Lonely.

When I whispered to the darkness beyond my porch,
of hidden memories of the day
I knew I was talking to your living ghost.

There was this black stary curtain in your eyes
 that you would tie around your fingers to not forget
every living thing in your life.

When I began to die one night at my parents house,
I saw clarity in uncertainty
and ceased to search and began to see.

I think of fish tales of men setting hooks into waters so tall,
reeling on salty rope scathing pulpy wood.
I thought of the men's masts that were tattered
and all the salt in their lungs
and wondered if you too breathed with the wind.

Now I'm alone for the first time really,
without a woman to keep me warm.
I think of noose's, tattoos and the moment
as I whittle away sticks into characters
as if to strip away the things I don't see for our futures.

I'm left with only the thought of your face, death , and a knot in my stomach
and I swear I'll try again.

Reviews

[trainwreck]

"When I began to die one night at my parent's house."

Usually, one line in a poem doesn't stand out more than the others for me, but in your work, certain lines carry so much weight. Absolutely amazing job you've done here. I love the way you finished this poem with a note of hope and desperation. Wonderful job, thank you for sharing it.

[krish]

cool.....darkness fella..............
it's good,ur's word's r perfect...................great job..........
carry-on.................
have a nice day fella....................

[Nick.B]

Interesting dark write, love the emotions of the one who hasn't got nothing (i can relate to that)...great poem...

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Awesome write!

It's 'bright eyes' all over again and outstanding song lyrics! Duke I might have to get out my guitar....:P

If you could put a chord sequence to it though, that would be icing on the cake.

[Personne]

Wow, pretty much speechless. You portrayed your feelings seemingly effortlessly. Beautiful!

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

god damn, son! one question tho..."stary"..is that starry or stare-y? cause they're both words and work actually; I'm just making sure it wasn't a typo. This piece is up there with Richard Brautigan, and that's no small compliment or feat. If this is meant to be a song, you're in the top .1% echelon of lyrics for music..My only suggestion is with the line "I saw clarity in uncertainty"..you could give the word uncertainty a subtle, visual metaphor. It isn't necessary, but it would possibly enhance that line and make the whole thing stronger. Like I said, it works without it, and well done, man!

[dukovan]

Yeah it was a typo meant to be starry, I was relaying it to the black veil of the night sky. I'll think about a metaphor too, if I can't find one that really works ill leave it. Thanks a lot though, this was emotional to write.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

I felt that; I can relate; you displayed amazing composure and focus; these types of poems have a way of floating like a do or die somber stream through you; anyway, once again, well done...msg me if you decide to change it, else I may forget to look

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

the pain of a breakup is so cruel. Well written.

[dukovan]

Thank you.

[InsanityWriter]

Very interesting. I really like how you worded this one. (:

[dukovan]

thanks!