things that I really liked - a great use of interior rhyme, strong images, nice use of alliteration, and many excellent turns of phrase but in the end, for me at least, the sum was not up to the total of the various parts. It almost appeared as if this were two different poems somehow put together. The last three, or perhaps four, stanzas do not to my ear [or eye] seem to mesh with the first four. Both are well written but the connection seems lost. I am interested in your explanation. PArtly because I enjoy learning the thought processes of other writers and partly because I truly want this to fit together as a cohesive whole.
On a side note, "I confused my hopes with a guarantee" is one of the best, and most heartbreaking, lines I have read here.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Sarah Conder]

I think your use of word play is absolutely wonderful. The poem has a good, fast pace and I was immediately drawn in. Thought provoking also, well done :)